Shingle is a strange substance which appears to be a large collection of small stones spread on a beach, the primary reason for which seems to be to cause pain and suffering to those expecting soft sand. Normally, of course, this task is carried out by broken bottles, sticks, hypodermic needles and the normal detritus of a modern day beach. Shingle is how nature intended the task to be carried out and does make a much more satisfying bruise on the sole of the foot (and, indeed, on many other body parts should you fall over while considering the pain cascading through your body from your foot).

However, shingle has since spread from its natural home on the beaches of Britain and is now invading the homes and gardens of humans far from the coast. It can be found in bowls in the house, around trees and shrubs on the patio and, in extreme cases, covering the entire garden to attempt to create a seaside motif.

This latter case is particularly odd, because gardeners in general spend many, many hours removing small stones from the garden. Modern fashion now dictates that they then cover the garden in an entirely different collection of small stones. This might be seen as a waste of time, but fashion is, in general, always a waste of either time or money, or both. As specially washed, selected and graded shingle is very expensive it fits into the latter category, and is usually a sign of someone who watches too many gardening programmes¹.

Shingle is best enjoyed in its natural environment; on a freezing and windswept beach through tears of pain. In recent years many gardeners have taken to removing shingle from its natural habitat². This should be actively discouraged by any ecologically minded hitcher, or indeed any hitcher who does not like the kind of person who would use shingle to create any kind of 'garden feature'.