What is Blue-tack?

Well, for those who have not encountered it, it is a tacky blue substance which is used widely across the globe to stick things to walls and doors. There are many different forms of "tack", including the generally shops-own brand, "White-tack" and the non-existent revolution of "pritt-tack" (TM) (from the makers of the often indispensable but quite incomprehensible "pritt stick" (TM)).

Uses of Blue-tack

Blue-tack is intended to be used to stick things to other things in a way that is non-permanent and clean. This is often what it is used for by schoolteachers, office workers and teenagers (those posters don't stay on the wall by themselves!), but is also used by the young, the bored and the frustrated to produce tiny figurines and suchlike. Blue-tack is not suitable for this because:

1. It is too easy to squash
2. It is not easy to sculpt properly.

What to do with Blue-tack

The best way to use blue-tack is to take it between your thumb and forefinger, and to roll it around into a ball, until the heat from your hands melts it slightly and it becomes soft and pliable. Do not roll it too much or it will become too sticky and soft. Squash the blue-tack into a disc shape and press it hard against the corner of the paper/poster/article that you want to stick to the wall/door/ceiling. When you have placed discs of blue-tack in all the corners, press the tacked item against the wall and apply pressure to the tacked corners. When this has been done remove your hand from the tacked item, and with a prayer to your chosen deity, it should stay there. Easy, isn't it?

What not to do with Blue-tack

It is very easy to abuse blue-tack, and its misuse has lead to many domestic disasters and tack-related stress (this is true). However, if you follow this easy list of points to be aware of, you need not be stricken by these afflictions.

1. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to eat blue-tack. I myself have tried it and speak from experience. It tastes awful. This may sound like a daft thing to do, but on some occasions (e.g. the person involved was drunk) blue-tack has been mistaken for chewing gum. It is not a good substitute and gets stuck in the teeth.
2. Do not use blue-tack to pick dust/bits of fluff/mud/toenail clippings off the floor. This leads to very dirty blue-tack which leaves black marks on everything it touches, and also makes it much harder to knead.
3. Do not assume that blue-tack will hold up posters/paper etc. for any fixed length of time. Blue-tack is very unreliable in this aspect, and seems to have a mind (and hidden agenda) of its own. Sometimes I wonder if it's not some freakish extraterrestrial come to conquer the world...