Pizza vs. Sex
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
'Pizza is like sex, even when it's bad, it's pretty damn good.'
- Author Unknown
The comparison of pizza, a flat, round bread loaded with various alleged edibles, topped with cheeze and baked in an oven, and sex, the method of reproduction, can however be taken further.
You can legally enjoy pizza at any age and with anyone you want. Generally, when you feel like pizza, you can have it within minutes (well, anyways, tens of minutes), and anytime you want. The single user option does not degrade the pleasure of the experience in anyway. Beer can enhance the overall experience, and liberal consumption of beer can even give you a very special aftertaste of the pizza, combined with your own stomach fluids.
Pizza related crimes are almost non-existent. Unless you take into count pizza-delivery men trimming the population by applying free will liberally to the local driving rules. And the occasionaly beating of a pizza delivery man. And the occasional 'I-won't-pay-for-this-cold-pizza' haggle.
If you have pizza with someone else, you can usually come to an agreement on the exact details of the pizza (types of meats, vegetables and products thereof). If this agreement can not be reached, the pizza can be split, each consenting partner then enjoying pizza the way he or she wants.
Two types of meat stand out as pizza options, the pepperoni and the ham. One is cut up sausage and other is slices of pig rear ends.
The Freudian implications are astounding. Sliced sausage clearly states a male's envy of his father's reproduction organs and the desire of each male to kill his father. Sliced pig rear ends are obviously products of the female desire to have an attractive posterior, and the desire to 'trim those lines'.
The differences between the buying of pizza and the buying of sex are miniscule. Pizza is usually delivered to your door, while the prospective sex-haver has to go into a strip joint and wave around wads of money.
When somebody loves you, they make you pizza and let you have sex with them for free. (A careful note: sex and pizza don't mean love. Love means sex and pizza. This may sound paradoxical, but really isn't.)
- Author Unknown
The comparison of pizza, a flat, round bread loaded with various alleged edibles, topped with cheeze and baked in an oven, and sex, the method of reproduction, can however be taken further.
You can legally enjoy pizza at any age and with anyone you want. Generally, when you feel like pizza, you can have it within minutes (well, anyways, tens of minutes), and anytime you want. The single user option does not degrade the pleasure of the experience in anyway. Beer can enhance the overall experience, and liberal consumption of beer can even give you a very special aftertaste of the pizza, combined with your own stomach fluids.
Pizza related crimes are almost non-existent. Unless you take into count pizza-delivery men trimming the population by applying free will liberally to the local driving rules. And the occasionaly beating of a pizza delivery man. And the occasional 'I-won't-pay-for-this-cold-pizza' haggle.
If you have pizza with someone else, you can usually come to an agreement on the exact details of the pizza (types of meats, vegetables and products thereof). If this agreement can not be reached, the pizza can be split, each consenting partner then enjoying pizza the way he or she wants.
Two types of meat stand out as pizza options, the pepperoni and the ham. One is cut up sausage and other is slices of pig rear ends.
The Freudian implications are astounding. Sliced sausage clearly states a male's envy of his father's reproduction organs and the desire of each male to kill his father. Sliced pig rear ends are obviously products of the female desire to have an attractive posterior, and the desire to 'trim those lines'.
The differences between the buying of pizza and the buying of sex are miniscule. Pizza is usually delivered to your door, while the prospective sex-haver has to go into a strip joint and wave around wads of money.
When somebody loves you, they make you pizza and let you have sex with them for free. (A careful note: sex and pizza don't mean love. Love means sex and pizza. This may sound paradoxical, but really isn't.)
