Socks: A Handy Dandy Guide For All Your Sock Inquiries

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Socks: tragically they are one of life's great mysteries. Many believe that the true origin of socks was when one guy decided that socks would be cool to make. Lies, lies, boring lies. Socks come from a magical little world called Sockia. You can visit that magical little place (very scenic in the wintertime, I must say) by crawling through your dryer at anytime. But first you have to get inside, close the door and put it on. I assure you, its completely safe. Sue me if I'm wrong.

How To Acquire A Sock(or two or more)

Many people find it useful to acquire socks by the means of purchasing them in a store. They are right. However, purchasing socks should be a very serious thing and not to be taken likely. These socks are your friends, and are a vital part of your life. You wouldn't just pick anyone to be your friend, now would you?

How to Treat Your Socks

Why are the socks in the store in a plastic bag waiting to be bought anyway, you might ask. The answer is simple: why not? Sockia is not the most interesting of all places(except in the wintertime). So socks usually sell themselves for fun. You must think of your newly acquired socks as a privelege to have. They are selling themselves to you and showing appreciation is must. I usually offer my socks the occassional glass of vodka or wine. However there are things that every sock owner must do if they want to establish a worthwhile relationship with your sock.
1. Never take your socks off. Even when you shower. It makes them mad. They like to settle down and being ripped from their home everyday kind of upsets them.
2.Never separate a pair of socks. Never. Socks that come together are sole mates. If they are ever separated, you can count on a very angry bunch of socks.
3.Socks need love, just like you and me. Try giving them a card on that special day. Love is a wonderful thing.
4.If for any reason you fail at following these rules, rush a bottle of wine to your socks A.S.A.P.

Socks:Relationships at a Glance

Many people are interested to know the mating dance of the sock. I have had the honor of seeing it myself. However, the events that unfolded and the content shown in the dance is so graphic that it has no place here. Check some other database(a dirty one).
Sock relationships are very important to the well being of your sock. If your sock for any reason breaks up with its sockmate, there are conseleors available. Sometimes these things can not be helped and one sock will run off to their mother's place in Sockia. More information on that in the next excerpt.

When Socks Run Away

Sometimes socks and their owners just don't get along. Sometimes your sock thinks you are an incredibly boring person and wants to die rather than see your ugly face ever again. Sometimes socks just need some time apart from their mates. Whatever the reason, you will find that sometimes a sock does not come back from the dark depths of the dryer. This happens all the time, so don't panic! Usually one sock stays behind. I know this is a hard thing to grasp, and hopefully you can cope. Don't worry.

Just remember: Socks have feelings too. A mistreated sock is an angry sock.


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