Sprouts
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Sprouts are a much maligned vegetable.
Most people would say that sprouts are grown on sprout plants but this is just a theory spread around by mischeivous scientists. True devotees of sprouts maintain the belief that these wonderous green orbs are actually cabbages that have been left out in the rain too long, and shrunk. This explains why a good sprout has a flatus-induction-factor equal to that of a whole cabbage.
For a long time during the dark ages, peasants beleived that sprouts were actually the eggs of a breed of small green chicken, but this misconception died out circa 842 when it became apparent that nobody had ever seen such a chicken, and anyway chickens didn't have fingers and so couldn't tie their eggs onto cabbage plants.
Many people complain when they are ritually fed sprouts at Christmas. This is because these ceremonial sprouts are either raw, or cooked for so long that they take on the consistency of papier-mache. Sprouts should be steamed until they are just soft enough to cut through without resistance, and served with plenty of butter and freshly ground black pepper. Stand back and pass round the gas masks.
Mmmm. Yummy.
Most people would say that sprouts are grown on sprout plants but this is just a theory spread around by mischeivous scientists. True devotees of sprouts maintain the belief that these wonderous green orbs are actually cabbages that have been left out in the rain too long, and shrunk. This explains why a good sprout has a flatus-induction-factor equal to that of a whole cabbage.
For a long time during the dark ages, peasants beleived that sprouts were actually the eggs of a breed of small green chicken, but this misconception died out circa 842 when it became apparent that nobody had ever seen such a chicken, and anyway chickens didn't have fingers and so couldn't tie their eggs onto cabbage plants.
Many people complain when they are ritually fed sprouts at Christmas. This is because these ceremonial sprouts are either raw, or cooked for so long that they take on the consistency of papier-mache. Sprouts should be steamed until they are just soft enough to cut through without resistance, and served with plenty of butter and freshly ground black pepper. Stand back and pass round the gas masks.
Mmmm. Yummy.
