h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have a problem - I have a strange obsession with the idea that there aren't enough oak trees in Britain.

My dear Bluebottle.

That is in deed a problem – or it can be, if we do not behave constructively about it. Let’s take a look at the problem first and then we can discuss the possible solutions afterwards.

The oak it self:
First of all – I can probably make you feel better by telling you that the Oak, or Quercus Robur as it is customary named by oak enthusiasts, is in fact not on the list of the eleven most endangered trees in the U.K.
Work to genetically improve oak has started under the auspices of the British Hardwoods Improvement Programme. A number of trees have now been selected from across Great Britain, Ireland, the Netherlands and France as the starting point for the programme.
In other words, even if there are not enough of them, there are still oaks to be found and things will probably continue this way.

Why the oak:
As I am sure you are well aware off, the oak plays a formidable role in both folk legend and lore as well as seen from a Freudian or psychoanalysis point of view.
Let’s take the myth first:
First the oak is a symbol of immortality or at least solidity and endurance, mostly due to its solid weed. It also has symbolic power and force, and is tied to the strength of faith as well as – by some – a potent sexual symbol.
The oak also has specific religious symbolism: By the ancient Greek and Roman culture, the oak was had potent religious importance; both Zeus (Greek) and Jupiter (Roman) were symbolised in this manner and both had legendary appearances and revelations in oak-groves. Medieval druids, mainly of Celtic origin, who also found the valued mistletoe to grow aplenty on oak-branches, maintained the religious or mystic significance of the oak. Both the Lithuanian god Perkunas and the Japanese oak-god Kashima-no-Kami have had oak-groves initiated in their honour.
Due to this massive symbolism, the oak has also been used as a more conventional symbol: Oak-leaves as a sign of honour, a token of power and position or a reward. Needles to say, the acorn also has showed significant importance, but here we will retain the oak tree itself in focus.
If viewed from a Christian viewpoint, the (oak-) tree also symbolise life, death and rebirth.
The more factual oak:
The oak is solid and thus a fine quality of wood for carpentry and house building. It is also the basis of several kinds of medicinal usage, primarily made from the bark of the tree.
The psychological significance:
The oak stands as a transitive between the earth (the root) and the sky (the crown) and thus symbolises a being between two worlds, just like the human being. This creature draws a bridge between UP and DOWN, thus suggests an urge to reach up and beyond.
As it also suggests the sturdiness of the solid wood-material, it can be seen as a desire to ‘root’ or to settle down. The goal is, in other words, to attain a higher level of steadiness into the life of the subject.

What to do first:
As I don’t know you very well and thus have very little idea about your background, I can only vaguely start to suggest what to do about your problem.
You are saying that you believe that there are not enough oaks in Britain, is that not so? Okay, let’s try to determine why you are of this opinion.
As we have already established, the oak is not endangered as such. Naturally this does not necessarily say that there are enough of the oak-trees, just that there is at present, by botanist standards, not a serious threat to oak-existence in Britain.
This leads us to a question: What would it take to secure ‘enough’ oaks in Britain?
And what would be ‘enough’ oaks?
You need to tell me the measure by which you determine that there are not enough oaks in Britain in order for me to establish if the problem is one of oaks or if it is more of a ‘sick-guy-on-the-Net-hooked-on-oaks’ syndrome.
I am afraid that even if I can point out some general reference and guide-lines, I need to know more about you and your specific problem before I can give you any better counsel than the few pieces of advice following.
Naturally, if this is enough to help you in your daily life, please just let me know this and I shall leave you be and try to forget about this interesting problem.

Present conclusions:
Based on the material at hand, I can assume that your problem is in fact one of the following:
First:
Maybe you are trying to state, that you really need to settle down, compare to the psychological value of the oak as a sturdy and rooted being. Maybe you need to get a more steady life, are you in some way in a turbulent period of your life these days? (Other than the Guide?)
Second:
Perhaps it is the opposite, the craving for autonomy, compare to the bridge between earth (the established and determined society) and heaven (the freedom beyond). Do you feel restrained in your daily life?
Third:
Maybe you just happen to love the fragrance of oak leaves, the tranquil shade of a huge oak and the calmness achievable in an oak-grove. Do you spend your time in a city and long for more trees, more green life in your daily life?
Fourth:
Maybe you are in fact just slightly rebellious and trying to irritate me by presenting this as a problem when in deed it isn’t; it is just the cravings of a man who happens to like oak and has adapted this liking into his Guide-handle. Even if this is the situation, there could still be an interesting piece of psychological interpretation to be done here.

A cure for a start:
If there are not enough oaks, a logical start could be to plant more oaks! Start saving money to buy small oak trees and wait for spring, then go outside and plant those little trees. Before you know it, the oaks will grow and some day you may have a wonderful oak-grove of your own. In there, you may worship Zeus, Jupiter or the ideals of the Celtic druids as you see fit, or you can just sit down and quietly relax and enjoy the tranquillity of the massive trees.
You can also go into a forest and find yourself a nice oak to look at.
You can also try to quench your desire for oak by visiting the Alice Holt Woodland Park, which features a significant amount of oak-trees, some of which may please your craving for more oak. If you do not have the opportunity to go to Hampshire, you can visit http://www.hants.gov.uk/leisure/greenpla/alicehol/index.html to see some of it in nice, virtual colours. It may not work as well, but at least it may dampen your craving. Let’s face it; it may be the only place you can look at green oaks this time of the year, unless you are focused on travelling.

I don’t think you are willing to travel; the problem is not oak per say, but the lack of oaks in Britain, right?
Please come back to the Counselling Forum soon and tell me more, I promise that I shall try to give you serious and helpful advice.

Best for now.

KimotoCat – Counsellor and more.

Firstly, see e-mail.
Secondly - being in Southampton at the moment, I am actually in Hampshire - so I don't suppose you know the best way to cycle there?
As for cities - I am in one now, and I grew up on the Isle of Wight, near Borthwood Copse, a place with lots of oak trees.

I have a problem, KimotoCat... I was wondering, if, just possibly, you could help, maybe, if it wouldn't be too much trouble? I mean, I wouldn't ask, but you did say that you didn't mind, so I thought, well, maybe I would, but on the other hand I don't want to interrupt you if you were doing something important, and of course whatever you were doing is quite likely to be more important than me... Um... anyway...

Now I've forgotten what the problem was. Sorry, I'll get back to you later...

Dear rosted Amoeba.

Please direct your attention to the new forum under this entry: Short attention span and lack of self-esteem.

I have moved your entry there and hope that we may make some progress in that. This string is for the counselling of Bluebottle, even if he has not pointed that out in the headline.

-KimotoCat

Dear Bluebottle: Just don't mind that Roasted Amoeba † - fellow. He can't hurt you.

I'll get back to your counselling soon, promise.

Actually I can hurt him... Bluebottle is one of my housemates...

But of course I wouldn't want to hurt him since he is my friend...

AMOEBA - GET OUT OF HERE!

You have your OWN counsel-string. Now STAY there!

Bluebottle - if Amoeba hurts you, be sure to tell me, then I'll take, he, care of him!
You needn't worry.

Well, not much, that is.

I think...

And when I think, perhaps you actually should worry some.

But not about the Rosated Amoeba.

So, about these Oak trees...

After the weekend, my friend. After the weekend!

Have a nice weekend.

Okay, after this I will stay in my own forum. But I just have to get a couple of things straight for the record...

1. I am not Rosted Amoeba.
2. I am not Rosated Amoeba.

3. I am ROASTED Amoeba.

Thanks.

Thanks, my friend.
Your turn to e-mail!

Okay, ROASTED maeoba.

Am I going to get cured, or shall I just watch you two argue?

Watching other people argue is also a great way to learn about yourself.

I'll get back to you soon, promise.

That's exactly what you always say.

If not before, then tomorrow at noon. Really!

Now I have to go, Føtex is calling. Again!

I have been looking into your case, and I must say that I still need a little more from you, before we can start on some real progress.
I asked you earlier:
What would it take to secure 'enough' oaks in Britain?
And what would be 'enough' oaks?
You need to tell me the measure by which you determine that there are not enough oaks in Britain in order for me to establish if the problem is one of oaks or if it is of a more (sinister?) psychological disposition.
Please try to answer this, then I’ll see about the connection between your problem, your exposure and those darned oaks.
BTW – I couldn’t help but notice your improvement, as you have stopped advertising your problem in your handle. I am sure, this is progress. (And I’m not just saying this because of the new added comment.)

-KimotoCat the PsychoCat

P.S. Do you think that working with oaks, say, by writing an oak-article, would do you good or bad? I would like your honest opinion about this.