The unending, inane adventures of Thunderguts the Super Hero (part 1.)
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
This is the beginning of the Legend of Thunderguts. A sizzle of a story about the greatest Superhero alive. Thunderguts has appeared before in a forum entry about Superhero's, yet something more needed to be done with him. So I decided to dedicate myself to logging his adventures, wether they be small or not so small.
Thunderguts' real name is Lord Humphrey Dagenhurt, and his trusty butler is named R.R. Bumstead. Together they form the crimefighting duo Thunderguts and Bum-Boy.
The following Texts are from the forum posting "SuperHeroes":
***The Mighty Thunderguts***
(curtains are raised)
(Lord Humphrey's private secretary, R.R. BUMSTEAD walks on stage)
- R. R. BUMSTEAD:
It has been revealed by none other than Madame Squeaky Doors (A genius if I ever met one) that poor Lord Humphrey is a "veggiephile"...
But wait a minute, he isn't abusive and loves the little green things like they were his children. NO! wait a minute, this is all coming out wrong...I'm not saying he likes small boys, no, hang about...He likes small boys. He gives them candy and such and such. But NOT that KIND of "candy" Real candy, like lollipops and such. No Not that Kind of lollipops. and not exclusively small boys. Small girls get candy too. But not...Oh deary me...I seem to have made quite a mess of things.
(Suddenly a loud noise is heard and a wall behind Bumstead crumbles to bits as the Amazing THUNDERGUTS crashes into the scene armed with a large lettuce head and some carrots)
- R. R. BUMSTEAD (cont.)
Ah, Master Dagenhurt, you've arrived.
(Thunderguts punches Bumstead into oblivion)
- THUNDERGUTS:
ARRHHH, well you worthless toe rag, I've had enough of your codswallop. Behold the MIGHTY THUNDERGUTS! I am now wearing my special Veggie suit, and I've got more tricks in my pockets than Batman on a good day.
- (he makes some kind of a complicated signal with his hands)
I am here to right the right and wrong the wrong and a lot of bits in between, you know those annoying bits that get stuck between your teeth and make you look a right arse when you smile!
(A THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE is heard as Thunderguts bends a bit forward and gives a loud exhalation, The CROWD is going bonkers)
- THUNDERGUTS (cont.):
I am now off to some foreign country to depose one of those evil dictators, and I'll be back before you can say "flatulant git".
(Thunderguts jumps into the air, and falls embarassangly down in heap. An assortment of various vegetables falls out of his suit. He stands up and stares off stage)
- THUNDERGUTS (cont.)
- (whispers aggressively at someone off stage)
Pull the cables you dolt!! Pull the Cables!
(suddenly Thunderguts is flung into the air in an awkward position, and with a loud noise and shedding of carrots he is swung off stage. He swings momentarily on stage again, then off again.)
(Curtains fall, then bulge for a minute as thunderguts swings into them)
THE SECOND COMING
(curtains are raised)
(We see before us a desolate city landscape, burning cars and poorly built houses. We hear a loud CRASH off stage, suddenly THUNDERGUTS comes swinging into view, and then out of view as he soars off stage at the other end and we hear another loud CRASH. A lone figure with a mask, a towel cape and a silver plate runs from where Thunderguts came. This is BUM BOY. Thunderguts sidekick.)
BUM BOY
(to Thunderguts)
Sir, are you all right?
(Thunderguts comes staggering on stage, giving out a few fragmentary blasts from his behind with each step)
THUNDERGUTS
No worry my trusty sidekick, I'm as right as the pair of cuffs on the lucky tart I left in some hotel room or the other!
BUM BOY
(To audience)
Well, we are here to fight some things. I have absolutely no idea what or why, but alas, that is the life of the sidekick.
THUNDERGUTS
(to himself)
Was it the Hilton? No, that was the Lebanese Goat. The Holiday Inn? No wait, that's not it...PHWOOOAAAR!!
(He jumps a bit into the air as literally a fire BURSTS from his pants)
BUM BOY
(aghast)
Erm...Sir, you're supposed to say the next line.
THUNDERGUTS
(busy with putting out the fire in his trousers)
What was that Bumstead? Oh right! Here I am again, THE MIGHTY THUNDERGUTS. I've just arrived from a small island in the pacific where I foiled a criminally masterminded plan. By some criminal mastermind or the other who had something crimally masterminded planned!
BUM BOY
No you didn't, you were partying naked at The Parrisimo Inn with some Playboy bunnies!
THUNDERGUTS
That's where the lucky tart is!!!
(he punches Bum Boy senseless and the crowd CHEERS)
THUNDERGUTS (cont.)
I was in the pacific so, you insolent git! Well my trusty followers, here I am, and the Good City Bottomville will enjoy my protection!
(A THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE. Suddenly, a super villainish fellow jumps on stage. The Crowd Booos.)
THUNDERGUTS (cont.)
Dear Lord, RECTAL PROPE, my ARCH NEMESIS!!!
RECTAL PROPE
ARrrh, Thunderguts, you thought you got me at the Palooka, byt you were wrong, wrongedy worngedy wrong ha ha ha...
(he starts singing silly childish tunes to himself)
THUNDERGUTS
No I wasn't!
RECTAL PROBE
Yes you were!
THUNDRGUTS
NO I WASN'T.
(He takes out a trick carrot. The Crowd goes OOOHH!)
THUNDERGUTS (cont.)
Take that!
(Throws the carrot)
(suddenly Rectal Probe takes up a badminton racket and slams tha Carrot back at Thunderguts)
RECTAL PROBE
No, You take it!
(Suddenly Bum boy soars into action, jumps on the carrot and takes the full force of the blast)
THUNDERGUTS
NOOOOOO!!
(he kicks slightly into the prone body of BumBoy)
THUNDERGUTS (cont.)
Well, can't be helped. Rectal, up for some sherry at the Social Club?
RECTAL PROBE
Well, why not.
(Hand in hand they walk off stage singing "Somewhere" from "West side story". Roses are tossed in their wake and a thunderous clapping and shouting is heard from the audience)
(curtains fall)
Thunderguts' real name is Lord Humphrey Dagenhurt, and his trusty butler is named R.R. Bumstead. Together they form the crimefighting duo Thunderguts and Bum-Boy.
The following Texts are from the forum posting "SuperHeroes":
***The Mighty Thunderguts***
(curtains are raised)
(Lord Humphrey's private secretary, R.R. BUMSTEAD walks on stage)
- R. R. BUMSTEAD:
It has been revealed by none other than Madame Squeaky Doors (A genius if I ever met one) that poor Lord Humphrey is a "veggiephile"...
But wait a minute, he isn't abusive and loves the little green things like they were his children. NO! wait a minute, this is all coming out wrong...I'm not saying he likes small boys, no, hang about...He likes small boys. He gives them candy and such and such. But NOT that KIND of "candy" Real candy, like lollipops and such. No Not that Kind of lollipops. and not exclusively small boys. Small girls get candy too. But not...Oh deary me...I seem to have made quite a mess of things.
(Suddenly a loud noise is heard and a wall behind Bumstead crumbles to bits as the Amazing THUNDERGUTS crashes into the scene armed with a large lettuce head and some carrots)
- R. R. BUMSTEAD (cont.)
Ah, Master Dagenhurt, you've arrived.
(Thunderguts punches Bumstead into oblivion)
- THUNDERGUTS:
ARRHHH, well you worthless toe rag, I've had enough of your codswallop. Behold the MIGHTY THUNDERGUTS! I am now wearing my special Veggie suit, and I've got more tricks in my pockets than Batman on a good day.
- (he makes some kind of a complicated signal with his hands)
I am here to right the right and wrong the wrong and a lot of bits in between, you know those annoying bits that get stuck between your teeth and make you look a right arse when you smile!
(A THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE is heard as Thunderguts bends a bit forward and gives a loud exhalation, The CROWD is going bonkers)
- THUNDERGUTS (cont.):
I am now off to some foreign country to depose one of those evil dictators, and I'll be back before you can say "flatulant git".
(Thunderguts jumps into the air, and falls embarassangly down in heap. An assortment of various vegetables falls out of his suit. He stands up and stares off stage)
- THUNDERGUTS (cont.)
- (whispers aggressively at someone off stage)
Pull the cables you dolt!! Pull the Cables!
(suddenly Thunderguts is flung into the air in an awkward position, and with a loud noise and shedding of carrots he is swung off stage. He swings momentarily on stage again, then off again.)
(Curtains fall, then bulge for a minute as thunderguts swings into them)
THE SECOND COMING
(curtains are raised)
(We see before us a desolate city landscape, burning cars and poorly built houses. We hear a loud CRASH off stage, suddenly THUNDERGUTS comes swinging into view, and then out of view as he soars off stage at the other end and we hear another loud CRASH. A lone figure with a mask, a towel cape and a silver plate runs from where Thunderguts came. This is BUM BOY. Thunderguts sidekick.)
BUM BOY
(to Thunderguts)
Sir, are you all right?
(Thunderguts comes staggering on stage, giving out a few fragmentary blasts from his behind with each step)
THUNDERGUTS
No worry my trusty sidekick, I'm as right as the pair of cuffs on the lucky tart I left in some hotel room or the other!
BUM BOY
(To audience)
Well, we are here to fight some things. I have absolutely no idea what or why, but alas, that is the life of the sidekick.
THUNDERGUTS
(to himself)
Was it the Hilton? No, that was the Lebanese Goat. The Holiday Inn? No wait, that's not it...PHWOOOAAAR!!
(He jumps a bit into the air as literally a fire BURSTS from his pants)
BUM BOY
(aghast)
Erm...Sir, you're supposed to say the next line.
THUNDERGUTS
(busy with putting out the fire in his trousers)
What was that Bumstead? Oh right! Here I am again, THE MIGHTY THUNDERGUTS. I've just arrived from a small island in the pacific where I foiled a criminally masterminded plan. By some criminal mastermind or the other who had something crimally masterminded planned!
BUM BOY
No you didn't, you were partying naked at The Parrisimo Inn with some Playboy bunnies!
THUNDERGUTS
That's where the lucky tart is!!!
(he punches Bum Boy senseless and the crowd CHEERS)
THUNDERGUTS (cont.)
I was in the pacific so, you insolent git! Well my trusty followers, here I am, and the Good City Bottomville will enjoy my protection!
(A THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE. Suddenly, a super villainish fellow jumps on stage. The Crowd Booos.)
THUNDERGUTS (cont.)
Dear Lord, RECTAL PROPE, my ARCH NEMESIS!!!
RECTAL PROPE
ARrrh, Thunderguts, you thought you got me at the Palooka, byt you were wrong, wrongedy worngedy wrong ha ha ha...
(he starts singing silly childish tunes to himself)
THUNDERGUTS
No I wasn't!
RECTAL PROBE
Yes you were!
THUNDRGUTS
NO I WASN'T.
(He takes out a trick carrot. The Crowd goes OOOHH!)
THUNDERGUTS (cont.)
Take that!
(Throws the carrot)
(suddenly Rectal Probe takes up a badminton racket and slams tha Carrot back at Thunderguts)
RECTAL PROBE
No, You take it!
(Suddenly Bum boy soars into action, jumps on the carrot and takes the full force of the blast)
THUNDERGUTS
NOOOOOO!!
(he kicks slightly into the prone body of BumBoy)
THUNDERGUTS (cont.)
Well, can't be helped. Rectal, up for some sherry at the Social Club?
RECTAL PROBE
Well, why not.
(Hand in hand they walk off stage singing "Somewhere" from "West side story". Roses are tossed in their wake and a thunderous clapping and shouting is heard from the audience)
(curtains fall)
