Cats
Created | Updated Apr 19, 2002
Cuter than a person of the opposite sex, but certainly not sexier, these adorable little bundles of fur, flesh and other dangly bits, too numerous to mention are one of our favourite pets.
Stroke them and they will purr, pet them and they will close their big beady eyes in simple animal pleasure, love them and they will bite you - I have learnt the hard way so that you don't have to.
It is important to remember that cats are no substitute for real love - after all, they're really only in it for the food and once you've run out, theyl will proceed to eat you. Cats provide no conversation, you cannot show off a cat to your mates in the way you can with a nice-looking girl and you cannot make love to a cat - no, you can't.
One of the best things about cats is that they are so stupid. The most fun you'll ever have with a cat is telling it about some complex human issues and watch as it's eyes light up in sheer idiot ignorant glee. Also, try making a crude model of a mouse and dangling it infont of a cat. It will actually think it is real! If it doesn't, you're cat is too intelligent for it's own good and should be sold as soon as possible.
Cats urinate everywhere. Some people enjoy this smell, but most don't. Try marking your territory in the same way and, if a cat trespasses on your territory, attack it.
Infact, never get a cat, because it will only scratch you and possibly bite you. Unless you like mangled bits of rabbit appearing at your doorstep everyday, just don't bother.
Just buy a fish.
Stroke them and they will purr, pet them and they will close their big beady eyes in simple animal pleasure, love them and they will bite you - I have learnt the hard way so that you don't have to.
It is important to remember that cats are no substitute for real love - after all, they're really only in it for the food and once you've run out, theyl will proceed to eat you. Cats provide no conversation, you cannot show off a cat to your mates in the way you can with a nice-looking girl and you cannot make love to a cat - no, you can't.
One of the best things about cats is that they are so stupid. The most fun you'll ever have with a cat is telling it about some complex human issues and watch as it's eyes light up in sheer idiot ignorant glee. Also, try making a crude model of a mouse and dangling it infont of a cat. It will actually think it is real! If it doesn't, you're cat is too intelligent for it's own good and should be sold as soon as possible.
Cats urinate everywhere. Some people enjoy this smell, but most don't. Try marking your territory in the same way and, if a cat trespasses on your territory, attack it.
Infact, never get a cat, because it will only scratch you and possibly bite you. Unless you like mangled bits of rabbit appearing at your doorstep everyday, just don't bother.
Just buy a fish.
