The flora and fauna of the fridge-freezer.
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
I have just finished cleaning out my freezer (don't worry I had assistance). On my journeys there (and in my fridge) I met many amazing and exotic creatures. I will precede to take you though how to deal with each species.
mystery meat
This is one of the more famous species. It has often featured in Garfield cartoons. Frozen chicken from Sunday lunch is one of the most widespread sub-species. Although around January Turkey suffers from an increase in population above that of chicken lumps.
Habitat
A typical family group will prefer to live together in a piece of Tupperware. When this in unavailable a bowl covered in cling film will suffice. Young males do often live in tin foil or scummy cling film. They live submerged in they own sauce or stock. It is believed they also eat this but no concise proof has been brought forward.
Behaviour
Often they appear docile but can do significant damage to an unwary traveller. As they form close family groups do not come between them and their contemporaries. Also be careful not to defrost them as it aggravates an individual a lot.
Frozen Sauce, Gravy and Stocks
This also comes in the Sunday Lunch subspecies. They always seem a good idea at the time. The creation of a typical animal goes like this:
"That gravy was simply divine"
"Yes it was wasn’t it. It was just some stock and a bit of red wine"
"Shall we keep it?"
"Good idea. We can have some of it next week"
"I’ll freeze it."
It is then consigned to a mug covered in cling film and forgotten about. The poor frozenling is left to fend for its self.
Habitat
As I mentioned above, they live in old mugs covered in cling film. Rather bizarrely stock fairly frequently resides in the ice cube trays of some very sad individuals. They say it is a time saver but I think it is very mean, keeping them confined.
Behaviour
Rather unsurprisingly they are very docile. If fact we don’t know what their precise mindset is as they cannot move. They are frozen and have no bones, what a sad existence.
