The Moronomater
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Thi piece of equipment will become more and more important on the run up to christmas. Basically the first generation device is an abattoir gun. People who insist on wandering at a snails pace around the street and shops, and shopping centers, or just stop suddenly for no apparent reason have the device used on them. Place the end of the gun on the crown of their head and pull the trigger. The device goes off, a bolt shoots out and cracks the moron on the noggin, they collapse like a felled steer. The way ahead is clear for the next five yards.
The next generation device will work on a subsonic principle, so a protective helmet will be needed to avoid side effects. The subsonic sound will shock the brain without any external trauma showing. The effect will be everyone in a fifty yard radius will be felled, this will clear the way for the next minute. Once the bleeding from the ears has stopped the subject will be fine.
Further into the future, the device will become selective, knocking down only those people who dawdle, or idiots on the street. The distance covered will eventually be line of site and the stunning effect will last only long enough for you to be safely out of range of their slovenly crawl along the street.
