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Why lettuce? Cos. Small green things slightly reminiscent of bowling balls. Only not as heavy. Or smooth. Or black. Also lacking in the finger holes department. Still, you can kill someone by whacking them over the head with a lettuce. Other than that, there is little practical use for the average hiker. Get a brussel sprout. They're smaller and they don't cost as much.

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Infinite Improbability Drive

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