Laws of anime!
Created | Updated Nov 25, 2003
Law of metaphysical irregularity. The laws of physics do not apply.
Law of differentiated gravitation. Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of four.
Laws of sonic amplification, first law of anime acoustics. In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
Law of constant thrust, first law of anime motion. In space, conatant thrust equals constant velocity.
Law of mechanical mobility, second law of motion. The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored mecha robots are fastest objects known to human science.
Law of temporal variability. Time is not a constant. Time stops for a hero whenever he does something cool or impressive.Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds whenever there is a fight.
First law of temporal mortality. Good guys and bad guys both don't die in one of two ways- either so quick they don't even see it coming, or it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
Second law of temporal mortality. It takes some time for bad guys to die…regardless of physical damage. Even when the "bad guys" are killed so quickly they didn't see it coming, it takes them awhile to realize that they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the reality lobe of the brain.
Law of dramatic emphasis. Scenes involving extreme amount of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color(usually red or white).
Law of dramatic multiplicity. Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a good guy kicks the bad guy in the face, are seen at least three times from three different angles.
Law of energetic emission. There is always an energy build-up(commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before mecha(giant robots) or spacecraft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed this is related to the Law of Combustibility.
Law of inexhaustibility. No one ever runs out of ammunition. That is, of course, unless they are cornered, outnumbered, outclassed, unconscious, or it serves as a plot point.
Law of inverse accuracy. The accuracy of a good guy when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the bad guys when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases.(Also known as the Storm trooper effect.)
Law of hemoglobin capacity. The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
Law of demonic consistency. Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tends to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.
Law of militaristic unreliability. Huge, galaxywide armadas, entire armies and large war machines full of cruel , heartless, blood-thirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
Law of juvenile intellectuality. Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
Law of Americanthropomorphism. Americans in anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty, skinny bad guy or a big stupid good guy.
Law of mandibular proportionality. The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
Law of conservation of firepower. Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
Law of melee luminescence. Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for good guys and red for bad guys. This is attributed to good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than evil.
Law of nonanthropomorphic antagonism. All ugly, nonhumanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
Law of follicular permanence. Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse or explosive effects, and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons…with bladed weapons.
Law of topological aerodynamics. Any shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
Law of probable attire. Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines. Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the aforementioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason.
Law of quintupular agglutination. Also called the Five-man Rule, when good guys group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are: the hero/leader, his girlfriend, his best friend/rival, a hulking brute, a dwarf/kid.
Law of extradimensional capacitance. All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice. The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it.
Law of inverse attraction. Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.
Law of nasal sanguination. When sexually aroused, males in anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though…the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue. Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of blood flow to that region.
Law of xylolaceration. Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
Law of juvenile omnipotence. Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
Law of nominative clamnovocation. The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.
Law of uninterruptable metamorphosis. Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any bad guys witnessing a mecha/heroine/hero transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
Law of differentiated gravitation. Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of four.
Laws of sonic amplification, first law of anime acoustics. In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
Law of constant thrust, first law of anime motion. In space, conatant thrust equals constant velocity.
Law of mechanical mobility, second law of motion. The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored mecha robots are fastest objects known to human science.
Law of temporal variability. Time is not a constant. Time stops for a hero whenever he does something cool or impressive.Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds whenever there is a fight.
First law of temporal mortality. Good guys and bad guys both don't die in one of two ways- either so quick they don't even see it coming, or it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
Second law of temporal mortality. It takes some time for bad guys to die…regardless of physical damage. Even when the "bad guys" are killed so quickly they didn't see it coming, it takes them awhile to realize that they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the reality lobe of the brain.
Law of dramatic emphasis. Scenes involving extreme amount of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color(usually red or white).
Law of dramatic multiplicity. Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a good guy kicks the bad guy in the face, are seen at least three times from three different angles.
Law of energetic emission. There is always an energy build-up(commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before mecha(giant robots) or spacecraft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed this is related to the Law of Combustibility.
Law of inexhaustibility. No one ever runs out of ammunition. That is, of course, unless they are cornered, outnumbered, outclassed, unconscious, or it serves as a plot point.
Law of inverse accuracy. The accuracy of a good guy when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the bad guys when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases.(Also known as the Storm trooper effect.)
Law of hemoglobin capacity. The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
Law of demonic consistency. Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tends to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.
Law of militaristic unreliability. Huge, galaxywide armadas, entire armies and large war machines full of cruel , heartless, blood-thirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
Law of juvenile intellectuality. Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
Law of Americanthropomorphism. Americans in anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty, skinny bad guy or a big stupid good guy.
Law of mandibular proportionality. The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
Law of conservation of firepower. Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
Law of melee luminescence. Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for good guys and red for bad guys. This is attributed to good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than evil.
Law of nonanthropomorphic antagonism. All ugly, nonhumanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
Law of follicular permanence. Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse or explosive effects, and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons…with bladed weapons.
Law of topological aerodynamics. Any shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
Law of probable attire. Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines. Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the aforementioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason.
Law of quintupular agglutination. Also called the Five-man Rule, when good guys group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are: the hero/leader, his girlfriend, his best friend/rival, a hulking brute, a dwarf/kid.
Law of extradimensional capacitance. All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice. The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it.
Law of inverse attraction. Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.
Law of nasal sanguination. When sexually aroused, males in anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though…the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue. Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of blood flow to that region.
Law of xylolaceration. Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
Law of juvenile omnipotence. Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
Law of nominative clamnovocation. The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.
Law of uninterruptable metamorphosis. Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any bad guys witnessing a mecha/heroine/hero transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
