ANGEL QUOTES - SEASON 1
Created | Updated Jun 14, 2004
WRITTEN BY TEAM ANGEL (Darla)
CITY OF...
Angel: She was a really, really pretty girl. No, she was a hottie girl.
Angel: 'Scuse me. I'm sorry. Has anyone seen my car? It's big and shiny.
Doyle: Well, I like the place. Not much with the view, but it's got a nice Bat-Cave sort of an air to it.
Angel: You don't smell human.
Doyle: Well, that's a bit rude. As it happens I'm very much human...on my mother's side.
Doyle: Let me tell you a little bedtime story.
Angel: But I'm not sleepy.
Doyle: Once upon a time there was a vampire, and he was the meanest vampire in all the land. All the other vampires were afraid of him, he was such a bastard. Then one day he's cursed by Gypsies. They restore his human soul and all of a sudden he's mad with guilt. You know, "What have I done." You know, he's freaked.
Angel: Oh, okay now I'm sleepy.
Doyle: Yeah, well it's a fairly dull tale. It needs a little sex is my feeling. So, sure enough enter a girl. Pretty little blond thing, vampire slayer by trade. And our vampire falls madly in love with her. But eventually, the two of them, well they get fleshy with one another, and the moment he...well I guess the technical term is 'perfect happiness', but when our boy gets there, he goes bad again. He kills again. It's ugly. So when he gets his soul back for a second time, he figures hey, he can't be anywhere near young miss puppy eyes without endangering them both. So what does he do? He takes off. Goes to LA, to fight evil and to atone for his crimes. He's a shadow. A faceless champion of the hapless human race.
Angel: Okay, so you told me the story of my life. Which, since I was there, I already knew. Why aren't I kicking you out?
Doyle: It's not all about fighting and gadgets and such. It's about reaching out to people. Showing them that there's love and hope still left in this world.
Homeless Woman: Got any spare change?
Doyle: Get a job you lazy sow.
Angel: Why would a woman I've never met even talk to me?
Doyle: Have you looked in a mirror lately? No, I guess... you really haven't. No.
Angel: So, uh, are you.... happy?
Tina: What?
Angel: You looked sort of down.
Tina: You've been watching me?
Angel: No, I just.... I was... uh... looking towards there. And you walked.... through there.
Tina: You don't hit on girls very often, do you?
Angel: It's been awhile.
Oliver: You are a beautiful, beautiful man.
Angel: Thanks.
Oliver: You're an actor.
Angel: No.
Oliver: That wasn't a question. I'm Oliver. Ask anyone about Oliver. They'll tell you I'm a fierce animal. I'm your manager as soon as you call.
Angel: I'm not an actor.
Oliver: Funny. I like the humor. I like the whole thing. Call me. This isn't a come on. I'm in a very serious relationship with a landscape architect.
Cordelia: So, um, are you still.... "GRRR"?
Angel: Yeah, there's not actually a cure for that.
Cordelia: Well, I better get mingling. I really should be talking to people that *are* somebody. But it was fun!
Angel: It's nice that she's grown as a person.
Tina: Nice party, huh?
Angel: A little too fabulous for me.
Doyle: You can't cut yourself off.
Angel: Doyle, I don't want to share my feelings. I don't want to open up. I wanna find the guy that killed Tina, and I wanna look him in the eye.
Doyle: Then what?
Angel: Then I'm gonna share my feelings.
Stacy: You have no idea who you're dealing with here.
Angel: Russell? Let me guess. Not big on the daylight or the mirrors. Drinks a lot of V-8.
Doyle: Wow, you're really going to war here. I guess you've seen a few in your time, yeah?
Angel: 14. Not including Vietnam. They never declared it.
Doyle: Well, listen, best of luck to ya man. I've got some fairly large coin riding on the Vikings tonight, but I'll be there with you in spirit, yeah?
Angel: You're driving.
Doyle: Wait a minute! No, no! I'm not combat ready, man. I'm just the messenger!
Angel: And, I'm the message.
Cordelia: Oh god. I'm sorry. I'm getting all weepy in front of you. I probably look really scary. I finally get invited to a nice place with... no mirrors... and .... lots of curtains.... Hey, you're a vampire!
Russell: What? No I'm not.
Cordelia: Are too!
Cordelia: You don't know who he is, do you? Oh boy, you're about to get your ass kicked!
Russell: Angel. We do things a certain way in L.A.
Angel: Well I'm new here.
Russell: But you're a civilized man. We don't have to go around attacking each other. Look at me. I pay my taxes. I keep my name out of the paper. And I don't make waves. And in return, I can do anything I want.
Angel: Really? Can you fly?...Guess not.
Doyle: What happened to Russell?
Angel: He went into the light.
Cordelia: I was just saying that if we're going to be helping people out, maybe a small charge. A fee. You know something to help pay the rent. And.... my salary. You need someone to organize things and you're not exactly rolling in it Mr. I Was Alive for 200 Years and Never Developed an Investment Portfolio.
Angel: You want to charge people?
Cordelia: Well not everybody, but sooner or later we are going to have to help some rich people, right?
Cordelia: Of course this is just temporary, until my inevitable stardom takes effect!
Doyle: You made a good choice. She'll provide a connection to the world. She's got a very ... humanizing influence.
Angel: You think she's a hottie.
Doyle: Ah, yeah, she's a stiffener alright. I can't lie about that.
Doyle: You know, there's a lot of people in this city that need helping.
Angel: So I noticed.
Doyle: You game?
Angel: I'm game.
LONLEY HEARTS
Doyle: Instead, you're moping around the dark like some kind of...
Angel: Vampire?
Doyle: Well, I was gonna say slacker...but yeah, to you Mr. Obvious.
Doyle: Tell her what a great guy I am.
Angel: I barely know you.
Doyle: Perfect. That should make it easier for you then.
Doyle: Great idea. Calling cards. Its not like you have a signal folks can shine in the sky whenever they need help.
Angel: Look at that, there's our number right next to...a...uh...butterfly?
Doyle: It's obviously not a butterfly, you idiot. It's a bird. No, no wait...it's an owl...no...
Cordelia: Hey, you look troubled. Or is that just your lazy eye? Anyway, call us. We're very discreet.
Doyle: See, you need to chat people up a bit more casual like, you know? "Hi, what's your name? How's life treating you? What's that you say? Minions from hell getting you down?"
Angel: Seriously, I wasn't hitting on you.
Angel: I'm not good at this...talking.
Angel: Basically I help...uh...I'm a veterinarian.
Doyle: Violence is not gonna solve a thing...on the other hand, it's kind of festive.
Cordelia: Well, a couple hundred years ago, the only thing you had to worry about was a hangover. Today, cause of your curse thingy, you can't sleep with anyone or else you might feel a moment of true happiness and lose your soul, become evil -again- and kill everyone.
Angel: Thanks Cordelia. I always appreciate your perspective.
Cordelia: No problem.
Cordelia: Downloading pictures of naked women?
Doyle: Well, that's more or less accurate.
Kate: I can go wherever I want...and you can go to Hell.
Angel: Been there, done that.
Cordelia: I've known a lot of demons, and slime aside, not a lot going on there.
Angel: You actually live here?
Cordelia: Yes, okay? Is it my fault that maid service was interrupted? It was supposed to go home, hotel, hotel, husband. Now, can we move on?
Angel: It's a burrower.
Cordelia: It's a donkey? We didn't see any donkey demons.
Angel: I know you guys have been working hard. Cooped up inside a lot and to show my appreciation, I was think, the night bein', you know, young and all, that the three of us could...should...maybe uh....go out. You know, for fun.
Cordelia: Or, we can go home.
Doyle: And you could sit in the dark, alone.
Angel: God yes. Thank you.
IN THE DARK
Spike: (girly voice) "How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad-hunk-of-a-knight-thing?"
(manly voice) "No need little lady. Your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire. But love, and a pesky curse, defanged me. And now, I'm just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No! Not the hair! Never the hair."
(girly voice) "But there must be some way I can show my appreciation."
(manly voice) "No, helping those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough."
(girly voice) "I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so..."
(manly voice) "Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair gel I like so much. Quickly! To the Angel-mobile! Away!"
Spike: Go on with you. Play the big strapping hero while you can. You have a few surprises coming your way: the Ring of Amarra, a visit from your old pal Spike, and--oh yeah--your gruesome, horrible death.
Cordelia: This is so awesome! Our first walk-in client. Everything is going according to plan! See girl in distress. See Angel save girl from druggie stalker boyfriend. See boyfriend go to jail. And see..... invoice! Ta-Da!
Cordelia: So, why are you not rejoicing at our first paying client?
Doyle: Cuz that's not money in your hand darlin'. That's mail.
Oz: Hello, L.A.
Cordelia: Oz? Oh my god. Oz! I am so happy to see you! Good old Oz! Oz. Oz!
Doyle: Let me just take a stab at this, but... you'd be Oz?
Oz: Good guess.
Cordelia: This is so cool! I mean, here you are, in L.A., and you're the total embodiment of all things Sunnydale!
Oz: Well, it's a burden, but I manage.
Cordelia: Okay, we have serious catching up to do. How's everything? How's... how's the Bronze?
Oz: The same.
Cordelia: And the gang?
Oz: They're good.
Cordelia: Good? Good. Good.
Oz: We done?
Cordelia: Completely.
Oz: You guys are, like, detectives?
Cordelia: No. I'm an actress.
Doyle: And quite a captivating one at that.
Cordelia: And between my many gigs, I sometimes choose to help Angel.
Doyle: He's the detective.
Oz: Does he have a hat and gun?
Cordelia: Just fangs.
Oz: Well, that works.
Angel: Oz.
Oz: Angel.
Angel: Nice surprise.
Oz: Thanks.
Angel: Staying long?
Oz: Few days.
Doyle: They always like this?
Oz: No, we're usually laconic.
Cordelia: Hey, Buffy. How is good old Buffy anyway?
Oz: She's....
Cordelia: What? Still the brave little Slayer? Or is she moping around in the dark like..... nobody around here. Hmm-mmm.
Cordelia: Okay, you're getting weird with this ring. Since when did you get all Versace about accessorizing?
Oz: Your old buddy Spike dug up Sunnydale looking for it and got a fistful of Buffy and left it behind. She wanted to be sure it was in good hands.
Angel: So she sent you.
Oz: I was heading this way.
Cordelia: And she didn't even send a note? Wow, that's really.... this is one of those times when I should shy away from the topic, isn't it?
Doyle: I got something that'll boost your spirits. Why don't you put it on, and here, I'll stake ya. It'll be fun!
Doyle: Okay, you have it your way, but I'm still going to celebrate with a drink down at the pub.
Cordelia: He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down at the pub.
Doyle: You know what'd feel really good right now? One of those mind-numbing, head-cracking visions that I get from time to time. Because that'd really kill me. What, is there some kind of trick to this?
Cordelia: I think the trick is laying off the ale before you start quoting Angela's Ashes and weeping like a baby man.
Doyle: Hey, that's a good book.
Cordelia: So I've heard. But I doubt very much that the main characters are Betty and Barney Rubble, as you so vehemently insisted last night. Also, I don't think Oz appreciated being called My Little Bam Bam all night.
Angel: Might as well go home, Spike. The Gem of Amarra stays with me.
Spike: Why? Cuz you're Angel, Vamp Detective now? Ooo. I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire cowboy? Vampire fireman? Oh! Vampire ballerina!
Angel: I do like to work with my legs.
Angel: So, you and I duke it out, huh. This your big strategy for getting the ring back?
Spike: I had a plan.
Angel: You? A plan?
Spike: A good plan. Smart. Carefully laid out. But I got bored. All that watching, waiting. My legs started to cramp. I hate to quip. Just tell me where the damn ring is.
Angel: It wouldn't go with your outfit.
Spike: Cordelia. You look smashing. You lose weight?
Cordelia: Yes! You know, there's this great gym on.... hey!
Cordelia: Please, I couldn't get comfortable here if the floor was lined with mink. I mean, how can you live like this?
Doyle: Well, I didn't until last week, and I saw what you did with your place? I just had to call my decorator.
Doyle: So what about this Spike? Is he as bad as all that? Should I be sweating?
Cordelia: No, he's not so...... < sigh > Sweat.
Cordelia: Oh! And this one time, he and Dru raised this demon that burned people alive from the inside. It was this whole weird thing with an arm in a box.
Doyle: An arm in a box?
Spike: You caught me fair and square, white hat. Guess there's nothing to do now but go along quietly and pay my debt to society.
Angel: You think you can come to my town and pull this crap? You never learn Spike.
Spike: I may be a slow learner, but eventually I catch on.
Spike: Marcus is an expert. Some say artist, but I've never been comfortable with labels. He's a bloody king of torture, he is. Humans, demons, politicians -- makes no difference. Some say he invented several of the classics, but he won't tell me which ones.
Marcus: His skin.
Spike: Annoying isn't it? Still attached.
Marcus: Over 200 years of living and so little external damage. What about internal?
Spike: Do you two need to be alone? Or can we get on with the ouchie part?
Marcus: He's known love.
Spike: Yeah, with a Slayer no less. How's that for perversion?
Marcus: And he has a soul.
Spike: Right. Vampire with a soul. Cursey cursed to walk the earth, trying to do good. That's not going to be a problem is it?
Marcus: On the contrary, creatures with souls have something to lose.
Spike: Souls, fingers, toes -- let's get chopping shall we? I want my damn ring.
Angel: Are you going to torture me, or just bore me to death?
Spike: Someone's having shish kabob.
Marcus: What do you want, Angel?
Angel: House in the country. A good pair of running shoes you can also wear out to dinner.
Spike: Why do you keep playing that bleeding Brahms?
Marcus: Actually it's Mozart. Symphony 41. I find it very effective.
Spike: Yeah, well, personally I prefer his older, funnier symphonies myself.
Angel: You hired a vampire. What do you think he's going to do with the ring when he finds it, huh? Hand it over to you?
Spike: Oh! Good lord! Why didn't I think of ... oh, half a mo... I did!
Spike: It's called addiction, Angel. We all have them. I believe yours is named Slutty the Vampire Slayer.
Spike: Speaking of little Buff. I ran into her recently. Your name didn't come up. Although, she has been awful busy jumping the bones of the very first lunkhead who came long. Good looking fellow. Used her shamelessly. She is *cute* when she's hurting, isn't she?
Angel: She's cuter when she's kicking your ass.
Spike: What is it with you good guys running in packs? Who's this one then?
Doyle: More than meets the eye, blondie.
Spike: Oooo, the Mick's got spine. Maybe I'll snap it in two.
Doyle: Where's Angel?
Spike: Um, tall, brooding guy? Cave Man brow? He's having the living hell tortured out of him.
Cordelia: I don't trust you.
Spike: To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase: Duh!
Spike: Now you made him mad. Wouldn't want to be in your chains.
Spike: I do the work. I do the digging. I fight off a Slayer. Drive to L.A. Hire the help. And what do I get? Royally screwed is what! Well that cinches it. No more partners. From now on, I'm my own man. Lone wolf. Sole survivor. Look out! Here comes Spike! The biggest, baddest mother... aaagh!
Cordelia: We need to get him to a hospital.
Oz: I hear you, but which one? They all tend to specialize in humans.
Cordelia: It's daylight, and you're ringless. Unless you're changing the act to Human Torch, I don't think so!
Angel: Thanks for the help, man. You were key.
Oz: You're.... incredibly pale.
Oz: He's very pale. Paler than most people.
Doyle: So, how long's it been between sunsets?
Angel: 200 years, give or take.
Doyle: It is spectacular, I know, but I do promise there will be another one just like it again tomorrow.
Angel: Not for me.
Doyle: What are you saying, that the city's going to get hit by a meteor before tomorrow night? No, no, it's too horrible to say. I can't even bring myself to say the other...
Angel: I'm not gonna wear the ring.
Doyle: That was the other.
Doyle: You got a real addiction to the brooding part of life, anyone ever tell ya that?
Angel: Once or twice.
Doyle: So what, you don't get the ring because your period of self-flagellation isn't over yet?
Angel: I was brought back for a reason, Doyle. And as much as I'd like to kid myself, I don't think it was for 18 holes at Rancho.
Angel: I don't know about you, but I had a nice day. You know, except for the bulk of it where I was nearly tortured to death.
Doyle: Aye, you stood up.
Angel: Oh God. I was this close to tellin' him everything. One more hot poker and I was givin' him the ring, your mom, everything. How *is* your mom?
I FALL TO PIECES
Angel: What is this?
Cordelia: Last week's coffee. Think of it as... espresso!
Angel: I think my esophagus is melting.
Doyle: Don't worry. When Angel's finished with this case, I guarantee you'll be wanting to jump off a bridge again.
Doyle: Not a lot of things make me shudder. But this guy? Crawling around under the covers? At least it was just his hands down there.... I wish I hadn't even thought that.
Melissa: Angel's right. You're weak.
Ronald: I'm weak? Then how is it I killed him?
Angel: Inefficiently.
Doyle: Let's march down to the bank right now and deposit this beauty.
Angel: You guys go on. I think I'll stay here and not burst into flames.
ROOM WITH A VIEW
Doyle: Tell me stuff.
Angel: What stuff?
Doyle: About Cordelia.
Angel: Well, I know she can't type or file. 'Til today I had some hope regarding the phone.
Doyle: Who's Aura?
Angel: I think she's one of Cordelia's group. People called them the Cordettes. A bunch of girls from wealthy families. They ruled the high school, decided what was in, who was popular. It's like the Soviet Secret Police if they cared a lot about shoes.
Doyle: Well the things you learn. I had no idea Angel was Queen of the Winter Ball.
Doyle: Your high school diploma's all burned.
Cordelia: Yeah. It was a rough ceremony.
Angel: My name's Angel. What's yours?
Demon: Screw you.
Angel: (SLAM) My name's Angel. What's yours?
Demon: (silence)
Angel: (SLAM) My name's Angel. What's yours?
Demon: Griff.
Cordelia: You know what? I get it. You're a ghost. You're dead! Big accomplishment! Move on! You see a light anywhere? Go towards it!
Cordelia: Whoo! Cold wind! Scary. What're you gonna do? Chap me to death?
Cordelia: Oh goody, another of Doyle's guys. Tell me, is this the same guy that helped me find my poltergeistilicious apartment?
Kate: Now you're talking like a detective.
Angel: I am a detective.
Kate: Well, see, the thing about detectives is they have resumes and business licenses and last names. Pop stars and popes, those are the one-named guys.
Angel: You got me. I'm a pope.
Cordelia: I'm not a sniveling, whining little cry-Buffy. I'm the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no one! Back off Polygrip!! You think you're bad? All mean and haunty? Picking on poor pathetic Cordy. Well, get ready to haul your wrinkly translucent ass outta this place, cuz lady.... the Bitch is back.
Maude Pearson: Do you think I'm going to take that from trash like you?
Cordelia: I'll tell you what I think. I think you're going to pack your little ghost bags and get the hell out of MY HOUSE!!!
Doyle: You did it.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, she pissed me off.
SENCE AND SENSITIVITY
Kate: Supervisor Caffrey shot himself?
Spivey: It happens.
Kate: In the back of the head? Wrapped himself in plastic? And he locked himself in the trunk of his car?
Spivey: He'd been depressed.
Angel: Cordelia, you need to...
Cordelia: No! I don't care what horrible thing is about to happen - asteroids are hurtling towards Earth, unspeakable evil is rising in the San Fernando Valley, Jar Jar is getting his own talk show, whatever -- I don't want to hear about it. Not 'til you ask us how it went.
Angel: ... call your mother back.
Kate: You have the most intense eyes. I see such an old soul.
Doyle: He gets that a lot, you know.
Cordelia: I'm so glad we came down here to watch Late Night with Creepy Cop Lady.
Angel: Which demon do you worship? Which one gives you power?
Lloyd: A whole bunch, actually. I'm a polytheist.
Cordelia: He put the whammie on you! You stink of whammie!
Angel: The talking stick is cursed all right.
Cordelia: There's a stick that talks?
Angel: Cordelia, do you have any idea how precious you are? He admitted it to me after I (sigh) threatened him with physical violence.
Kate: I am not a bitch! I'm just protected.
Little Tony: No one's protecting you now.
Angel: Hey! I'm feeling some serious negative energy in this room.
BACHELOR PARTY
Cordelia: You were so . . . brave.
Doyle: You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're steppin' on my moment of manliness here.
Cordelia: I'm just. . .
Doyle: Surprised?
Cordelia: Grateful.
Doyle: I'm the one you followed. It's me you want. (Phfft) Ha! (Phfft) Fangs for the memories Vamp man. ...Hey! I was just...that wasn't...
Cordelia: An incredible spaz attack?
Doyle: He seems like a nice . . . friendly . . . fellow, don't you think?
Angel: Definitely friendly. Only, uh, he seemed a bit . . . .
Doyle: Exactly! I knew he was no good!
Harry: Richard wanted some time alone with Doyle to invite him to his bachelor party.
Cordelia: Bachelor party? Why? Was he afraid he ordered too much beer?
Aunt: Come on girls. It's pornographic Pictionary time!
Harry: Their ways are not our ways.
Doyle: Harry says I should mix with other demons. I'll mix! (SMASH)
Harry: Oh please, Uncle John. When's the last time you pried yourself away from ESPN to spill the blood of a she-goat?
Harry: One word, Francis. Just one word and I'll eat your brains.
I WILL REMEMBER YOU
Cordelia: Batten down the hatches. Here comes Hurricane Buffy.
Doyle: You think? Maybe he's over her.
Cordelia: You have so much to learn Little Irish Man.
Buffy: I just know that when you're around, whether I see you or not, I feel you. Inside. And it throws me.
Angel: It throws me, too.
Buffy: Friend of yours?
Angel: Never saw it before.
Buffy: It was rude. We should go kill it.
Angel: I'm free.
Cordelia: Hey! You walked in the front door from the street You've . . .
Angel: Yeah.
Cordelia: ...got an umbrella!
Angel: I'm a mortal now. I have a mortal body, and . . . . I'm so HUNGRY!
Cordelia: Look out! He's going to eat! Everything in sight.
Doyle: I'll finally be free to go out and make me own mark in the world.
Cordelia: We had a cat that used to do that.
Doyle: It was in some sort of factory. I thought it tasted like salt. Could've been the margarita.
Demon: What do you think of the great warrior now?
Angel: Little bland, needs salt.
Buffy: So, what, you just took a whole 24 hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it was more fun being a super hero?
Angel: You know that's not it. How can we be together if the cost is your life or the lives of others?
HERO
Doyle: Angel Investigations is the best! Our rats are low...
Cordelia: Rates!
Doyle: It says rats.
Cordelia: Maybe if we get him a costume!
Doyle: A costume?
Cordelia: Well, the guy's a bona fide hero. Would it kill him to put on some tights and a cape and garner us a little free publicity?
Doyle: I don't see Angel putting on tights...Oh, now I do and it's really disturbing.
Doyle: You had the one thing you've wanted in your unnaturally long life, and you gave it back?
Angel: Maybe I was wrong.
Doyle: Or maybe Cordelia was right about you being the real deal in the hero department. See, I would have chosen the pleasures of the flesh over duty and honor any day of the week. I just don't have that strength.
Angel: You never know your strength until you're tested.
Doyle: I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. Thought if I did, you'd reject me.
Cordelia: I've rejected you way before now!
Cordelia: What do you think I am, superficial?! I mean, you're half demon. That is so far down the list -- way under short ... and poor.
Scourge Leader: You lied to us, half-breed.
Angel: You catch on quick, football head.
Doyle: The good fight, yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.
Doyle: Is that it? Am I done?
PARTING GIFTS
Barney: I just realized it's 3:45 in the afternoon. Middle of the day. If you're a vampire, why aren't you in your coffin?
Angel: A coffin. I hate that stereotype. You're a demon and you don't know anything about vampires?
Barney: Only what I learned from TV.
Wesley: I think it only fair to warn you, any sudden movement and I'll be forced--
Angel: (slaps crossbow away)
Wesley: Right. You had a question?
Wesley: I'm a Rogue Demon Hunter now.
Cordelia: Wow... What's a rogue demon?
Angel: I did have someone at my side, he's dead now, I work alone.
Angel: In case you're wondering, this is me looking for clues. Feel free to join in any time you want.
Wesley: You! Butcher an innocent girl, will you? I'm going to thrash you within an inch of your life. And then I'm gonna take that inch!!!
Cordelia: He's a good cook for someone on a liquid diet.
SOMNAMBULIST
Wesley: I think it's about to speak.
Cordelia: Nobody likes a smart-ass rogue demon hunter.
Angel: Who were you talking to?
Cordelia: Nobody. And Wesley.
Wesley: You fear these might be more than just dreams, that you're acting them out in some sort of hypnagogic state.
Cordelia: Hypna-wha-gic?
Angel: I taught him well.
Cordelia: A real Psycho-Wan Kenobi.
Wesley: Where'd you get the police radio?
Angel: Police car.
Wesley: Oh dear!
Angel: Get me a stake.
Cordelia: It's like 8 in the morning. Oh!
Angel: I was just thinking about how much this place is like where I grew up.
Cordelia: Right. Yeah. I can see that, except for the cars and the buildings and the, you know, everything else.
EXPECTING
Angel: Okay, so, why is Mrs. Benson filed under 'F'?
Cordelia: Because she's from France. Remember what a pain she was?
Angel: Yeah, made me want to drink a lot.
Cordelia: Well, that's the French for you.
Wesley: What about the fact they thought we were gay?
Angel: Adds mystery.
Wilson: Who're you talking to?
Cordelia: My ghost? I have a ghost. He's jealous.
Cordelia: Angel.
Angel: It's all right. We're here.
Cordelia: I'm ready to wake up now. I don't seem to be waking up.
Cordelia: What would I say to him? "I had a really great time. I think you left something at my place?"
(Cordelia guzzles blood from Angel's fridge.)
Angel: I don't think I've ever realized just how disgusting that was.
Angel: I really hate it when people shoot me.
Wesley: As a point of courtesy, I like to get to know my opponents before I engage them in mortal combat. Do, uh, do you have any hobbies?
Cordelia: I learned something, too. I learned, um, men are evil? Oh, wait. I knew that. I learned that LA is full of self-serving phonies. Nope. Had that one down, too. Sex is bad?
Angel: We all knew that.
Cordelia: Okay, I learned that I have two people I trust absolutely with my life. And that part's new.
SHE
Cordelia: Hi! You having fun?
Angel: Sure. This is, uh...
Cordelia: Your idea of hell.
Angel: Actually, in hell you tend to know a lot of the people.
Angel: The quiet, reserved thing -- don't you think that makes me kind of, I don't know, cool?
Cordelia: He was cooler.
Wesley: Good morning!
Angel: Now I'm depressed.
Cordelia: There are portals now? When did they put in portals? Don't we have enough on our hands with out burning monsters fiends coming here?
Cordelia: I wonder how we find where they keep the compost?
Wesley: I'd say we follow our noses.
Jhiera: How are they doing?
Guy: They're chillin'!
Guy: And which dimension are you from, brother?
Angel: You don't want to know.
Cordelia: Wow. Groveling isn't just a way of life for you. It's an art.
Wesley: I do not grovel. (to Angel) Please don't fire me.
Cordelia: Oh, look who's here. Can I get you something? Knife to our throat, you can run away?
I'VE GOT YOU UNDER MY SKIN
Wesley: A knife with that mark is the only way to kill a Kek demon. It could be very useful.
Angel: Especially if Kek demons weren't extinct.
Angel: She's making brownies.
Wesley: Oh, is that what I smell? I thought I'd tracked something in.
Ryan: You're bleeding. Are you gonna cry?
Angel: I don't think so. I don't know. Let me think. No...yeah...no. Nope, not gonna cry.
Seth (smoking): This bother you?
Angel: No.
Seth: Lotta health nuts these days, you know. Like anyone needs to live forever.
Angel: No one needs that.
Paige: What's your secret, Angel?
Angel: I use chocolate. That's why they're brown -- which gives them their name. Brownies!
Angel: You've never done this before. Look, it takes tremendous strength -- mental strength.
Wesley: Resistance to suggestion. Yes, I understand that. I like to think of myself as possessing a certain...
Angel: Wesley, you don't even have sales resistance. How many thigh masters do you own?
Wesley: The second one was a free gift with my Buns of Steel.
Ethros: Do you know what the most frightening thing in the world is? Nothing.
Seth: I was just trying to hold my family together.
Angel: I think you did.
THE PRODIGAL
Angel: This thing was a fighter.
Wesley: Not if it was a Kwahini, it wasn't. At least, not a fighter by nature. They're incredibly articulate, gentle creatures. Not even capable of the kind of power and strength you described.
Cordelia: Maybe it was just having a bad skanky rag day.
Angel: It's about that demon from this morning...
Kate: If you insist on talking about this stuff, could you please not say that word? It makes me... It makes me, I don't know, just uncomfortable. Just say... Evil Thing, okay?
Wesley: I think you'll find most people require some period of adjustment when confronted with the dark forces which surround us. Women in particular...
Cordelia (wielding saw, referring to demon): Found it!
Wesley: ...struggle with it
Angel: So, you're back.
Cordelia: Very good, Mister I-can't-tail-the-suspect-during-the-day- because-I'll-burst-into-flames Private Eye.
Vampire: Looks like you're not welcome here, bro.
Angel: He dies, and the very instant his soul leaves his body, I'm through this door, and I kill you both.
Demon: You don't understand what stands before you!
Angel: Oh... a big ugly drug-running demon who thinks he's a lot scarier than really he is, maybe? Yeah, she knows.
Demon: You're dead!
Angel: I'm already dead. (chops his head off) Welcome to the club.
Darla: Your victory over him took but moments.
Angel: Yes.
Darla: But his defeat of you will last lifetimes.
Angel: What are you talking about? He can't defeat me now.
Darla: Nor can he ever approve of you. In this world or any other. What we once were informs all that we have become. The same love will infect our hearts, even if they no longer beat. Simple death won't change that.
THE RING
Cordelia: Okay, I'm in. What did Darren write down about the demons that took his brother?
Wesley: Bald. Ultra-white skin. Slime.
Cordelia: There's always slime. This is why I don't gamble. You make a small wager one day and a bigger one the next, and before you know it... Beetlejuicey Albino comes a-knockin'!
Cordelia: Claws or hands?
Wesley: He wrote 'claw-like hands.'
Cordelia: Could be a mixed-breed. Smell?
Wesley: Sulfuric.
Cordelia: Add a Porsche and hair plugs, and I've dated this guy. A lot.
Angel: You set me up.
Darren: It was a group effort.
Cordelia: You're going to the bookie?
Wesley: That's the last place we know Angel went.
Cordelia: The bookie who may get his jollies cutting off people's extremities?
Wesley: That's why I'm taking this! (pulls out crossbow...and a tangle of other things) Along with a few other things.
Wesley: These Octavian matches date back to the Roman Empire I'd heard rumors of a revival.
Cordelia: Well, couldn't they have just done West Side Story?
Cribb: One lucky kill don't make you an expert.
Angel: That wasn't the first life I've taken -- or the twenty-first.
Angel: You're a fight fan. And a lawyer. Let me guess -- Wolfram & Hart.
Cordelia: Wesley came up with the key!
Wesley: But Cordelia came up with the key to the key in a clinch moment.
Angel: You both did great. And I think we did a good thing here.
Wesley: Yes. We set the captives free.
Cordelia: Well, actually, didn't we set a bunch of demons free?
Wesley: Ah well, technically...yes.
ETERNITY
(watching Cordelia act)
Wesley: We're doomed.
Angel: Maybe we can make a break for it.
Wesley: Impossible.
Angel: Front exit?
Wesley: They'd spot us instantly.
Angel: Back door?
Wesley: Blocked.
Angel: That's it then. We're trapped.
Wesley: We might try shouting fire...It's not technically a crowded theater.
Cordelia: Angel? Was I good?
Angel: I wouldn't say it if I didn't think so.
Cordelia: Thanks! (beat) You didn't say it.
Angel: Hey, you know, it was a night in the theatre I'll never forget.
Angel: Cordelia, she's just a person.
Cordelia: Spoken like a true non-person.
Angel: Cordelia. You're here. And . . . you brought a cross.
Cordelia: And along with three double half-caf non-fat skinny lates.
Angel: And a cross.
Rebecca: Cordelia says you've saved the world.
Angel: Couple times I helped. But I almost had it sucked into Hell once, too.
Angelus: In all my years, I never killed a famous person before. But with no witnesses, hey, who's going to believe me? Maybe we could take a picture. I know! We'll do it like we did back in the day. I'll keep your head on a stick as proof.
Rebecca: My head on a stick?
Angelus: Well, okay -- pike.
Rebecca: I just wanted to...
Angelus: Be like me? Hey, can't say I blame you. I'm one happy fellow.
Angelus: Tell you what. I'll torture ya for a few unbelievably long hours, and you can tell me if this is the lifestyle for you.
Angelus: Name's Angelus.
Wesley: I don't wish to resort to drastic measures. But unless you listen to reason, I warn you...
Angelus: You're warning me? What happened, Wes? You suddenly grow a pair?
Angelus: Good news, Wes Old Boy! You don't have an inferiority complex. You're just simply inferior.
Cordelia: Why don't you just...just...
Angelus: Just just just just...Line! "Of course, a time will come...when Torvald is not as devoted...to me." You were really, let me tell you, bad.
Cordelia: Stop it.
Angelus: Why? You didn't. I mean, I've been to Hell, but that was so much worse.
Angel: So we're okay then?
Cordelia: I'm too big of a person to let something so petty get in the way of our friendship.
Angel: I appreciate that. (pause) You're not going to untie me, are you?
FIVE BY FIVE
Angel: Name Marquez?
(Marquez nods)
Angel: Good. I hate saving the wrong guy.
Angel: Can I take off this blindfold yet?
Darla: No.
Angel: Can I take off something else?
Cordelia: I knew it when you brought him in last night. Someone with that much body art is gonna have a different definition of civic duty.
Wesley: After we saved his life?
Cordelia: When was the last time you wrote a thank you card?
Cordelia: Wesley, you don't change a guy like that. In fact, generally speaking, you don't change a guy. What you see is what you get. Scratch the surface, and whaddaya find? More surface. What's Angel gonna do, drag a bunch of them in here to shove a soul down this guy's throat?
Wesley: He may be a ruffian. But he's already got a soul, and therefore, somewhere deep down inside, an urge to do what's right.
(The door opens.)
Marquez: No way, I'm gone.
(Angel drags him back and slams the door.)
Angel: Shut up and sit down.
Cordelia: I guess you're right Wesley. He's just like the Dalai Lama.
Angel: You're gonna have to face your demons some time.
Marquez: What if I don't want to face my demons?
Angel: Then you'll have to face mine.
Girl: Excuse me!
Faith: Okay. You're excused.
Girl: That's my boyfriend.
Faith: Really? Does he have your name on him? Cause I don't see it anywhere.
Lindsey: I hate failure when there's no one else to blame it on.
Lila: I'll make the contact.
Lee: I don't think so. It's my deal; I'll make the contact.
Lila: Let me think about it--No.
Lee: Why not?
Lila: It's your people skills. You don't have any.
Lee: You bitch.
Cordelia: You can always tell when he's happy. His scowl? Slightly less scowly.
Lee: It might behoove you to know a little bit more about your intended, so before we discuss remuneration...
Faith: Huh?
Lee: Payment.
Lee: I wanna make sure you understand this firm is in no way connected to anything you do. It's my ass on the line here. I don't want you to make me look bad.
(Faith whams his head against the table)
Faith: How do you look now?
Cordelia: Oh, and we should pick up the tab for lunch. Nothing says success less than splitting the bill.
Angel: I didn't bring any money with me.
Cordelia: Okay, Elvis, when you're a big star, you can get away without carrying cash. And while we're on the subject, I think one of us should apply for a small business loan. Just to get us through the rough spots. I mean, what's a 30-year loan to you?
Faith: That was so cool! This is gonna be fun.
Wesley: Oh my god, Faith.
Angel: I thought she was in a coma.
Cordelia: Pretty lively coma.
Angel: Giles said she left Sunnydale about a week ago. Described her mental state as borderline psychotic.
Cordelia: That explains her outfit.
Angel: Make yourselves scarce. I don't want to give her any free targets.
Wesley: You've been targeted by a psychotic. I'm certainly not going to run and hide.
Cordelia: I like the plan where I'm scarce.
Wesley: We've got to band together. Strength in numbers.
Cordelia: Two's a number.
Wesley: It seems you're taking this personally.
Angel: She tried to shoot my own personal back, so yeah.
Wesley: She's not a demon. She's a sick, sick girl. If there's even a chance she can be reasoned with...
Angel: There was. Last year, I had a shot at saving her. I was pulling her back from the brink when some British guy kidnapped her and made damn sure she'd never trust another living soul.
Cordelia: Angel, it's not Wesley's fault that some British guy ruined your... oh wait. That was you. Go on.
Wesley: You don't need to.
Lawyer: We have to close Gruber now. Before the soft offer becomes hard and the stock goes...
Angel: Through the ceiling!
Lawyer: In the toilet!
Angel: Right.
Cordelia: Phantom Dennis, let us in. It's all right. It's only Wesley.
Wesley: Dennis your ghost, I presume?
Cordelia: Yes. He's jealous. (To Dennis) Don't worry. Hell will freeze over before I have sex with him.
Wesley: Thank goodness for small favors.
Cordelia: Here, another guy ran into something he referred to as the Bitch from Hell, who sent him home with paramedics.
Faith: I feel it's kind of my duty to tell you that if you'd been a better Watcher, I would have been a more positive role model.
Faith: Face it, Wesley, you really were a jerk. Always walking around like you had some great big stake rammed up your English Channel.
Faith: Admit it, Wesley, didn't you always kind of have the hots for me?
SANCTUARY
Wesley: Bitch. Not you, obviously.
Angel: Donuts?
Wesley: Developed a sweet fang, have you?
Angel: It wasn't too long ago that you were the one making a case for her rehabilitation.
Wesley: It wasn't too long ago I had full feeling in my right arm!
Angel: You go out that door, you'll be running for the rest of your life. My bet is, it'd be a pretty short run.
Collins: That was a nasty business back in Sunnydale. But nobody blames you.
Wesley: Really? Because I rather got the impression they did, when they sacked me.
Faith: I gotta be the first Slayer in history to be sponsored by a vampire.
Angel: Yeah, well I got some experience in that area, too.
Faith: All my life, there was only one person who tried to be my friend. Went out of their way when I had no right or reason to expect her to, and... I screwed her. Not to mention her boyfriend. Only him literally.
Angel: Faith, you and I never --
Faith: No, not you. The new one. ... Oh my God. Angel, I'm so sorry.
Angel: No, there. You can say it. That's good.
Collins: We have no quarrel with the vampire.
Weatherby: Unless you count that he is a vampire.
Angel: Everything okay in there?
Faith: It was touch and go for those four minutes you left me alone, but somehow I got through it.
Angel: It's not what you think.
Buffy: You actually think I could form a thought right now?
Buffy: Giles heard that...that she tried to kill you.
Angel: That's true.
Buffy: So you decided to punish her with a severe cuddling.
Angel: Is that why you're here? To punish her?
Buffy: I was worried about you.
Faith: Buffy. I'm so --
Buffy: You apologize to me, I will beat you to death.
Angel: She's not gonna run, Buffy.
Buffy: Why would she, when she has her brave knight to protect her? Got you. Did she cry? Pouty lips? Heaving bosom?
Buffy: You hit me.
Angel: Not to go all school yard on you, but you hit me first. In case you've forgotten, you're a little bit stronger than I am.
Buffy: She's playing you. She tried to kill you.
Angel: That was just... That was just a cry for help.
Buffy: A cry for help is when you say "Help" in a loud voice.
Angel: I know Faith did some bad things to you.
Buffy: You can't possibly know.
Angel: You can't possibly know what she's going through.
Buffy: But of course you do. I'm sorry. I can't be in your club. I've never murdered anyone.
Wesley: We need a plan. Buffy can protect Faith.
Angel: I'm not sure that's her agenda.
Wesley: Angel, it wasn't for her. It's because I trust you. Well, more than three gun-toting maniacs at any rate.
Buffy: You're not gonna run, Faith.
Faith: Whaddaya wanna do? Throw me off the roof? Again?
Buffy: Do you have any idea what it was like for me to see you with her? That you went behind my back...
Angel: Buffy, this wasn't about you. This was about saving somebody's soul. That's what I do here, and you're not a part of it. That was your idea, remember? We stay away from each other.
Buffy: I came here because you were in danger.
Angel: I'm in danger every day. You came here because of Faith. You were looking for vengeance.
Buffy: I have a right to it.
Angel: Not in my city.
Buffy: I have someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what you and I had. It's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him.
Angel: That's great. It's nice. You moved on. I can't. You found someone new. I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again, it cuts me up inside. And the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home.
Angel: For a taciturn shadowy guy, I have a big mouth.
Wesley: Do you want to go after her?
Angel: Yes.
Wesley: I don't know how much my opinion counts for, but I think you did the right thing.
Angel: Yelling at Buffy?
Wesley: No. The other thing.
Angel: I didn't do it. Faith did.
Wesley: Perhaps she's strong enough to make it. Peace is not an easy thing to find.
Angel: She has a chance.
WAR ZONE
Cordelia: Mmmm-aah. I've missed that smell.
Wesley: Camembert, I believe.
Cordelia: What? No. Money. I like to smell a little money once and awhile.
Angel: She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office some time and watch her. It's uncanny.
Angel: Thanks for having us.
David: It's a pleasure. Who are you?
David: I've always said that I could make a billion dollars in the software and learn to talk to girls. I'm... still working on step two.
David: I used to play a lot in high school. You know, it was pretty cool. Get to be someone else for a while -- a wizard, a warrior, you know, whole world is magic, and you're fighting troglodytes and romancing exotic demon princesses. You know, it's a rush.
Cordelia: Did someone find out you were a big nerd?
David: No, that's actually public record.
David: Some of us got really into it. Especially the demon romance part. And we heard about this place where the real... The guys were joking about getting some tail.
Wesley: You went to Madame Dorian's.
David: Just once.
Wesley: It's a demon brothel.
David: Or twice.
Wesley: In Bel Air, I believe. The Watcher's Council is rife with stories about it.
Angel: How many --
David: Twelve times.
Angel: -- people knew about you doing it?
Nina: Look, ma. No hands!
Angel: Ow! You know, for some reason, I'm getting the impression you don't like me too much. Maybe I'm just overreacting.
Cordelia: You look...
Angel: Like I've been beaten and stabbed?
Cordelia: Want to see the check again?
Wesley: I can certainly understand their stake first and ask questions later state of mind. That's how they survive.
Cordelia: And the idea of a vampire in a white hat probably seems a little gimme a break-y.
Angel: Ah. Ah. Can I just see that check again?
Gunn: I don't need advice from some middle class white dude that's dead!
Cordelia: Trying to open that? They locked you in, huh?
Angel: No. I just love old meat lockers.
Wesley: You should have tried to call us on your cell phone. ... You probably forgot you had it.
Angel: These things hardly ever work. Besides it was a lot easier and quicker to just... Look, I'm the boss here. I say when we use the cell phones, and people are gonna die, and I have to go.
Cordelia: You're welcome.
Wesley: I asked for a coffee. I know it must be in here someplace.
Angel: I'll be around.
Gunn: I don't need no help.
Angel: I might.
BLIND DATE
Wesley: Perhaps Angel's discovered a new species?
Cordelia: What? Helen Kellerus Homicidilus?
Wesley: Angel said it was as if she anticipated his actions before he carried them out.
Cordelia: A handy skill -- in a fight or on a date.
Wesley: The human eye is only capable of registering a small portion of the electromagnetic spectrum. But if Brewer were somehow equipped to see outside that range...
Cordelia: She'd be Superman.
Angel: How am I supposed to fight evil if they won't even put it behind bars?
Angel: She murdered a man right in front of me, and I can't even testify to that fact in a court of law.
Cordelia: Well, maybe in night court you could...
Angel: How am I expected to do battle if I can't even get into the ring?
Angel: It's their system, and it's one that works. It works because there's no guilt, there's no torment, no consequences. It's pure. I remember what that was like. Sometimes I miss that clarity.
Cordelia: But...not the trying to kill your friends and family part, right?
Lindsey: I don't want to be here any more than you want to see me. I don't have a choice.
Angel: You always have a choice. You sold your soul for a fifth floor office and a company car.
Lindsey: What was your father? A merchant, right? Linen and silk? Did pretty well. Had a couple of servants -- 'til you killed them.
Angel: Just the one.
Lindsey: I guess it's fair to say you've never seen anything like real poverty. I'm talking dirt poor. No shoes, no toilet. Six of us kids in one room. And come flu season it was down to four. I was seven when they took the house. They just came right in and took it. And my daddy's bein' nice, you know? Joking with the bastards while he signs the deed. See we had a choice -- you got stepped on or you got to steppin'. And I swore to myself I wasn't goin' to be the guy standing there with a stupid grin on my face while my life got dribbled out...
Angel: Ooof. I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil?
Lindsey: I get myself killed, that'll convince you I've changed?
Angel: It's a start.
Cordelia: Why are you going in at all? I thought Born Again Boy was gonna do it?
Cordelia: Well then, it seems pretty simple -- except for the you'll-definitely-get-caught factor.
Gunn: Woo hoo!! My God! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe 'em. But damn, here it is! Evil white folks really do have a Mecca.
Gunn: Oww! Did you just step on my foot? Was that my foot you just stepped on? Are you assaulting me, up in this haven of justice!? Somebody get me a lawyer!
Cordelia: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. Willow says "Hey."
Cordelia: Are you telling me self-mutilating, psycho assassin chick reached enlightenment?
Lindsey: Sorry I'm late. Hope I didn't worry anyone.
Cordelia: We just figured you were dead.
Wesley: There is a design, Angel -- hidden in the chaos as it may be. But it's there. And you have your place in it.
TO SHANSHUI IN LA
Cordelia: Hurry up and figure out what it says about Angel, cause I want to know what it says about me -- if there's torrid romance in my future, massive wealth. If I have to, I'll settle for enviable fame.
Wesley: It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic 8-Ball.
Cordelia: Nobody gets my humor.
Angel: I thought it was funny.
Wesley: After all you did for him, he sells his soul for thirty pieces of silver.
Cordelia: Actually, he sold it for a six figure salary and a full benefits package.
David: What did I do today? Spun off my digital pager network, made a few more million... All right, several. Big whoop. What does that mean?
Cordelia: No more shopping at a Penny Saver?
Wesley: I think I know what it means.
Cordelia: A very wealthy man with just no life at all?
Wesley: No, the word in the scroll.
Cordelia: That shoeshine thing?
Cordelia: Angel's going to die?
Angel: Oh. Anything else?
Cordelia: He certainly took that well. Is this that opportune time to talk about my raise?
Cordelia: Pain! Killer!
Wesley: Painful killer demon...
Cordelia: Painkiller!
Cordelia: I ever meet those Powers That Be, I am going to punch them in the nose. Do you think they have a nose?
Wesley: Every source says it's death.
Cordelia: Well, it's a prophecy. It's not like it came from on high.
Wesley: That's what a prophecy is, Cordelia.
Cordelia: Angel faces death all the time. Just like a normal guy who faces waffles and french fries. It's something he faces every day, like... lunch! Are you hungry?
Wesley: That fact that his death is prophesied, which isn't good news, doesn't concern me nearly as much as the way he took that news.
Cordelia: What? He didn't scream like a girl as some of us would have? Angel's cool.
Wesley: What connects us to life?
Cordelia: Right now? I'm going with donuts.
Cordelia: What are you saying, Wesley? That Angel has nothing to look forward to? That he's going to go on forever, the same? In the world, but always cut off from it?
Wesley: Yes.
Cordelia: That sucks!
Cordelia: He's not crazy or anything. He's just different.
Street Vendor: Depressed?
Cordelia: Well, he wears a lot of black.
Angel: I'm sick and tired of you blaming me for everything you can't handle. You want to be enemies? Try me.
Female Oracle: I can't stay long. I've been dead a while. So far, I don't like it.
Gunn: You've done God's work here. If God was a bus boy, he'd look just like you, Jesus.
Gunn: You get enough iron? You look a little pale.
(Angel looks at him.)
Gunn: Okay, it's traditional in the human world to humor people who've done favors for you in the past.
Cordelia: Don't be embarrassed. We're family.
Wesley: I... I'm not used to...
Angel: He's not used to the new you.
Cordelia: I know what's out there now. We have a lot of evil to fight, a lot of people to help. I just hope Skin-n-Bones here can figure out what those lawyers raised sometime before that prophecy kicks in and you croak. ... That was the old me wasn't it?
Angel: I like them both.
Wesley: Uh... oops. I may have made a tiny mistake. The, uh, word -- shanshu -- that I said meant you were going to die? Actually, I think it means you're going to live.
Cordelia: Okay, as tiny mistakes go, that's not one.
Wesley: It's saying that you get to live until you die. It's saying... It's saying you become human.
Wesley: The vampire with a soul, once he fulfills his destiny will shanshu -- become human. It's his reward.
Cordelia: Wow. Angel human.
Angel: That'd be nice.
Cordelia: What was that thing about him having to fulfill his destiny first?
Wesley: Well, it's, uh, it won't happen tomorrow or the next day. He has to survive the coming darkness, the apocalyptic battles, a few plagues, and some...oh, several--not that many--fiends that will be unleashed upon the world.
Angel: So don't break out the champagne just yet.
CITY OF...
Angel: She was a really, really pretty girl. No, she was a hottie girl.
Angel: 'Scuse me. I'm sorry. Has anyone seen my car? It's big and shiny.
Doyle: Well, I like the place. Not much with the view, but it's got a nice Bat-Cave sort of an air to it.
Angel: You don't smell human.
Doyle: Well, that's a bit rude. As it happens I'm very much human...on my mother's side.
Doyle: Let me tell you a little bedtime story.
Angel: But I'm not sleepy.
Doyle: Once upon a time there was a vampire, and he was the meanest vampire in all the land. All the other vampires were afraid of him, he was such a bastard. Then one day he's cursed by Gypsies. They restore his human soul and all of a sudden he's mad with guilt. You know, "What have I done." You know, he's freaked.
Angel: Oh, okay now I'm sleepy.
Doyle: Yeah, well it's a fairly dull tale. It needs a little sex is my feeling. So, sure enough enter a girl. Pretty little blond thing, vampire slayer by trade. And our vampire falls madly in love with her. But eventually, the two of them, well they get fleshy with one another, and the moment he...well I guess the technical term is 'perfect happiness', but when our boy gets there, he goes bad again. He kills again. It's ugly. So when he gets his soul back for a second time, he figures hey, he can't be anywhere near young miss puppy eyes without endangering them both. So what does he do? He takes off. Goes to LA, to fight evil and to atone for his crimes. He's a shadow. A faceless champion of the hapless human race.
Angel: Okay, so you told me the story of my life. Which, since I was there, I already knew. Why aren't I kicking you out?
Doyle: It's not all about fighting and gadgets and such. It's about reaching out to people. Showing them that there's love and hope still left in this world.
Homeless Woman: Got any spare change?
Doyle: Get a job you lazy sow.
Angel: Why would a woman I've never met even talk to me?
Doyle: Have you looked in a mirror lately? No, I guess... you really haven't. No.
Angel: So, uh, are you.... happy?
Tina: What?
Angel: You looked sort of down.
Tina: You've been watching me?
Angel: No, I just.... I was... uh... looking towards there. And you walked.... through there.
Tina: You don't hit on girls very often, do you?
Angel: It's been awhile.
Oliver: You are a beautiful, beautiful man.
Angel: Thanks.
Oliver: You're an actor.
Angel: No.
Oliver: That wasn't a question. I'm Oliver. Ask anyone about Oliver. They'll tell you I'm a fierce animal. I'm your manager as soon as you call.
Angel: I'm not an actor.
Oliver: Funny. I like the humor. I like the whole thing. Call me. This isn't a come on. I'm in a very serious relationship with a landscape architect.
Cordelia: So, um, are you still.... "GRRR"?
Angel: Yeah, there's not actually a cure for that.
Cordelia: Well, I better get mingling. I really should be talking to people that *are* somebody. But it was fun!
Angel: It's nice that she's grown as a person.
Tina: Nice party, huh?
Angel: A little too fabulous for me.
Doyle: You can't cut yourself off.
Angel: Doyle, I don't want to share my feelings. I don't want to open up. I wanna find the guy that killed Tina, and I wanna look him in the eye.
Doyle: Then what?
Angel: Then I'm gonna share my feelings.
Stacy: You have no idea who you're dealing with here.
Angel: Russell? Let me guess. Not big on the daylight or the mirrors. Drinks a lot of V-8.
Doyle: Wow, you're really going to war here. I guess you've seen a few in your time, yeah?
Angel: 14. Not including Vietnam. They never declared it.
Doyle: Well, listen, best of luck to ya man. I've got some fairly large coin riding on the Vikings tonight, but I'll be there with you in spirit, yeah?
Angel: You're driving.
Doyle: Wait a minute! No, no! I'm not combat ready, man. I'm just the messenger!
Angel: And, I'm the message.
Cordelia: Oh god. I'm sorry. I'm getting all weepy in front of you. I probably look really scary. I finally get invited to a nice place with... no mirrors... and .... lots of curtains.... Hey, you're a vampire!
Russell: What? No I'm not.
Cordelia: Are too!
Cordelia: You don't know who he is, do you? Oh boy, you're about to get your ass kicked!
Russell: Angel. We do things a certain way in L.A.
Angel: Well I'm new here.
Russell: But you're a civilized man. We don't have to go around attacking each other. Look at me. I pay my taxes. I keep my name out of the paper. And I don't make waves. And in return, I can do anything I want.
Angel: Really? Can you fly?...Guess not.
Doyle: What happened to Russell?
Angel: He went into the light.
Cordelia: I was just saying that if we're going to be helping people out, maybe a small charge. A fee. You know something to help pay the rent. And.... my salary. You need someone to organize things and you're not exactly rolling in it Mr. I Was Alive for 200 Years and Never Developed an Investment Portfolio.
Angel: You want to charge people?
Cordelia: Well not everybody, but sooner or later we are going to have to help some rich people, right?
Cordelia: Of course this is just temporary, until my inevitable stardom takes effect!
Doyle: You made a good choice. She'll provide a connection to the world. She's got a very ... humanizing influence.
Angel: You think she's a hottie.
Doyle: Ah, yeah, she's a stiffener alright. I can't lie about that.
Doyle: You know, there's a lot of people in this city that need helping.
Angel: So I noticed.
Doyle: You game?
Angel: I'm game.
LONLEY HEARTS
Doyle: Instead, you're moping around the dark like some kind of...
Angel: Vampire?
Doyle: Well, I was gonna say slacker...but yeah, to you Mr. Obvious.
Doyle: Tell her what a great guy I am.
Angel: I barely know you.
Doyle: Perfect. That should make it easier for you then.
Doyle: Great idea. Calling cards. Its not like you have a signal folks can shine in the sky whenever they need help.
Angel: Look at that, there's our number right next to...a...uh...butterfly?
Doyle: It's obviously not a butterfly, you idiot. It's a bird. No, no wait...it's an owl...no...
Cordelia: Hey, you look troubled. Or is that just your lazy eye? Anyway, call us. We're very discreet.
Doyle: See, you need to chat people up a bit more casual like, you know? "Hi, what's your name? How's life treating you? What's that you say? Minions from hell getting you down?"
Angel: Seriously, I wasn't hitting on you.
Angel: I'm not good at this...talking.
Angel: Basically I help...uh...I'm a veterinarian.
Doyle: Violence is not gonna solve a thing...on the other hand, it's kind of festive.
Cordelia: Well, a couple hundred years ago, the only thing you had to worry about was a hangover. Today, cause of your curse thingy, you can't sleep with anyone or else you might feel a moment of true happiness and lose your soul, become evil -again- and kill everyone.
Angel: Thanks Cordelia. I always appreciate your perspective.
Cordelia: No problem.
Cordelia: Downloading pictures of naked women?
Doyle: Well, that's more or less accurate.
Kate: I can go wherever I want...and you can go to Hell.
Angel: Been there, done that.
Cordelia: I've known a lot of demons, and slime aside, not a lot going on there.
Angel: You actually live here?
Cordelia: Yes, okay? Is it my fault that maid service was interrupted? It was supposed to go home, hotel, hotel, husband. Now, can we move on?
Angel: It's a burrower.
Cordelia: It's a donkey? We didn't see any donkey demons.
Angel: I know you guys have been working hard. Cooped up inside a lot and to show my appreciation, I was think, the night bein', you know, young and all, that the three of us could...should...maybe uh....go out. You know, for fun.
Cordelia: Or, we can go home.
Doyle: And you could sit in the dark, alone.
Angel: God yes. Thank you.
IN THE DARK
Spike: (girly voice) "How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad-hunk-of-a-knight-thing?"
(manly voice) "No need little lady. Your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire. But love, and a pesky curse, defanged me. And now, I'm just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No! Not the hair! Never the hair."
(girly voice) "But there must be some way I can show my appreciation."
(manly voice) "No, helping those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough."
(girly voice) "I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so..."
(manly voice) "Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair gel I like so much. Quickly! To the Angel-mobile! Away!"
Spike: Go on with you. Play the big strapping hero while you can. You have a few surprises coming your way: the Ring of Amarra, a visit from your old pal Spike, and--oh yeah--your gruesome, horrible death.
Cordelia: This is so awesome! Our first walk-in client. Everything is going according to plan! See girl in distress. See Angel save girl from druggie stalker boyfriend. See boyfriend go to jail. And see..... invoice! Ta-Da!
Cordelia: So, why are you not rejoicing at our first paying client?
Doyle: Cuz that's not money in your hand darlin'. That's mail.
Oz: Hello, L.A.
Cordelia: Oz? Oh my god. Oz! I am so happy to see you! Good old Oz! Oz. Oz!
Doyle: Let me just take a stab at this, but... you'd be Oz?
Oz: Good guess.
Cordelia: This is so cool! I mean, here you are, in L.A., and you're the total embodiment of all things Sunnydale!
Oz: Well, it's a burden, but I manage.
Cordelia: Okay, we have serious catching up to do. How's everything? How's... how's the Bronze?
Oz: The same.
Cordelia: And the gang?
Oz: They're good.
Cordelia: Good? Good. Good.
Oz: We done?
Cordelia: Completely.
Oz: You guys are, like, detectives?
Cordelia: No. I'm an actress.
Doyle: And quite a captivating one at that.
Cordelia: And between my many gigs, I sometimes choose to help Angel.
Doyle: He's the detective.
Oz: Does he have a hat and gun?
Cordelia: Just fangs.
Oz: Well, that works.
Angel: Oz.
Oz: Angel.
Angel: Nice surprise.
Oz: Thanks.
Angel: Staying long?
Oz: Few days.
Doyle: They always like this?
Oz: No, we're usually laconic.
Cordelia: Hey, Buffy. How is good old Buffy anyway?
Oz: She's....
Cordelia: What? Still the brave little Slayer? Or is she moping around in the dark like..... nobody around here. Hmm-mmm.
Cordelia: Okay, you're getting weird with this ring. Since when did you get all Versace about accessorizing?
Oz: Your old buddy Spike dug up Sunnydale looking for it and got a fistful of Buffy and left it behind. She wanted to be sure it was in good hands.
Angel: So she sent you.
Oz: I was heading this way.
Cordelia: And she didn't even send a note? Wow, that's really.... this is one of those times when I should shy away from the topic, isn't it?
Doyle: I got something that'll boost your spirits. Why don't you put it on, and here, I'll stake ya. It'll be fun!
Doyle: Okay, you have it your way, but I'm still going to celebrate with a drink down at the pub.
Cordelia: He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down at the pub.
Doyle: You know what'd feel really good right now? One of those mind-numbing, head-cracking visions that I get from time to time. Because that'd really kill me. What, is there some kind of trick to this?
Cordelia: I think the trick is laying off the ale before you start quoting Angela's Ashes and weeping like a baby man.
Doyle: Hey, that's a good book.
Cordelia: So I've heard. But I doubt very much that the main characters are Betty and Barney Rubble, as you so vehemently insisted last night. Also, I don't think Oz appreciated being called My Little Bam Bam all night.
Angel: Might as well go home, Spike. The Gem of Amarra stays with me.
Spike: Why? Cuz you're Angel, Vamp Detective now? Ooo. I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire cowboy? Vampire fireman? Oh! Vampire ballerina!
Angel: I do like to work with my legs.
Angel: So, you and I duke it out, huh. This your big strategy for getting the ring back?
Spike: I had a plan.
Angel: You? A plan?
Spike: A good plan. Smart. Carefully laid out. But I got bored. All that watching, waiting. My legs started to cramp. I hate to quip. Just tell me where the damn ring is.
Angel: It wouldn't go with your outfit.
Spike: Cordelia. You look smashing. You lose weight?
Cordelia: Yes! You know, there's this great gym on.... hey!
Cordelia: Please, I couldn't get comfortable here if the floor was lined with mink. I mean, how can you live like this?
Doyle: Well, I didn't until last week, and I saw what you did with your place? I just had to call my decorator.
Doyle: So what about this Spike? Is he as bad as all that? Should I be sweating?
Cordelia: No, he's not so...... < sigh > Sweat.
Cordelia: Oh! And this one time, he and Dru raised this demon that burned people alive from the inside. It was this whole weird thing with an arm in a box.
Doyle: An arm in a box?
Spike: You caught me fair and square, white hat. Guess there's nothing to do now but go along quietly and pay my debt to society.
Angel: You think you can come to my town and pull this crap? You never learn Spike.
Spike: I may be a slow learner, but eventually I catch on.
Spike: Marcus is an expert. Some say artist, but I've never been comfortable with labels. He's a bloody king of torture, he is. Humans, demons, politicians -- makes no difference. Some say he invented several of the classics, but he won't tell me which ones.
Marcus: His skin.
Spike: Annoying isn't it? Still attached.
Marcus: Over 200 years of living and so little external damage. What about internal?
Spike: Do you two need to be alone? Or can we get on with the ouchie part?
Marcus: He's known love.
Spike: Yeah, with a Slayer no less. How's that for perversion?
Marcus: And he has a soul.
Spike: Right. Vampire with a soul. Cursey cursed to walk the earth, trying to do good. That's not going to be a problem is it?
Marcus: On the contrary, creatures with souls have something to lose.
Spike: Souls, fingers, toes -- let's get chopping shall we? I want my damn ring.
Angel: Are you going to torture me, or just bore me to death?
Spike: Someone's having shish kabob.
Marcus: What do you want, Angel?
Angel: House in the country. A good pair of running shoes you can also wear out to dinner.
Spike: Why do you keep playing that bleeding Brahms?
Marcus: Actually it's Mozart. Symphony 41. I find it very effective.
Spike: Yeah, well, personally I prefer his older, funnier symphonies myself.
Angel: You hired a vampire. What do you think he's going to do with the ring when he finds it, huh? Hand it over to you?
Spike: Oh! Good lord! Why didn't I think of ... oh, half a mo... I did!
Spike: It's called addiction, Angel. We all have them. I believe yours is named Slutty the Vampire Slayer.
Spike: Speaking of little Buff. I ran into her recently. Your name didn't come up. Although, she has been awful busy jumping the bones of the very first lunkhead who came long. Good looking fellow. Used her shamelessly. She is *cute* when she's hurting, isn't she?
Angel: She's cuter when she's kicking your ass.
Spike: What is it with you good guys running in packs? Who's this one then?
Doyle: More than meets the eye, blondie.
Spike: Oooo, the Mick's got spine. Maybe I'll snap it in two.
Doyle: Where's Angel?
Spike: Um, tall, brooding guy? Cave Man brow? He's having the living hell tortured out of him.
Cordelia: I don't trust you.
Spike: To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase: Duh!
Spike: Now you made him mad. Wouldn't want to be in your chains.
Spike: I do the work. I do the digging. I fight off a Slayer. Drive to L.A. Hire the help. And what do I get? Royally screwed is what! Well that cinches it. No more partners. From now on, I'm my own man. Lone wolf. Sole survivor. Look out! Here comes Spike! The biggest, baddest mother... aaagh!
Cordelia: We need to get him to a hospital.
Oz: I hear you, but which one? They all tend to specialize in humans.
Cordelia: It's daylight, and you're ringless. Unless you're changing the act to Human Torch, I don't think so!
Angel: Thanks for the help, man. You were key.
Oz: You're.... incredibly pale.
Oz: He's very pale. Paler than most people.
Doyle: So, how long's it been between sunsets?
Angel: 200 years, give or take.
Doyle: It is spectacular, I know, but I do promise there will be another one just like it again tomorrow.
Angel: Not for me.
Doyle: What are you saying, that the city's going to get hit by a meteor before tomorrow night? No, no, it's too horrible to say. I can't even bring myself to say the other...
Angel: I'm not gonna wear the ring.
Doyle: That was the other.
Doyle: You got a real addiction to the brooding part of life, anyone ever tell ya that?
Angel: Once or twice.
Doyle: So what, you don't get the ring because your period of self-flagellation isn't over yet?
Angel: I was brought back for a reason, Doyle. And as much as I'd like to kid myself, I don't think it was for 18 holes at Rancho.
Angel: I don't know about you, but I had a nice day. You know, except for the bulk of it where I was nearly tortured to death.
Doyle: Aye, you stood up.
Angel: Oh God. I was this close to tellin' him everything. One more hot poker and I was givin' him the ring, your mom, everything. How *is* your mom?
I FALL TO PIECES
Angel: What is this?
Cordelia: Last week's coffee. Think of it as... espresso!
Angel: I think my esophagus is melting.
Doyle: Don't worry. When Angel's finished with this case, I guarantee you'll be wanting to jump off a bridge again.
Doyle: Not a lot of things make me shudder. But this guy? Crawling around under the covers? At least it was just his hands down there.... I wish I hadn't even thought that.
Melissa: Angel's right. You're weak.
Ronald: I'm weak? Then how is it I killed him?
Angel: Inefficiently.
Doyle: Let's march down to the bank right now and deposit this beauty.
Angel: You guys go on. I think I'll stay here and not burst into flames.
ROOM WITH A VIEW
Doyle: Tell me stuff.
Angel: What stuff?
Doyle: About Cordelia.
Angel: Well, I know she can't type or file. 'Til today I had some hope regarding the phone.
Doyle: Who's Aura?
Angel: I think she's one of Cordelia's group. People called them the Cordettes. A bunch of girls from wealthy families. They ruled the high school, decided what was in, who was popular. It's like the Soviet Secret Police if they cared a lot about shoes.
Doyle: Well the things you learn. I had no idea Angel was Queen of the Winter Ball.
Doyle: Your high school diploma's all burned.
Cordelia: Yeah. It was a rough ceremony.
Angel: My name's Angel. What's yours?
Demon: Screw you.
Angel: (SLAM) My name's Angel. What's yours?
Demon: (silence)
Angel: (SLAM) My name's Angel. What's yours?
Demon: Griff.
Cordelia: You know what? I get it. You're a ghost. You're dead! Big accomplishment! Move on! You see a light anywhere? Go towards it!
Cordelia: Whoo! Cold wind! Scary. What're you gonna do? Chap me to death?
Cordelia: Oh goody, another of Doyle's guys. Tell me, is this the same guy that helped me find my poltergeistilicious apartment?
Kate: Now you're talking like a detective.
Angel: I am a detective.
Kate: Well, see, the thing about detectives is they have resumes and business licenses and last names. Pop stars and popes, those are the one-named guys.
Angel: You got me. I'm a pope.
Cordelia: I'm not a sniveling, whining little cry-Buffy. I'm the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no one! Back off Polygrip!! You think you're bad? All mean and haunty? Picking on poor pathetic Cordy. Well, get ready to haul your wrinkly translucent ass outta this place, cuz lady.... the Bitch is back.
Maude Pearson: Do you think I'm going to take that from trash like you?
Cordelia: I'll tell you what I think. I think you're going to pack your little ghost bags and get the hell out of MY HOUSE!!!
Doyle: You did it.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, she pissed me off.
SENCE AND SENSITIVITY
Kate: Supervisor Caffrey shot himself?
Spivey: It happens.
Kate: In the back of the head? Wrapped himself in plastic? And he locked himself in the trunk of his car?
Spivey: He'd been depressed.
Angel: Cordelia, you need to...
Cordelia: No! I don't care what horrible thing is about to happen - asteroids are hurtling towards Earth, unspeakable evil is rising in the San Fernando Valley, Jar Jar is getting his own talk show, whatever -- I don't want to hear about it. Not 'til you ask us how it went.
Angel: ... call your mother back.
Kate: You have the most intense eyes. I see such an old soul.
Doyle: He gets that a lot, you know.
Cordelia: I'm so glad we came down here to watch Late Night with Creepy Cop Lady.
Angel: Which demon do you worship? Which one gives you power?
Lloyd: A whole bunch, actually. I'm a polytheist.
Cordelia: He put the whammie on you! You stink of whammie!
Angel: The talking stick is cursed all right.
Cordelia: There's a stick that talks?
Angel: Cordelia, do you have any idea how precious you are? He admitted it to me after I (sigh) threatened him with physical violence.
Kate: I am not a bitch! I'm just protected.
Little Tony: No one's protecting you now.
Angel: Hey! I'm feeling some serious negative energy in this room.
BACHELOR PARTY
Cordelia: You were so . . . brave.
Doyle: You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're steppin' on my moment of manliness here.
Cordelia: I'm just. . .
Doyle: Surprised?
Cordelia: Grateful.
Doyle: I'm the one you followed. It's me you want. (Phfft) Ha! (Phfft) Fangs for the memories Vamp man. ...Hey! I was just...that wasn't...
Cordelia: An incredible spaz attack?
Doyle: He seems like a nice . . . friendly . . . fellow, don't you think?
Angel: Definitely friendly. Only, uh, he seemed a bit . . . .
Doyle: Exactly! I knew he was no good!
Harry: Richard wanted some time alone with Doyle to invite him to his bachelor party.
Cordelia: Bachelor party? Why? Was he afraid he ordered too much beer?
Aunt: Come on girls. It's pornographic Pictionary time!
Harry: Their ways are not our ways.
Doyle: Harry says I should mix with other demons. I'll mix! (SMASH)
Harry: Oh please, Uncle John. When's the last time you pried yourself away from ESPN to spill the blood of a she-goat?
Harry: One word, Francis. Just one word and I'll eat your brains.
I WILL REMEMBER YOU
Cordelia: Batten down the hatches. Here comes Hurricane Buffy.
Doyle: You think? Maybe he's over her.
Cordelia: You have so much to learn Little Irish Man.
Buffy: I just know that when you're around, whether I see you or not, I feel you. Inside. And it throws me.
Angel: It throws me, too.
Buffy: Friend of yours?
Angel: Never saw it before.
Buffy: It was rude. We should go kill it.
Angel: I'm free.
Cordelia: Hey! You walked in the front door from the street You've . . .
Angel: Yeah.
Cordelia: ...got an umbrella!
Angel: I'm a mortal now. I have a mortal body, and . . . . I'm so HUNGRY!
Cordelia: Look out! He's going to eat! Everything in sight.
Doyle: I'll finally be free to go out and make me own mark in the world.
Cordelia: We had a cat that used to do that.
Doyle: It was in some sort of factory. I thought it tasted like salt. Could've been the margarita.
Demon: What do you think of the great warrior now?
Angel: Little bland, needs salt.
Buffy: So, what, you just took a whole 24 hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it was more fun being a super hero?
Angel: You know that's not it. How can we be together if the cost is your life or the lives of others?
HERO
Doyle: Angel Investigations is the best! Our rats are low...
Cordelia: Rates!
Doyle: It says rats.
Cordelia: Maybe if we get him a costume!
Doyle: A costume?
Cordelia: Well, the guy's a bona fide hero. Would it kill him to put on some tights and a cape and garner us a little free publicity?
Doyle: I don't see Angel putting on tights...Oh, now I do and it's really disturbing.
Doyle: You had the one thing you've wanted in your unnaturally long life, and you gave it back?
Angel: Maybe I was wrong.
Doyle: Or maybe Cordelia was right about you being the real deal in the hero department. See, I would have chosen the pleasures of the flesh over duty and honor any day of the week. I just don't have that strength.
Angel: You never know your strength until you're tested.
Doyle: I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. Thought if I did, you'd reject me.
Cordelia: I've rejected you way before now!
Cordelia: What do you think I am, superficial?! I mean, you're half demon. That is so far down the list -- way under short ... and poor.
Scourge Leader: You lied to us, half-breed.
Angel: You catch on quick, football head.
Doyle: The good fight, yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.
Doyle: Is that it? Am I done?
PARTING GIFTS
Barney: I just realized it's 3:45 in the afternoon. Middle of the day. If you're a vampire, why aren't you in your coffin?
Angel: A coffin. I hate that stereotype. You're a demon and you don't know anything about vampires?
Barney: Only what I learned from TV.
Wesley: I think it only fair to warn you, any sudden movement and I'll be forced--
Angel: (slaps crossbow away)
Wesley: Right. You had a question?
Wesley: I'm a Rogue Demon Hunter now.
Cordelia: Wow... What's a rogue demon?
Angel: I did have someone at my side, he's dead now, I work alone.
Angel: In case you're wondering, this is me looking for clues. Feel free to join in any time you want.
Wesley: You! Butcher an innocent girl, will you? I'm going to thrash you within an inch of your life. And then I'm gonna take that inch!!!
Cordelia: He's a good cook for someone on a liquid diet.
SOMNAMBULIST
Wesley: I think it's about to speak.
Cordelia: Nobody likes a smart-ass rogue demon hunter.
Angel: Who were you talking to?
Cordelia: Nobody. And Wesley.
Wesley: You fear these might be more than just dreams, that you're acting them out in some sort of hypnagogic state.
Cordelia: Hypna-wha-gic?
Angel: I taught him well.
Cordelia: A real Psycho-Wan Kenobi.
Wesley: Where'd you get the police radio?
Angel: Police car.
Wesley: Oh dear!
Angel: Get me a stake.
Cordelia: It's like 8 in the morning. Oh!
Angel: I was just thinking about how much this place is like where I grew up.
Cordelia: Right. Yeah. I can see that, except for the cars and the buildings and the, you know, everything else.
EXPECTING
Angel: Okay, so, why is Mrs. Benson filed under 'F'?
Cordelia: Because she's from France. Remember what a pain she was?
Angel: Yeah, made me want to drink a lot.
Cordelia: Well, that's the French for you.
Wesley: What about the fact they thought we were gay?
Angel: Adds mystery.
Wilson: Who're you talking to?
Cordelia: My ghost? I have a ghost. He's jealous.
Cordelia: Angel.
Angel: It's all right. We're here.
Cordelia: I'm ready to wake up now. I don't seem to be waking up.
Cordelia: What would I say to him? "I had a really great time. I think you left something at my place?"
(Cordelia guzzles blood from Angel's fridge.)
Angel: I don't think I've ever realized just how disgusting that was.
Angel: I really hate it when people shoot me.
Wesley: As a point of courtesy, I like to get to know my opponents before I engage them in mortal combat. Do, uh, do you have any hobbies?
Cordelia: I learned something, too. I learned, um, men are evil? Oh, wait. I knew that. I learned that LA is full of self-serving phonies. Nope. Had that one down, too. Sex is bad?
Angel: We all knew that.
Cordelia: Okay, I learned that I have two people I trust absolutely with my life. And that part's new.
SHE
Cordelia: Hi! You having fun?
Angel: Sure. This is, uh...
Cordelia: Your idea of hell.
Angel: Actually, in hell you tend to know a lot of the people.
Angel: The quiet, reserved thing -- don't you think that makes me kind of, I don't know, cool?
Cordelia: He was cooler.
Wesley: Good morning!
Angel: Now I'm depressed.
Cordelia: There are portals now? When did they put in portals? Don't we have enough on our hands with out burning monsters fiends coming here?
Cordelia: I wonder how we find where they keep the compost?
Wesley: I'd say we follow our noses.
Jhiera: How are they doing?
Guy: They're chillin'!
Guy: And which dimension are you from, brother?
Angel: You don't want to know.
Cordelia: Wow. Groveling isn't just a way of life for you. It's an art.
Wesley: I do not grovel. (to Angel) Please don't fire me.
Cordelia: Oh, look who's here. Can I get you something? Knife to our throat, you can run away?
I'VE GOT YOU UNDER MY SKIN
Wesley: A knife with that mark is the only way to kill a Kek demon. It could be very useful.
Angel: Especially if Kek demons weren't extinct.
Angel: She's making brownies.
Wesley: Oh, is that what I smell? I thought I'd tracked something in.
Ryan: You're bleeding. Are you gonna cry?
Angel: I don't think so. I don't know. Let me think. No...yeah...no. Nope, not gonna cry.
Seth (smoking): This bother you?
Angel: No.
Seth: Lotta health nuts these days, you know. Like anyone needs to live forever.
Angel: No one needs that.
Paige: What's your secret, Angel?
Angel: I use chocolate. That's why they're brown -- which gives them their name. Brownies!
Angel: You've never done this before. Look, it takes tremendous strength -- mental strength.
Wesley: Resistance to suggestion. Yes, I understand that. I like to think of myself as possessing a certain...
Angel: Wesley, you don't even have sales resistance. How many thigh masters do you own?
Wesley: The second one was a free gift with my Buns of Steel.
Ethros: Do you know what the most frightening thing in the world is? Nothing.
Seth: I was just trying to hold my family together.
Angel: I think you did.
THE PRODIGAL
Angel: This thing was a fighter.
Wesley: Not if it was a Kwahini, it wasn't. At least, not a fighter by nature. They're incredibly articulate, gentle creatures. Not even capable of the kind of power and strength you described.
Cordelia: Maybe it was just having a bad skanky rag day.
Angel: It's about that demon from this morning...
Kate: If you insist on talking about this stuff, could you please not say that word? It makes me... It makes me, I don't know, just uncomfortable. Just say... Evil Thing, okay?
Wesley: I think you'll find most people require some period of adjustment when confronted with the dark forces which surround us. Women in particular...
Cordelia (wielding saw, referring to demon): Found it!
Wesley: ...struggle with it
Angel: So, you're back.
Cordelia: Very good, Mister I-can't-tail-the-suspect-during-the-day- because-I'll-burst-into-flames Private Eye.
Vampire: Looks like you're not welcome here, bro.
Angel: He dies, and the very instant his soul leaves his body, I'm through this door, and I kill you both.
Demon: You don't understand what stands before you!
Angel: Oh... a big ugly drug-running demon who thinks he's a lot scarier than really he is, maybe? Yeah, she knows.
Demon: You're dead!
Angel: I'm already dead. (chops his head off) Welcome to the club.
Darla: Your victory over him took but moments.
Angel: Yes.
Darla: But his defeat of you will last lifetimes.
Angel: What are you talking about? He can't defeat me now.
Darla: Nor can he ever approve of you. In this world or any other. What we once were informs all that we have become. The same love will infect our hearts, even if they no longer beat. Simple death won't change that.
THE RING
Cordelia: Okay, I'm in. What did Darren write down about the demons that took his brother?
Wesley: Bald. Ultra-white skin. Slime.
Cordelia: There's always slime. This is why I don't gamble. You make a small wager one day and a bigger one the next, and before you know it... Beetlejuicey Albino comes a-knockin'!
Cordelia: Claws or hands?
Wesley: He wrote 'claw-like hands.'
Cordelia: Could be a mixed-breed. Smell?
Wesley: Sulfuric.
Cordelia: Add a Porsche and hair plugs, and I've dated this guy. A lot.
Angel: You set me up.
Darren: It was a group effort.
Cordelia: You're going to the bookie?
Wesley: That's the last place we know Angel went.
Cordelia: The bookie who may get his jollies cutting off people's extremities?
Wesley: That's why I'm taking this! (pulls out crossbow...and a tangle of other things) Along with a few other things.
Wesley: These Octavian matches date back to the Roman Empire I'd heard rumors of a revival.
Cordelia: Well, couldn't they have just done West Side Story?
Cribb: One lucky kill don't make you an expert.
Angel: That wasn't the first life I've taken -- or the twenty-first.
Angel: You're a fight fan. And a lawyer. Let me guess -- Wolfram & Hart.
Cordelia: Wesley came up with the key!
Wesley: But Cordelia came up with the key to the key in a clinch moment.
Angel: You both did great. And I think we did a good thing here.
Wesley: Yes. We set the captives free.
Cordelia: Well, actually, didn't we set a bunch of demons free?
Wesley: Ah well, technically...yes.
ETERNITY
(watching Cordelia act)
Wesley: We're doomed.
Angel: Maybe we can make a break for it.
Wesley: Impossible.
Angel: Front exit?
Wesley: They'd spot us instantly.
Angel: Back door?
Wesley: Blocked.
Angel: That's it then. We're trapped.
Wesley: We might try shouting fire...It's not technically a crowded theater.
Cordelia: Angel? Was I good?
Angel: I wouldn't say it if I didn't think so.
Cordelia: Thanks! (beat) You didn't say it.
Angel: Hey, you know, it was a night in the theatre I'll never forget.
Angel: Cordelia, she's just a person.
Cordelia: Spoken like a true non-person.
Angel: Cordelia. You're here. And . . . you brought a cross.
Cordelia: And along with three double half-caf non-fat skinny lates.
Angel: And a cross.
Rebecca: Cordelia says you've saved the world.
Angel: Couple times I helped. But I almost had it sucked into Hell once, too.
Angelus: In all my years, I never killed a famous person before. But with no witnesses, hey, who's going to believe me? Maybe we could take a picture. I know! We'll do it like we did back in the day. I'll keep your head on a stick as proof.
Rebecca: My head on a stick?
Angelus: Well, okay -- pike.
Rebecca: I just wanted to...
Angelus: Be like me? Hey, can't say I blame you. I'm one happy fellow.
Angelus: Tell you what. I'll torture ya for a few unbelievably long hours, and you can tell me if this is the lifestyle for you.
Angelus: Name's Angelus.
Wesley: I don't wish to resort to drastic measures. But unless you listen to reason, I warn you...
Angelus: You're warning me? What happened, Wes? You suddenly grow a pair?
Angelus: Good news, Wes Old Boy! You don't have an inferiority complex. You're just simply inferior.
Cordelia: Why don't you just...just...
Angelus: Just just just just...Line! "Of course, a time will come...when Torvald is not as devoted...to me." You were really, let me tell you, bad.
Cordelia: Stop it.
Angelus: Why? You didn't. I mean, I've been to Hell, but that was so much worse.
Angel: So we're okay then?
Cordelia: I'm too big of a person to let something so petty get in the way of our friendship.
Angel: I appreciate that. (pause) You're not going to untie me, are you?
FIVE BY FIVE
Angel: Name Marquez?
(Marquez nods)
Angel: Good. I hate saving the wrong guy.
Angel: Can I take off this blindfold yet?
Darla: No.
Angel: Can I take off something else?
Cordelia: I knew it when you brought him in last night. Someone with that much body art is gonna have a different definition of civic duty.
Wesley: After we saved his life?
Cordelia: When was the last time you wrote a thank you card?
Cordelia: Wesley, you don't change a guy like that. In fact, generally speaking, you don't change a guy. What you see is what you get. Scratch the surface, and whaddaya find? More surface. What's Angel gonna do, drag a bunch of them in here to shove a soul down this guy's throat?
Wesley: He may be a ruffian. But he's already got a soul, and therefore, somewhere deep down inside, an urge to do what's right.
(The door opens.)
Marquez: No way, I'm gone.
(Angel drags him back and slams the door.)
Angel: Shut up and sit down.
Cordelia: I guess you're right Wesley. He's just like the Dalai Lama.
Angel: You're gonna have to face your demons some time.
Marquez: What if I don't want to face my demons?
Angel: Then you'll have to face mine.
Girl: Excuse me!
Faith: Okay. You're excused.
Girl: That's my boyfriend.
Faith: Really? Does he have your name on him? Cause I don't see it anywhere.
Lindsey: I hate failure when there's no one else to blame it on.
Lila: I'll make the contact.
Lee: I don't think so. It's my deal; I'll make the contact.
Lila: Let me think about it--No.
Lee: Why not?
Lila: It's your people skills. You don't have any.
Lee: You bitch.
Cordelia: You can always tell when he's happy. His scowl? Slightly less scowly.
Lee: It might behoove you to know a little bit more about your intended, so before we discuss remuneration...
Faith: Huh?
Lee: Payment.
Lee: I wanna make sure you understand this firm is in no way connected to anything you do. It's my ass on the line here. I don't want you to make me look bad.
(Faith whams his head against the table)
Faith: How do you look now?
Cordelia: Oh, and we should pick up the tab for lunch. Nothing says success less than splitting the bill.
Angel: I didn't bring any money with me.
Cordelia: Okay, Elvis, when you're a big star, you can get away without carrying cash. And while we're on the subject, I think one of us should apply for a small business loan. Just to get us through the rough spots. I mean, what's a 30-year loan to you?
Faith: That was so cool! This is gonna be fun.
Wesley: Oh my god, Faith.
Angel: I thought she was in a coma.
Cordelia: Pretty lively coma.
Angel: Giles said she left Sunnydale about a week ago. Described her mental state as borderline psychotic.
Cordelia: That explains her outfit.
Angel: Make yourselves scarce. I don't want to give her any free targets.
Wesley: You've been targeted by a psychotic. I'm certainly not going to run and hide.
Cordelia: I like the plan where I'm scarce.
Wesley: We've got to band together. Strength in numbers.
Cordelia: Two's a number.
Wesley: It seems you're taking this personally.
Angel: She tried to shoot my own personal back, so yeah.
Wesley: She's not a demon. She's a sick, sick girl. If there's even a chance she can be reasoned with...
Angel: There was. Last year, I had a shot at saving her. I was pulling her back from the brink when some British guy kidnapped her and made damn sure she'd never trust another living soul.
Cordelia: Angel, it's not Wesley's fault that some British guy ruined your... oh wait. That was you. Go on.
Wesley: You don't need to.
Lawyer: We have to close Gruber now. Before the soft offer becomes hard and the stock goes...
Angel: Through the ceiling!
Lawyer: In the toilet!
Angel: Right.
Cordelia: Phantom Dennis, let us in. It's all right. It's only Wesley.
Wesley: Dennis your ghost, I presume?
Cordelia: Yes. He's jealous. (To Dennis) Don't worry. Hell will freeze over before I have sex with him.
Wesley: Thank goodness for small favors.
Cordelia: Here, another guy ran into something he referred to as the Bitch from Hell, who sent him home with paramedics.
Faith: I feel it's kind of my duty to tell you that if you'd been a better Watcher, I would have been a more positive role model.
Faith: Face it, Wesley, you really were a jerk. Always walking around like you had some great big stake rammed up your English Channel.
Faith: Admit it, Wesley, didn't you always kind of have the hots for me?
SANCTUARY
Wesley: Bitch. Not you, obviously.
Angel: Donuts?
Wesley: Developed a sweet fang, have you?
Angel: It wasn't too long ago that you were the one making a case for her rehabilitation.
Wesley: It wasn't too long ago I had full feeling in my right arm!
Angel: You go out that door, you'll be running for the rest of your life. My bet is, it'd be a pretty short run.
Collins: That was a nasty business back in Sunnydale. But nobody blames you.
Wesley: Really? Because I rather got the impression they did, when they sacked me.
Faith: I gotta be the first Slayer in history to be sponsored by a vampire.
Angel: Yeah, well I got some experience in that area, too.
Faith: All my life, there was only one person who tried to be my friend. Went out of their way when I had no right or reason to expect her to, and... I screwed her. Not to mention her boyfriend. Only him literally.
Angel: Faith, you and I never --
Faith: No, not you. The new one. ... Oh my God. Angel, I'm so sorry.
Angel: No, there. You can say it. That's good.
Collins: We have no quarrel with the vampire.
Weatherby: Unless you count that he is a vampire.
Angel: Everything okay in there?
Faith: It was touch and go for those four minutes you left me alone, but somehow I got through it.
Angel: It's not what you think.
Buffy: You actually think I could form a thought right now?
Buffy: Giles heard that...that she tried to kill you.
Angel: That's true.
Buffy: So you decided to punish her with a severe cuddling.
Angel: Is that why you're here? To punish her?
Buffy: I was worried about you.
Faith: Buffy. I'm so --
Buffy: You apologize to me, I will beat you to death.
Angel: She's not gonna run, Buffy.
Buffy: Why would she, when she has her brave knight to protect her? Got you. Did she cry? Pouty lips? Heaving bosom?
Buffy: You hit me.
Angel: Not to go all school yard on you, but you hit me first. In case you've forgotten, you're a little bit stronger than I am.
Buffy: She's playing you. She tried to kill you.
Angel: That was just... That was just a cry for help.
Buffy: A cry for help is when you say "Help" in a loud voice.
Angel: I know Faith did some bad things to you.
Buffy: You can't possibly know.
Angel: You can't possibly know what she's going through.
Buffy: But of course you do. I'm sorry. I can't be in your club. I've never murdered anyone.
Wesley: We need a plan. Buffy can protect Faith.
Angel: I'm not sure that's her agenda.
Wesley: Angel, it wasn't for her. It's because I trust you. Well, more than three gun-toting maniacs at any rate.
Buffy: You're not gonna run, Faith.
Faith: Whaddaya wanna do? Throw me off the roof? Again?
Buffy: Do you have any idea what it was like for me to see you with her? That you went behind my back...
Angel: Buffy, this wasn't about you. This was about saving somebody's soul. That's what I do here, and you're not a part of it. That was your idea, remember? We stay away from each other.
Buffy: I came here because you were in danger.
Angel: I'm in danger every day. You came here because of Faith. You were looking for vengeance.
Buffy: I have a right to it.
Angel: Not in my city.
Buffy: I have someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what you and I had. It's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him.
Angel: That's great. It's nice. You moved on. I can't. You found someone new. I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again, it cuts me up inside. And the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home.
Angel: For a taciturn shadowy guy, I have a big mouth.
Wesley: Do you want to go after her?
Angel: Yes.
Wesley: I don't know how much my opinion counts for, but I think you did the right thing.
Angel: Yelling at Buffy?
Wesley: No. The other thing.
Angel: I didn't do it. Faith did.
Wesley: Perhaps she's strong enough to make it. Peace is not an easy thing to find.
Angel: She has a chance.
WAR ZONE
Cordelia: Mmmm-aah. I've missed that smell.
Wesley: Camembert, I believe.
Cordelia: What? No. Money. I like to smell a little money once and awhile.
Angel: She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office some time and watch her. It's uncanny.
Angel: Thanks for having us.
David: It's a pleasure. Who are you?
David: I've always said that I could make a billion dollars in the software and learn to talk to girls. I'm... still working on step two.
David: I used to play a lot in high school. You know, it was pretty cool. Get to be someone else for a while -- a wizard, a warrior, you know, whole world is magic, and you're fighting troglodytes and romancing exotic demon princesses. You know, it's a rush.
Cordelia: Did someone find out you were a big nerd?
David: No, that's actually public record.
David: Some of us got really into it. Especially the demon romance part. And we heard about this place where the real... The guys were joking about getting some tail.
Wesley: You went to Madame Dorian's.
David: Just once.
Wesley: It's a demon brothel.
David: Or twice.
Wesley: In Bel Air, I believe. The Watcher's Council is rife with stories about it.
Angel: How many --
David: Twelve times.
Angel: -- people knew about you doing it?
Nina: Look, ma. No hands!
Angel: Ow! You know, for some reason, I'm getting the impression you don't like me too much. Maybe I'm just overreacting.
Cordelia: You look...
Angel: Like I've been beaten and stabbed?
Cordelia: Want to see the check again?
Wesley: I can certainly understand their stake first and ask questions later state of mind. That's how they survive.
Cordelia: And the idea of a vampire in a white hat probably seems a little gimme a break-y.
Angel: Ah. Ah. Can I just see that check again?
Gunn: I don't need advice from some middle class white dude that's dead!
Cordelia: Trying to open that? They locked you in, huh?
Angel: No. I just love old meat lockers.
Wesley: You should have tried to call us on your cell phone. ... You probably forgot you had it.
Angel: These things hardly ever work. Besides it was a lot easier and quicker to just... Look, I'm the boss here. I say when we use the cell phones, and people are gonna die, and I have to go.
Cordelia: You're welcome.
Wesley: I asked for a coffee. I know it must be in here someplace.
Angel: I'll be around.
Gunn: I don't need no help.
Angel: I might.
BLIND DATE
Wesley: Perhaps Angel's discovered a new species?
Cordelia: What? Helen Kellerus Homicidilus?
Wesley: Angel said it was as if she anticipated his actions before he carried them out.
Cordelia: A handy skill -- in a fight or on a date.
Wesley: The human eye is only capable of registering a small portion of the electromagnetic spectrum. But if Brewer were somehow equipped to see outside that range...
Cordelia: She'd be Superman.
Angel: How am I supposed to fight evil if they won't even put it behind bars?
Angel: She murdered a man right in front of me, and I can't even testify to that fact in a court of law.
Cordelia: Well, maybe in night court you could...
Angel: How am I expected to do battle if I can't even get into the ring?
Angel: It's their system, and it's one that works. It works because there's no guilt, there's no torment, no consequences. It's pure. I remember what that was like. Sometimes I miss that clarity.
Cordelia: But...not the trying to kill your friends and family part, right?
Lindsey: I don't want to be here any more than you want to see me. I don't have a choice.
Angel: You always have a choice. You sold your soul for a fifth floor office and a company car.
Lindsey: What was your father? A merchant, right? Linen and silk? Did pretty well. Had a couple of servants -- 'til you killed them.
Angel: Just the one.
Lindsey: I guess it's fair to say you've never seen anything like real poverty. I'm talking dirt poor. No shoes, no toilet. Six of us kids in one room. And come flu season it was down to four. I was seven when they took the house. They just came right in and took it. And my daddy's bein' nice, you know? Joking with the bastards while he signs the deed. See we had a choice -- you got stepped on or you got to steppin'. And I swore to myself I wasn't goin' to be the guy standing there with a stupid grin on my face while my life got dribbled out...
Angel: Ooof. I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil?
Lindsey: I get myself killed, that'll convince you I've changed?
Angel: It's a start.
Cordelia: Why are you going in at all? I thought Born Again Boy was gonna do it?
Cordelia: Well then, it seems pretty simple -- except for the you'll-definitely-get-caught factor.
Gunn: Woo hoo!! My God! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe 'em. But damn, here it is! Evil white folks really do have a Mecca.
Gunn: Oww! Did you just step on my foot? Was that my foot you just stepped on? Are you assaulting me, up in this haven of justice!? Somebody get me a lawyer!
Cordelia: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. Willow says "Hey."
Cordelia: Are you telling me self-mutilating, psycho assassin chick reached enlightenment?
Lindsey: Sorry I'm late. Hope I didn't worry anyone.
Cordelia: We just figured you were dead.
Wesley: There is a design, Angel -- hidden in the chaos as it may be. But it's there. And you have your place in it.
TO SHANSHUI IN LA
Cordelia: Hurry up and figure out what it says about Angel, cause I want to know what it says about me -- if there's torrid romance in my future, massive wealth. If I have to, I'll settle for enviable fame.
Wesley: It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic 8-Ball.
Cordelia: Nobody gets my humor.
Angel: I thought it was funny.
Wesley: After all you did for him, he sells his soul for thirty pieces of silver.
Cordelia: Actually, he sold it for a six figure salary and a full benefits package.
David: What did I do today? Spun off my digital pager network, made a few more million... All right, several. Big whoop. What does that mean?
Cordelia: No more shopping at a Penny Saver?
Wesley: I think I know what it means.
Cordelia: A very wealthy man with just no life at all?
Wesley: No, the word in the scroll.
Cordelia: That shoeshine thing?
Cordelia: Angel's going to die?
Angel: Oh. Anything else?
Cordelia: He certainly took that well. Is this that opportune time to talk about my raise?
Cordelia: Pain! Killer!
Wesley: Painful killer demon...
Cordelia: Painkiller!
Cordelia: I ever meet those Powers That Be, I am going to punch them in the nose. Do you think they have a nose?
Wesley: Every source says it's death.
Cordelia: Well, it's a prophecy. It's not like it came from on high.
Wesley: That's what a prophecy is, Cordelia.
Cordelia: Angel faces death all the time. Just like a normal guy who faces waffles and french fries. It's something he faces every day, like... lunch! Are you hungry?
Wesley: That fact that his death is prophesied, which isn't good news, doesn't concern me nearly as much as the way he took that news.
Cordelia: What? He didn't scream like a girl as some of us would have? Angel's cool.
Wesley: What connects us to life?
Cordelia: Right now? I'm going with donuts.
Cordelia: What are you saying, Wesley? That Angel has nothing to look forward to? That he's going to go on forever, the same? In the world, but always cut off from it?
Wesley: Yes.
Cordelia: That sucks!
Cordelia: He's not crazy or anything. He's just different.
Street Vendor: Depressed?
Cordelia: Well, he wears a lot of black.
Angel: I'm sick and tired of you blaming me for everything you can't handle. You want to be enemies? Try me.
Female Oracle: I can't stay long. I've been dead a while. So far, I don't like it.
Gunn: You've done God's work here. If God was a bus boy, he'd look just like you, Jesus.
Gunn: You get enough iron? You look a little pale.
(Angel looks at him.)
Gunn: Okay, it's traditional in the human world to humor people who've done favors for you in the past.
Cordelia: Don't be embarrassed. We're family.
Wesley: I... I'm not used to...
Angel: He's not used to the new you.
Cordelia: I know what's out there now. We have a lot of evil to fight, a lot of people to help. I just hope Skin-n-Bones here can figure out what those lawyers raised sometime before that prophecy kicks in and you croak. ... That was the old me wasn't it?
Angel: I like them both.
Wesley: Uh... oops. I may have made a tiny mistake. The, uh, word -- shanshu -- that I said meant you were going to die? Actually, I think it means you're going to live.
Cordelia: Okay, as tiny mistakes go, that's not one.
Wesley: It's saying that you get to live until you die. It's saying... It's saying you become human.
Wesley: The vampire with a soul, once he fulfills his destiny will shanshu -- become human. It's his reward.
Cordelia: Wow. Angel human.
Angel: That'd be nice.
Cordelia: What was that thing about him having to fulfill his destiny first?
Wesley: Well, it's, uh, it won't happen tomorrow or the next day. He has to survive the coming darkness, the apocalyptic battles, a few plagues, and some...oh, several--not that many--fiends that will be unleashed upon the world.
Angel: So don't break out the champagne just yet.
