h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Has anyone heard "The Twelve Days After Christmas?" It was an old favorite of my high school choir. Hilarious.

I found this at http://www.laughnet.net/archive/holiday/12after.htm
Hope this is what you were looking for. If not there is another slightly different version there as well.
Tschus!
LIB-

The Twelve Days After Christmas
by Jeannie West (12/22/92)

On the first day after Christmas, my true love and I had a fight
So I chopped the pear tree down
And shot the partridge just for spite.

On the second day after Christmas,
I put on a pair of old gloves,
And gently wrung the necks
Of both those stupid turtle doves.

On the third day after Christmas, my dear old mother got the croup
So I took those 3 French hens,
And made her some chicken soup.

The 4 calling birds were a mistake,
Their language was terribly obscene;
Of course the 5 golden rings were fake:
They turned my fingers green.

On the sixth day after Christmas, extremely cold weather came around
So I killed those 6 noisy geese
and made a jacket filled with down.

On the seventh day after Christmas, I shot those 7 swans a swimming
I had to do it don't you see
they was chasing all the women.

On the eighth day after Christmas, I had milk up to my eyes
and if that wasn't bad enough
I had cow s*** up to my thighs.

On the ninth day after Christmas, I took a hammer to those pipes
you'd have thought I killed the Pope
if you heard those pipers gripe.

On the tenth day after Christmas, I'd learned every dance there is to know
so without a single guilty thought
I threw those dancing ladies out in the snow.

But there is one thing I will admit
about those 11 Lords a leaping
and 12 drummers drumming
I'm not crazy, those I'm keeping!