Donner kebabs are an interesting contribution to the collective consumables known as food. They are mainly eaten by folk intoxicated by several pints of larger, at about 11:35pm.

A donner kebab is about the shape and size of an elephant's foot. It is a hunk of un-cooked processed animal parts. It rotates very slowly on a steel spike, next to a heat source. The heat source is supposed to \cook/ the hunk of processed animal parts which are then shaved off in strips by the shop owner*, who places them in pitta bread ready to be served to hungrey drunken larger louts.

The processed animal parts consist of powdered bone, brain, hair, fat, and any other waste from the animal** when it is carved.

Now, as this great cocktail of ingredients rotates on it's steel spike in the form of an elephant's foot, the outside of the 'foot' is warmed by an electric or gas fire. As the heated side turns away from the heat, it cools down. The centre of the foot never actually gets hot enough to cook, it just stays a bit warm.....

This elephant's foot of 'meat' will stay being heated and cooled for several hours, until there are no more larger louts to feed or until so much has been shaved off there is nothing left. If there is some left, it is the part in the middle which has just stayed a little bit warm. This is then saved until the next day when it is cooked again.

AVOID DONNER KEBABS AT ALL COSTS UNLESS YOU ARE A SALMONELLA BACTERIA.

*The shop owner often does not pronounce the last letter of words. For example: yo wan ketchu wi tha? = you want ketchup with that?

**it is not yet known what animal donner kebabs originate from.