How to become a car magnet!
Created | Updated Mar 5, 2004
Tired of runnig across roads and cars swerving or stopping? Never seem to be able to get knocked down when you try?
Never fear....!
Now there is this easy to follow program to help you become the car magnet you've always wanted to be!
STEP 1: Organise a night out with a friend (make sure to wear you favourite trousers)
STEP 2: Find a very busy amin road near your school
STEP 3: Get your friend to say the words "You cross first, then if anything is going to knock us over, it'll knock you over first!"
STEP 4: Run across said busy road
STEP 5: Get hit by a red car and fly 3 metres along the road (make sure your friend does not witness this)
STEP 6: Your friend will now tell you to get up and stop messing around; try to obey this instruction, dislodging your ankle bone in the process.
STEP 7: Have an argument with the ambulance men about how good Ricki Lake is
STEP 8: Be allergic to anaesthetic
STEP 9: Have your favourite trousers cut off
STEP 10: Make sure a trainee does your X-rays, therefore pulling your, obviously, broken leg around in ways it shouldn't be.
STEP 11: Have bits of your shin bone removed and metal used to replace it with
(NB: You should be awake when this happens for added scream factor)
STEP 12: Spend a couple of months on crutches and in a wheelchair
STEP 13: Get knocked down a further 11 times in the next 5 years!
Congratulations! You are now a car magnet!
Never fear....!
Now there is this easy to follow program to help you become the car magnet you've always wanted to be!
STEP 1: Organise a night out with a friend (make sure to wear you favourite trousers)
STEP 2: Find a very busy amin road near your school
STEP 3: Get your friend to say the words "You cross first, then if anything is going to knock us over, it'll knock you over first!"
STEP 4: Run across said busy road
STEP 5: Get hit by a red car and fly 3 metres along the road (make sure your friend does not witness this)
STEP 6: Your friend will now tell you to get up and stop messing around; try to obey this instruction, dislodging your ankle bone in the process.
STEP 7: Have an argument with the ambulance men about how good Ricki Lake is
STEP 8: Be allergic to anaesthetic
STEP 9: Have your favourite trousers cut off
STEP 10: Make sure a trainee does your X-rays, therefore pulling your, obviously, broken leg around in ways it shouldn't be.
STEP 11: Have bits of your shin bone removed and metal used to replace it with
(NB: You should be awake when this happens for added scream factor)
STEP 12: Spend a couple of months on crutches and in a wheelchair
STEP 13: Get knocked down a further 11 times in the next 5 years!
Congratulations! You are now a car magnet!
