Andersen Consulting
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Andersen Consulting is one of the world's largest consulting firms whose mission statement is to "help its clients create their future." This mission statement was until recently1 "To help our clients change to be more successful." Certain circles felt this was actually fairly challenging to accomplish, so they decided to go with a more vague mission.
After spending several years at Andersen Consulting, I was able to see the operation from every vantage point. Essentially, for those not familiar with what "consulting" is all about, here is an example.
THE BEGINNING
A pizza business realizes that it really doesn't know how to make pizza, sell pizza, or do anything pizza-related that culminates in staggering profits. So they decide to call in Andersen Consulting to "help create their future." More often than not, a partner from the firm will come in and analyze the situation from a high level. Partners billing rates are anywhere from $500 to $1000 an hour. The partner2 will noodle over the situation for a few weeks, at which point they surmise that the business is having trouble making pizza, selling pizza, or doing anything pizza-related that culminates in staggering profits.
RELEASE THE HOUNDS
This results in a large team of consultants who are brought on board to further analyze and diagnose the problem. The team is made up of Managers (one rung below partner), Consultants (one rung below Manager), and Analysts (the rung that could not possibly be lower). The analysts are usually freshly scrubbed, straight out of college and have no idea what is really going on, but they are the ones who are primarily responsible for writing the documentation during this first phase of the project. This entire analysis stage is commonly carried out by people in the "Process" group. This "Process" group is basically comprised of people who are excellent at sitting at a traffic light for five minutes before turning to the passenger and saying, "This is one long light."
This "Process" team will analyze the problem for a number of months and produce massive amounts of documentation. The documentation will basically indicate that the business is having trouble making pizza, selling pizza, or doing anything pizza-related that culminates in staggering profits.
This document will also call for another team to come in and implement a new solution to solve the problem. If the problem requires a technology solution, as it often does, then comes the "Technology" group.
RELEASE MORE HOUNDS
The "Technology" group is made of generally smart people who are often given an incomprehensible set of requirements. One requirement, for example, might be that pizzas could be more efficiently made if there was a three-dimensional model of a pepperoni dancing around the dough machine. The technology group would need to get with the process group and talk about seemingly nonsensical progress made thus far. This usually requires many meetings over a spread of many weeks, during which time, of course, all parties are fully billable.
Once things get worked out, the technology group implements a workable solution. Then it is time for the often misunderstood "Change Management" group. "Change Management" is often seen as a pastoral movement seeking to guide the client into a dreamy sense of satisfaction with the new system that has been implemented. "Change Management" people are often rather touchy-feely, and they smile freely while explaining how one might use the new machine to blow through 400 lbs of sausage in one hour. This involves many presentations and extreme skill in Microsoft Powerpoint.
All the while, the "Process" group, still fully billable, is keeping track of progress and the impact made. They perform thorough analyses to compare both pizza throughput and pizza efficiency.
THE PROJECT ENDS
When all is said and done, the client has a new way of doing business thanks to Andersen Consulting. Sometimes this turns out to be a good thing, and sometimes the company goes down in flames. Either way, it is a "change for the future."
1The mission was changed in late 1999.2Or multiple partners depending on the size of the pizza coffers.
