MEDICINAL VALUE OF VODKA

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ON A RECENT TRIP TO RUSSIA I GOT AN EAR INFECTION FROM SWIMMING AT WHAT RUSSIANS DESCRIBE AS A BEACH BUT WHICH WOULD BE BETTER DESCRIBED AS RAW SEWAGE TREATMENT POND. THE PREFFERED CURE FOR SUCH AN AILMENT WAS CALLED A VODKA COMPRESS.
STEP 1. BUY A BOTTLE OF CHEAP VODKA
STEP 2. SOAK A CLOTH IN A BOWL OF WARM VODKA
STEP 3. PLACE CLOTH OVER AFFECTED EAR AND HOLD IN PLACE WITH BANDAGE
STEP 4. DRINK REMAINING VODKA
THE AFFECTIVNESS OF THIS DEPENDS UPON HOW LONG THE DISCOMFORT OF YOUR HANGOVER OVERSHADOWS THE DISCOMFORT OF THE EAR INFECTION, AND THIS ULTIMATELY DEPENDS ON WHAT THE CHEAP VODKA WAS MADE FROM. SOME OF THE LESSER KNOWN BRANDS CONTAIN FLUID FROM THE SHOCK ABSORBERS OF FIGHTER PLANES. I STRONGLY RECCOMEND NOT SWIMMING IN RUSSIA.

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