The ancient game of golf
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
The purpose of the game of golf seems to be to brutalize an innocent, inoffensive little ball until it dives into a hole to hide. Whereupon, you retrieve the ball and begin all over again.
This involves a considerable number of exhortations to a Supreme Being and the consigning of a large number of blameless white balls to eternal suffering and a watery grave. It also involves twisting oddly shaped clubs into even more exotic shapes by bending them around trees, smashing them on the ground, and occasionally sending them to look for the recently drowned ball.
One of the odder facts of the game of golf is the scoring. It involves a number of terms, which may confuse the casual observer. For those people who are unfamiliar with the terms, I will define them.
Stroke: One swing at the ball.
Hole in One: The score achieved at a Par 3 hole when no one is looking.
Eagle: Two strokes under Par usually achieved when there are no witnesses
; A hole-in-one on a Par 3.
Birdie: One Stroke under Par. Rarely achieved with witnesses.
Par: The average number of times the ball must be assaulted before it tries to hide in the hole. The score you get when playing with close friends.
Bogie: One stroke over par. The score you get when playing with casual acquaintances.
Double Bogie: Two strokes over Par. The score you get when playing with total strangers, or your boss.
The Bogie is named for the redoubtable Colonel Bogie. Which is odd as the good Colonel always shot dead Par (with witnesses!) So consistent was he, that he was called several times to play new courses in order to check Par!
The second odd thing about scoring in golf is the behavior of numbers on the scorepad. If a man takes three swings at the ball in the rough, four in the sand trap, sends one into the pond, and five on the green, added to the drive somehow becomes a six (on a par five.)
Having watched quite a number of people struggle through this ordeal, I naturally became curious as to why they would go out onto the course in all sorts of weather, swear, throw things, lose balls, and write scores creatively. The answer:
To relax!
This involves a considerable number of exhortations to a Supreme Being and the consigning of a large number of blameless white balls to eternal suffering and a watery grave. It also involves twisting oddly shaped clubs into even more exotic shapes by bending them around trees, smashing them on the ground, and occasionally sending them to look for the recently drowned ball.
One of the odder facts of the game of golf is the scoring. It involves a number of terms, which may confuse the casual observer. For those people who are unfamiliar with the terms, I will define them.
Stroke: One swing at the ball.
Hole in One: The score achieved at a Par 3 hole when no one is looking.
Eagle: Two strokes under Par usually achieved when there are no witnesses
; A hole-in-one on a Par 3.
Birdie: One Stroke under Par. Rarely achieved with witnesses.
Par: The average number of times the ball must be assaulted before it tries to hide in the hole. The score you get when playing with close friends.
Bogie: One stroke over par. The score you get when playing with casual acquaintances.
Double Bogie: Two strokes over Par. The score you get when playing with total strangers, or your boss.
The Bogie is named for the redoubtable Colonel Bogie. Which is odd as the good Colonel always shot dead Par (with witnesses!) So consistent was he, that he was called several times to play new courses in order to check Par!
The second odd thing about scoring in golf is the behavior of numbers on the scorepad. If a man takes three swings at the ball in the rough, four in the sand trap, sends one into the pond, and five on the green, added to the drive somehow becomes a six (on a par five.)
Having watched quite a number of people struggle through this ordeal, I naturally became curious as to why they would go out onto the course in all sorts of weather, swear, throw things, lose balls, and write scores creatively. The answer:
To relax!
