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Car Accidents

What follows are REAL excuses from drivers when asked to sum up their accident in the fewest words possible:

A red car
1. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran him over.

2. I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

3. The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

4. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

5. I collided with a stationary truck which was coming the other way.
Learning to drive
6. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

7. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

8. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

9. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

10. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

Actual Letters To landlords

1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

2. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand on this?

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

7. Our toilet seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

8. The person next door has a large erection in his backyard which is unsightly and dangerous.

9. Will you please send someone to repair our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

10. Our kitchen floor is very damp; we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

11. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

12. Could you please send someone to fix the faucet in our bathtub. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us this way.

13. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

14. When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.

So Long And Thanks For Laughing

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