Once again we are beholden to the current executors of the Knolly estate for letting us publish this, the second package of the great man's journals and memoirs.

Hobbes pushed me to one side and I had to step smartly to avoid hitting the door itself.

'Elspeth, so good to see you and this... this must be Charlotte.'

Charlie (as I think we must hereafter refer to her) had her back to us as we entered seemingly in conversation with Bertie, but on hearing Hobbes' booming voice, she moved swiftly to a defensive position in front of Elspeth. Her claws had ripped through her lace gloves in the process and despite the fashionable boots of the day she was perfectly balanced and ready to strike. It was a familiar pose, akin to that I had seen struck by Boxers schooled in the various oriental martial arts.

Bertie - who had been holding her hand at the time - now found himself on the floor covered in splashes of spilt milk.

'Hello Halogen, Knolly' Elspeth waved from behind her feline protector. 'Just don't move for a minute. We had this problem earlier today in one or two of the shops. Charlie knows that I'm with child and is just making sure no unknown males can get close.'

Elspeth moved from behind the girl so that they were face to face and removed Charlie's hat that was now at a rather rakish angle. Elspeth then proceed to use some very interesting facial expressions and hand signs interspersed with pointing - pointing at me, Bertie and Hobbes in quick succession.

Charlie relaxed and her claws retracted into the remains of her gloves.

Hobbes clapped his hands and said 'Remarkable! Truly remarkable!' in a voice that was not as booming as that which had caused the incident.
Elspeth turned to face Hobbes and scowled. 'Charlie is a person, Halogen, not one of your laboratory experiments' she said, rather angrily.

Hobbes looked over his shoulder at me in a knowing way and proceeded to 'talk' with Charlie in a much more fluid way than that which Elspeth had just demonstrated. His capacity for knowledge never failed to astound me.

I took Elspeth to one side and gave her a kiss and felt a pair of jealous green eyes boring into my back and following my every move.
'Well, my dear! You certainly have had a busy morning, haven’t you? The sign language though it's ...'

'Merrick showed me the basics and between us we adapted what I had picked up from the Kalahari Bushmen and we added it to Charlie's vocabulary. The writing down of symbols is far too cumbersome, don’t you think?'

'Well I’m stunned by the whole thing!' added Bertie, sponging off the milk with his handkerchief. 'Can you teach me?'

'As I was saying before we were interrupted Bertie, although Charlie has cat-like tendencies, the milk and the protective newspaper will not be required ... although I'm sure that they were appreciated.'
Bertie looked across at me. 'You see Knolly, I told you that the young lady would adapt accordingly.'

Elspeth raised an eyebrow at this in my direction. Clever Bertie had once again got in first. As my mouth dropped open I was rescued by the fact that Hobbes and Charlie were coming over to us, signing to each other as they went.

'Elspeth', said Hobbes, 'I can’t quite make out what she is on about. Something about a kitten .... but I’m not sure.'

My wife signed a question, and I wondered at that point whether or not young Charlotte could learn 'Blinkage'. Charlotte signed back with associated facial expressions, and mewling sounds.

Elspeth smiled. She took Charlie to a chair and set her down and then turned her attention to Bertie, Hobbes and me - all of us totally bemused by what seemed to be unfolding before our eyes.

'It would seem that young Charlotte is somewhat bored with our company and wants to go and play with the 'kitten' who let us in.'

'But that was Louis…. He's a boy not a ...' Bertie dried up as he slowly answered his own question.

'Remember Bertie that Merrick told us she has a child's mind in a young woman's body.'

'She has a name!' interjected Elspeth.

'What's more alarming is that she... er... Charlotte sees Louis as a kindred spirit. Were there no children about during your shopping trip Elspeth?'

'Certainly not!' she replied. 'We went only to the very best ladies stores, I can assure you Halogen. Shopping and young children should never be mentioned in the same sentence!'

I looked at Charlie who seemed to be taking in the flow of the conversation and smiled. She smiled back and then looked past me as the door opened and in came Louis. Charlie seemed to spring from the chair and land on top of poor Louis in one smooth movement. Louis yelled out in surprise as he suddenly found himself flat on the on the floor with a young woman pinning him to the ground. She yelled back at Louis with a similar noise, pushed herself off and stood there all smiles, hopping from one foot to another all expectant.

'Mr ‘obbes , what I do wrong?' asked the bemused young lad.

'Louis' I said helping the youngster back to his feet, 'I think Charlie just wants to play.'

Louis backed away from the young woman, clearly not sure what to do. Charlie for her part batted him on the arm and skipped away. Louis looked from me to Hobbes to Bertie and back again wide eyed.
'She’s a lady though... I can’t.'

He stooped as Elspeth's arm draped itself around his shoulder. 'You don't play with girls then?'

Louis was a quick learner and the menace that was hidden in Elspeth's silky tones made him come up with a politically correct answer.
'I ... um... don't normally Misses as they don't like rough games.'

I looked at Bertie who grinned at this comment. Elspeth saw him and his face went beetroot-red. She gave that tinkly laugh that she reserved for men of a certain generation. 'I think, young man, that you'll find Charlie here is rather different in that respect but...' and here she turned to her charge 'I think, young lady, that before you both go running off that we should get you changed out of that outfit. We don't want it ending up like your gloves'.

She signed once more to Charlie who was still hopping about.
'Louis, why don't you show the ladies to the guest bedroom and then you can show Charlie around' said Hobbes.

Louis shrugged, then took the parcels and bags that Elspeth held out to him. 'This way, please.'

'Good man!' piped up Bertie. 'I apologise for the mess in the room, though.'

As soon as the women were out of the room I rounded on Bertie.
'Pah! You soon changed your tune didn't you? First it's "Oh we can’t take here with us on this mission, she’s untrained, she has fur, she has claws"' (I punctuated these comments with a punch on Bertie's arm and every 'ow' he gave was very satisfying) 'and then to then to top it all, you blame the milk and the cat bed on me!'

Bertie rubbed his arm and pulled a face. 'Well... she looked so different in clothes. Nothing like the other day, and I thought... yes she could be useful.'

I could detect a wistful look in his eyes. 'Bertie, I think it's high time that we got you married off. You are becoming a danger to yourself. You cannot make eyes at every young woman who crosses your path. Hobbes, what do you think?'

Hobbes was looking out of the window. 'Hmm... what... eh... so what was she wearing the last time you saw her?'

'Why do you ask?'

'Er .... well .... Was it anything like that?' said Hobbes as he pointed to a pair of running figures .... one of which seemed to be wearing only her undergarments.

The door opened behind us and in came Elspeth looking rather hot and bothered.

'She was in rather a hurry to be away, wouldn't let me take the corset off her though, but I did loosen it a smidgen to give her more room to breathe. '

'Elspeth, is it wise to let Charlotte run around like that?'

'Knolly, would you prefer that she was au natural hmmm? What would Louis parents think of us? Oh - and Bertie - I found these. I think you should take a couple, don’t you?'

Bertie nodded slowly, took the proffered glass of water and 'gender benders' and went and sat down, mumbling things to the effect of '... only looking ... spoiling my fun .... not as if she's the Countess ...'

'Will Louis be all right? I mean talking to her?' enquired a shaky Hobbes.

Elspeth patted him on the arm. 'Charlotte won't hurt him. I told her to keep the claws in and I've given that nice young man some very simple commands that he can use with her. Now! While the children are out of the way let us talk about Scotland!'

'Quite so! Hobbes and I were discussing our plan and where Charlotte would fit in when you both arrived. I’m sure we are all agreed that she can play a vital part.'

I looked to Bertie who nodded and waved his empty glass. I continued.
'I must admit that I was worried about communicating with Charlotte but I think that fear is unfounded as you my dear can teach both Bertie and myself that necessary hand signs that we may need.'
I looked to Elspeth for confirmation of this.

'Do you think I would leave that young girl alone with both of you?' she asked.

'Well... yes. Bertie will behave himself I’m sure' (he nodded in agreement) 'and Charlotte looks like she can take care of herself even without the fighting skills we have learned over the years.'

Elspeth nodded as if in agreement. Bertie gave me the thumbs-up and Halogen winked at me. Job done.

So imagine our surprise when Elspeth replied : 'Husband, think again...I’m coming too!'

The Great Knolly Archive

The Shepherd and
huzzah4knolly

23.08.07 Front Page

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