BTVS GROUP QUOTES - SEASON 1
Created | Updated Jun 26, 2004
SEASON ONE
(WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH)
Jesse: "Is it me or are you turning into a bimbleing idiot?"
Xander: "No, no it's not you"
(WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH - When Buffy asked to hang out with Willow)
Willow: "But arn't you hanging out with Cordelia?"
Buffy: "Can't I do both?"
Willow: "Not legally!"
(WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH - Cordi after they found a dead guy in a locker)
Cordelia: "Totally dead, way dead!"
Xander: "Not just a little dead then?"
(THE HARVEST - Buffy after stopping the Master from rising)
Buffy: "Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school!"
Xander: "Oh, yeah, that's a plan. 'Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths."
Willow: "Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that."
Buffy: "I was thinking of a more subtle approach, y'know, like excessive not studying."
Giles: "The Earth is doomed!"
(WITCH - Willow after someone hurt Cordelia)
Giles: "Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?"
Willow: "Maybe because they met her?.... Did I say that?"
(TEACHERS PET - Giles and Buffy about Angel)
Giles: "That's all he said? Fork Guy?"
Buffy: "That's all Cryptic Guy said: Fork Guy."
Giles: "I think there are too many guys in your life."
(TEACHERS PET - The gang about the Preying Mantis)
Giles: "Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest."
Buffy: "Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh...I mean, he's probably...
Willow: ...gonna die!"
(TEACHERS PET - Xander about Angel)
Xander: "Well, he's buff! She never said anything about him being buff!"
Willow: "You think he's buff?"
Xander: "He's a very attractive man! How come that never came up?"
(NEVER KILL A BOY ON THE FIRST DATE - Buffy when someone actually comes into the library)
Buffy: "See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things."
Giles: "I was beginning to suspect that was a myth."
(NEVER KILL A BOY ON THE FIRST DATE - Giles when Willow was hacking into the coroners office files)
Giles: "This computer invasion that Willow is performing on the coroners office, one assumes it's entirley legal"
Buffy and Willow - "Of course"
Giles: "Right, wasn't here, didn't see anything, couldn't have stopped you!"
(NEVER KILL A BOY ON THE FIRST DATE - Xander and willow trying to warn Buffy that Giles was in danger in front of Owen)
Xander: "Hey maybe we should all go somewhere together, you know what'd be cool, the Sunnydale funeral home!"
Willow: "Ive always wanted to go there"
(NEVER KILL A BOY ON THE FIRST DATE - Giles when hiding in the morgue)
Giles: "Two of the Brotheryn came in here but I was more than a match for them"
Buffy: "Meaning?"
Giles: "I hid"
(THE PACK - Xander at the zoo)
Xander: "We just saw the zebras mating! Thank you, very exciting..."
Willow: I"t was like the Heimlich, with stripes!"
(THE PACK - Buffy trying to tell Giles theres something wrong with xander)
Giles: "Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?"
Buffy: "Uh-huh."
Giles: "And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?"
Buffy: "Yes."
Giles: "And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles."
Buffy: "It's bad, isn't it."
Giles: "It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Of course, you'll have to kill him."
(THE PACK - After Xander and Buffy fought)
Willow: "Oh, my God, Xander! What happened?"
Buffy: "I hit him."
Willow: "With what?"
Buffy: "A desk."
(THE PACK - Giles after Xander had lied about not remember eating a live pig)
Giles: "I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards."
Xander: "Did you tell them that?"
Giles: "Your secret dies with me."
Xander: "Shoot me, stuff me, mount me."
(ANGEL - Xander after Angel saved Buffy's life)
Xander: "Buffy, c'mon, wake up and smell the seduction. It's the oldest trick in the book."
Buffy: "What? Saving my life? Getting slashed in the ribs?"
Xander: "Duh!"
(ANGEL - the gang researching Angel)
Giles: "There's mention some two hundred years ago in Ireland of, of Angelus, the one with the angelic face."
Buffy: "They got that right."
(ME ROBOT YOU JANE)
Giles: "I'm, I'm just gonna stay and clean up a little. I'll, uh, I'll be back in the middle ages."
Jenny Calender: "Did you ever leave?"
(ME ROBOT YOU JANE - Jenny taking the mick out of Giles again)
Jenny Calender: "Oh I know our ways are strange to you, but soon you will join us in the 20th century...with three whole years to spare"
(ME ROBOT, YOU JANE - Giles in another world cause he realised a demon got out out of a book)
Giles: "Well its been so nice talking to you"
Jenny Calender: "We were fighting"
Giles: "Must do it again sometime"
(ME ROBOT YOU JANE - The gang about the demon in the internet)
Buffy: "You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How about mess up all the medical equipment in the world?"
Giles: "Randomize traffic signals."
Buffy: "Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles."
Giles: "Destroy the world's economy."
Buffy: "I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing."
Giles: "Right, yours was best."
(ME ROBOT YOU JANE - Buffy and Xander when Willow was upset about the Malcolm being a demon thing)
Buffy: "Hey, did you forget? The one boy I've had the hots for since I've moved here turned out to be a vampire."
Xander: "Right, and the teacher I had a crush on? Giant praying mantis?"
Willow: "That's true."
Xander: "Yeah, that's life on the Hellmouth."
Buffy: "Let's face it: none of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal relationship."
Xander: "We're doomed!"
(THE PUPPET SHOW - The gang taking the mick out of Giles having to run the talent show)
Buffy: "Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny."
Giles: "If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least, um, helped."
Buffy: "Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role... and watch!"
Xander: "And mock!"
Willow: "And laugh!"
(THE PUPPET SHOW - Giles trying to get rid of Cordy)
Giles: "Sorry....Your hair"
Cordy: "Theres something wrong with my hair?" (She runs off)
Giles: "Xander was right, it worked like a charm"
(NIGHTMARES - When xander walked into class naked)
Willow: "Xander! What happened to your...?!"
Xander: "I,I,I dunno! I was, uh, dressed a minute ago! It's a dream. It's gotta be a dream. Ow! Wake up. Ow! Gotta wake up."
(NIGHTMARES)
Willow: "When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?"
Xander: "Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!"
Willow: "Still dug her, huh?"
Xander: "I'm sick, I need help."
Willow: "Don't I know it."
(OUT OF MIND OUT OF SIGHT - Snyder to the reporters)
Snyder: There are no dead students here!.....This week"
(OUT OF MIND OUT OF SIGHT)
Cordy: "This is all about me! me me me!"
Xander - "Wow, for once she's right"
(OUT OF MIND OUT OF SIGHT - about Marcy Ross)
Giles: "The loneliness, the constant exile, she's...she has gone mad!"
Xander: "Ya think?"
(PROPHECY GIRL - the gang about a very boring lesson)
Xander: "I don't feel that boring covers it."
Buffy: "No, boring falls short."
Willow: "Even I was bored. And I'm a science nerd."
Buffy: "Don't say that."
Willow: "I'm not ashamed. It's the computer age. Nerds are in. They're still in, right?"
(PROPHECY GIRL - Xander when Buffy rejects him)
Xander: "Nah. Forget it. I'm not him. I mean, I guess a guy's gotta be undead to make time with you."
Buffy: "That's really harsh."
Xander: "Look, I'm sorry. I don't handle rejection well. Funny! Considering all the practice I've had, huh?"
(PROPHECY GIRL - When Buffy went off to fight The Master)
Xander: "How could you let her go?"
Giles: "As the soon-to-be-purple area of my jaw will attest, I did not LET her go!"
(PROPHECY GIRL - Xander getting paraniod that Angel will eat him)
Xander: "You were looking at my neck."
Angel: "What?"
Xander: "You were checking out my neck! I saw that!"
Angel: "No, I wasn't!"
Xander: "Just keep your distance, pal."
Angel: "I wasn't looking at your neck!"
Xander: "I told you to eat before we left."
(PROPHECY GIRL - About Buffy's Spring Fling Dress)
Angel: "By the way, I really like your dress."
Buffy: "Yeah, yeah. Big hit with everyone."
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(WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH)
Jesse: "Is it me or are you turning into a bimbleing idiot?"
Xander: "No, no it's not you"
(WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH - When Buffy asked to hang out with Willow)
Willow: "But arn't you hanging out with Cordelia?"
Buffy: "Can't I do both?"
Willow: "Not legally!"
(WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH - Cordi after they found a dead guy in a locker)
Cordelia: "Totally dead, way dead!"
Xander: "Not just a little dead then?"
(THE HARVEST - Buffy after stopping the Master from rising)
Buffy: "Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school!"
Xander: "Oh, yeah, that's a plan. 'Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths."
Willow: "Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that."
Buffy: "I was thinking of a more subtle approach, y'know, like excessive not studying."
Giles: "The Earth is doomed!"
(WITCH - Willow after someone hurt Cordelia)
Giles: "Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?"
Willow: "Maybe because they met her?.... Did I say that?"
(TEACHERS PET - Giles and Buffy about Angel)
Giles: "That's all he said? Fork Guy?"
Buffy: "That's all Cryptic Guy said: Fork Guy."
Giles: "I think there are too many guys in your life."
(TEACHERS PET - The gang about the Preying Mantis)
Giles: "Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest."
Buffy: "Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh...I mean, he's probably...
Willow: ...gonna die!"
(TEACHERS PET - Xander about Angel)
Xander: "Well, he's buff! She never said anything about him being buff!"
Willow: "You think he's buff?"
Xander: "He's a very attractive man! How come that never came up?"
(NEVER KILL A BOY ON THE FIRST DATE - Buffy when someone actually comes into the library)
Buffy: "See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things."
Giles: "I was beginning to suspect that was a myth."
(NEVER KILL A BOY ON THE FIRST DATE - Giles when Willow was hacking into the coroners office files)
Giles: "This computer invasion that Willow is performing on the coroners office, one assumes it's entirley legal"
Buffy and Willow - "Of course"
Giles: "Right, wasn't here, didn't see anything, couldn't have stopped you!"
(NEVER KILL A BOY ON THE FIRST DATE - Xander and willow trying to warn Buffy that Giles was in danger in front of Owen)
Xander: "Hey maybe we should all go somewhere together, you know what'd be cool, the Sunnydale funeral home!"
Willow: "Ive always wanted to go there"
(NEVER KILL A BOY ON THE FIRST DATE - Giles when hiding in the morgue)
Giles: "Two of the Brotheryn came in here but I was more than a match for them"
Buffy: "Meaning?"
Giles: "I hid"
(THE PACK - Xander at the zoo)
Xander: "We just saw the zebras mating! Thank you, very exciting..."
Willow: I"t was like the Heimlich, with stripes!"
(THE PACK - Buffy trying to tell Giles theres something wrong with xander)
Giles: "Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?"
Buffy: "Uh-huh."
Giles: "And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?"
Buffy: "Yes."
Giles: "And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles."
Buffy: "It's bad, isn't it."
Giles: "It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Of course, you'll have to kill him."
(THE PACK - After Xander and Buffy fought)
Willow: "Oh, my God, Xander! What happened?"
Buffy: "I hit him."
Willow: "With what?"
Buffy: "A desk."
(THE PACK - Giles after Xander had lied about not remember eating a live pig)
Giles: "I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards."
Xander: "Did you tell them that?"
Giles: "Your secret dies with me."
Xander: "Shoot me, stuff me, mount me."
(ANGEL - Xander after Angel saved Buffy's life)
Xander: "Buffy, c'mon, wake up and smell the seduction. It's the oldest trick in the book."
Buffy: "What? Saving my life? Getting slashed in the ribs?"
Xander: "Duh!"
(ANGEL - the gang researching Angel)
Giles: "There's mention some two hundred years ago in Ireland of, of Angelus, the one with the angelic face."
Buffy: "They got that right."
(ME ROBOT YOU JANE)
Giles: "I'm, I'm just gonna stay and clean up a little. I'll, uh, I'll be back in the middle ages."
Jenny Calender: "Did you ever leave?"
(ME ROBOT YOU JANE - Jenny taking the mick out of Giles again)
Jenny Calender: "Oh I know our ways are strange to you, but soon you will join us in the 20th century...with three whole years to spare"
(ME ROBOT, YOU JANE - Giles in another world cause he realised a demon got out out of a book)
Giles: "Well its been so nice talking to you"
Jenny Calender: "We were fighting"
Giles: "Must do it again sometime"
(ME ROBOT YOU JANE - The gang about the demon in the internet)
Buffy: "You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How about mess up all the medical equipment in the world?"
Giles: "Randomize traffic signals."
Buffy: "Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles."
Giles: "Destroy the world's economy."
Buffy: "I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing."
Giles: "Right, yours was best."
(ME ROBOT YOU JANE - Buffy and Xander when Willow was upset about the Malcolm being a demon thing)
Buffy: "Hey, did you forget? The one boy I've had the hots for since I've moved here turned out to be a vampire."
Xander: "Right, and the teacher I had a crush on? Giant praying mantis?"
Willow: "That's true."
Xander: "Yeah, that's life on the Hellmouth."
Buffy: "Let's face it: none of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal relationship."
Xander: "We're doomed!"
(THE PUPPET SHOW - The gang taking the mick out of Giles having to run the talent show)
Buffy: "Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny."
Giles: "If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least, um, helped."
Buffy: "Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role... and watch!"
Xander: "And mock!"
Willow: "And laugh!"
(THE PUPPET SHOW - Giles trying to get rid of Cordy)
Giles: "Sorry....Your hair"
Cordy: "Theres something wrong with my hair?" (She runs off)
Giles: "Xander was right, it worked like a charm"
(NIGHTMARES - When xander walked into class naked)
Willow: "Xander! What happened to your...?!"
Xander: "I,I,I dunno! I was, uh, dressed a minute ago! It's a dream. It's gotta be a dream. Ow! Wake up. Ow! Gotta wake up."
(NIGHTMARES)
Willow: "When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?"
Xander: "Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!"
Willow: "Still dug her, huh?"
Xander: "I'm sick, I need help."
Willow: "Don't I know it."
(OUT OF MIND OUT OF SIGHT - Snyder to the reporters)
Snyder: There are no dead students here!.....This week"
(OUT OF MIND OUT OF SIGHT)
Cordy: "This is all about me! me me me!"
Xander - "Wow, for once she's right"
(OUT OF MIND OUT OF SIGHT - about Marcy Ross)
Giles: "The loneliness, the constant exile, she's...she has gone mad!"
Xander: "Ya think?"
(PROPHECY GIRL - the gang about a very boring lesson)
Xander: "I don't feel that boring covers it."
Buffy: "No, boring falls short."
Willow: "Even I was bored. And I'm a science nerd."
Buffy: "Don't say that."
Willow: "I'm not ashamed. It's the computer age. Nerds are in. They're still in, right?"
(PROPHECY GIRL - Xander when Buffy rejects him)
Xander: "Nah. Forget it. I'm not him. I mean, I guess a guy's gotta be undead to make time with you."
Buffy: "That's really harsh."
Xander: "Look, I'm sorry. I don't handle rejection well. Funny! Considering all the practice I've had, huh?"
(PROPHECY GIRL - When Buffy went off to fight The Master)
Xander: "How could you let her go?"
Giles: "As the soon-to-be-purple area of my jaw will attest, I did not LET her go!"
(PROPHECY GIRL - Xander getting paraniod that Angel will eat him)
Xander: "You were looking at my neck."
Angel: "What?"
Xander: "You were checking out my neck! I saw that!"
Angel: "No, I wasn't!"
Xander: "Just keep your distance, pal."
Angel: "I wasn't looking at your neck!"
Xander: "I told you to eat before we left."
(PROPHECY GIRL - About Buffy's Spring Fling Dress)
Angel: "By the way, I really like your dress."
Buffy: "Yeah, yeah. Big hit with everyone."
CLICK HERE A2742941 TO GO BACK TO QUOTES MAIN PAGE
