A series of dreams
Created | Updated Jan 25, 2005
Oh my it has been a year. Too many months without a computer.
Too hard for me to get rthu to risk losing again.
I will try to get it finished while things are running pretty well.
This will make no sense at this stage<silly>don't bother reading yet!
I have lost it twice already<wah>
Attempting to describe at least one ongoing series of dreams that were interwoven through a most intense couple of years. It will take a while because it was more than a decade back. Some of the scenes are still coming true. Brief glimses of a reality span much longer than teh deam span.
************
RL
I was trying to come to grips with my whole word changing. I was in danger of losing my job, and chronic loss of my health. I was in danger of losing my sweetie and I was surrounded by people in worse shape, those oblivious or those waiting like vultures to pick the remains, those afraid it might be contagious.
Dreams
I dreamed of glass houses then homes that could elevate to greater heights in order to deny my position on this earth or that my feet must continue to touch the ground. Some of the drawers in my home held things forgotten or denied. Some told of things I had just not noticed. I was losing everything that identified me to myself.
As these dreams of homes continued I began to have the cave dreams woven in and out. Also the spiral dreams I'd had since a child.
Always spirals when severely stressed.
Sometimes I went up sometimes down sometimes just round and round until I would puke in my bed. They ended one day as I was looking down into the flushing toilet of my first safe home of my own.
It flushed away all the past fears of disorientation and loss control and bad balance, never to live or dream them again.
End
*********
#1
First dream (cave dream)
First warm and comfy with a fire.
Shelter from the fear.
Then cold and dark and scary with icky creatures
Then success and beauty.
***********8
I was wandering not wanting to do anything not wanting to do nothing.
I come across a cave and go in.
It seems kind of nice in a way.
Nothing creepy, no eyes staring from the dark , no bats flying. I decide to sit a while with the view perfectly framed by the opening of the cave. That 5pm light after a heavy rain that stops like a faucet being turned off and a soft light yellowing everything. I had not felt safe enough or a had enough time to myself to grieve and rcy in a safe place with no interuptions. This was it sitting in the dark womb looking out towards the light. Thinking of rebirth by going towards the light after I had purged.
**********
Dream - a single one in between the series
I had lost my job as I had feared. Not getting better.
My family was more scared than me and went into hiding which was better than the hysterical pannick about how I was to make it.
I dreamed about being kidnapped and taken to a room with a window. I watched the things happen that I wanted to deny.
I was forced to watch and I believed it was real however unreal if felt. Who was this person and why should they have me watch all that I was not aware of happening? Was it an act of kindess or revenge? Was it the past or future?
***************
Dream #2 in cave series
The second visit to the cave.
Keywords- The death grip-fear- strange clingy creatures- illusions-mistrust-need to go inward
In this dream I was pulled and coaxed into the cave for exploration.
Part way through there was a problem and the entrance was blocked so we had to continue further until we reached an old exit no longer in use. Angry that I was scared and partner was laughing and telling lies to get me to go forward but if he told the truth I would run back. Running back would be a death trap.
There were bodies of water to walk through.
Murky and slimy filled with leeches and snakes and catfish who snarled and laughed. They knew I was covered in leeches but had not noticed yet. I hate leeches.
I had a death grip on my partner and was angry.
*************
Final
The cave experience was completely different this time.
Same path ,same obstaces but different feelings and creatures and ending.
Dream
The leeches had turned to star fish which regenerate rather than suck the life out of you. This directly correlated to the adjustments I had made in the people I chose to spend time around. I ditched the leeches and starting growing again surrounded by starfish and seahorses. The males give birth and my male counterpart was giving birth to a new attitude. He was bringing new life to our relationship.
RL _
I had come to terms with wanting to be with my sweetie and decided that nothing else really mattered as much. No matter how he was to react I knew my own mind. I was fearles. It really did not matter because what happened would be for the best and at least I would know I tried. I knew myself, my desires and even being refused was better than not knowing.
RL- I propsed to him.
#3 The 3rd in the series.
Key words -
natural experience/Enlightning -calm -no death grip/ reassurance
Importance of symbols in creatures
light-temperature- grip
Too hard for me to get rthu to risk losing again.
I will try to get it finished while things are running pretty well.
This will make no sense at this stage<silly>don't bother reading yet!
I have lost it twice already<wah>
Attempting to describe at least one ongoing series of dreams that were interwoven through a most intense couple of years. It will take a while because it was more than a decade back. Some of the scenes are still coming true. Brief glimses of a reality span much longer than teh deam span.
************
RL
I was trying to come to grips with my whole word changing. I was in danger of losing my job, and chronic loss of my health. I was in danger of losing my sweetie and I was surrounded by people in worse shape, those oblivious or those waiting like vultures to pick the remains, those afraid it might be contagious.
Dreams
I dreamed of glass houses then homes that could elevate to greater heights in order to deny my position on this earth or that my feet must continue to touch the ground. Some of the drawers in my home held things forgotten or denied. Some told of things I had just not noticed. I was losing everything that identified me to myself.
As these dreams of homes continued I began to have the cave dreams woven in and out. Also the spiral dreams I'd had since a child.
Always spirals when severely stressed.
Sometimes I went up sometimes down sometimes just round and round until I would puke in my bed. They ended one day as I was looking down into the flushing toilet of my first safe home of my own.
It flushed away all the past fears of disorientation and loss control and bad balance, never to live or dream them again.
End
*********
#1
First dream (cave dream)
First warm and comfy with a fire.
Shelter from the fear.
Then cold and dark and scary with icky creatures
Then success and beauty.
***********8
I was wandering not wanting to do anything not wanting to do nothing.
I come across a cave and go in.
It seems kind of nice in a way.
Nothing creepy, no eyes staring from the dark , no bats flying. I decide to sit a while with the view perfectly framed by the opening of the cave. That 5pm light after a heavy rain that stops like a faucet being turned off and a soft light yellowing everything. I had not felt safe enough or a had enough time to myself to grieve and rcy in a safe place with no interuptions. This was it sitting in the dark womb looking out towards the light. Thinking of rebirth by going towards the light after I had purged.
**********
Dream - a single one in between the series
I had lost my job as I had feared. Not getting better.
My family was more scared than me and went into hiding which was better than the hysterical pannick about how I was to make it.
I dreamed about being kidnapped and taken to a room with a window. I watched the things happen that I wanted to deny.
I was forced to watch and I believed it was real however unreal if felt. Who was this person and why should they have me watch all that I was not aware of happening? Was it an act of kindess or revenge? Was it the past or future?
***************
Dream #2 in cave series
The second visit to the cave.
Keywords- The death grip-fear- strange clingy creatures- illusions-mistrust-need to go inward
In this dream I was pulled and coaxed into the cave for exploration.
Part way through there was a problem and the entrance was blocked so we had to continue further until we reached an old exit no longer in use. Angry that I was scared and partner was laughing and telling lies to get me to go forward but if he told the truth I would run back. Running back would be a death trap.
There were bodies of water to walk through.
Murky and slimy filled with leeches and snakes and catfish who snarled and laughed. They knew I was covered in leeches but had not noticed yet. I hate leeches.
I had a death grip on my partner and was angry.
*************
Final
The cave experience was completely different this time.
Same path ,same obstaces but different feelings and creatures and ending.
Dream
The leeches had turned to star fish which regenerate rather than suck the life out of you. This directly correlated to the adjustments I had made in the people I chose to spend time around. I ditched the leeches and starting growing again surrounded by starfish and seahorses. The males give birth and my male counterpart was giving birth to a new attitude. He was bringing new life to our relationship.
RL _
I had come to terms with wanting to be with my sweetie and decided that nothing else really mattered as much. No matter how he was to react I knew my own mind. I was fearles. It really did not matter because what happened would be for the best and at least I would know I tried. I knew myself, my desires and even being refused was better than not knowing.
RL- I propsed to him.
#3 The 3rd in the series.
Key words -
natural experience/Enlightning -calm -no death grip/ reassurance
Importance of symbols in creatures
light-temperature- grip
