Falling off a log
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
After many years of hearing the phrase that referred to this activity being used to describe something that is extremely easy, I decided to research the subject a little further.
The first point to establish is that a person falling off a log is usually what the phrase refers to as oppose to, for example, a badger. Whether badgers use this phrase as well is unknown. However, in the name of research I found it necessary to try all variables. After a fairly extensive search of some nearby woods, I could not find a single badger. Repeated calls to my local RSPCA explaining my plight and the nature of my research resulted firstly in refusal to relinquish any captive badgers and, eventually, threats.
It was necessary therefore, to replace the badger with a more accesible animal. My friend's dog seemed as good as any and we set off for the woods. Problems were swift to appear as, upon finding a log, the dog not only refused to co-operate by standing on the log, but decided to relieve himself on it instead and then proceeded to run after a small woodland mammel when my friend let go of the leash. It took half an hour to catch the dog again and I sprained my ankle in the chase. As it was now dark and we could not find the log again (I wanted to use the same one for maximum accuracy) we headed for home.
I came to the conclusion that it is very difficult for a dog to fall off a log.
The next day I returned to the log determined to try two other animal species. My first experiment was with the family cat; 'Bubbles'. Unfortunately as soon as I opened the cat basket, Bubbles jumped out and ran off, never touching the log. If anyone has seen Bubbles, a small black and white cat with a yellow collar, disappeared around Newlands Corner in Surrey last week, please could they contact either me or a member of my family. A small reward will be given upon his safe return.
The penultimate experiment involved a gerbil that I had appropriated from a friend of my younger brother several weeks back. I planned to return the creature after the experiment but, unfortunately this test too was to end in failure as, upon opening the box, I discovered that it was dead as I had neglected to feed it for ten days. I made a note to buy one exactly like it and replace the offending rodent so no-one would notice the death.
After a brief burial exercise I began the final and most important test of falling off a log - the human variable i.e me. But, alas the full flaw of my judgement became apparant. The log was not only small - approximately two feet long and ten inches wide, but it was also covered in moss. As I placed one foot on top of it, the log rolled from under me, tumbling down a small incline and into a nearby stream (thereby ruining the continuity and accuracy of the experiment), as I fell backwards against a tree, suffering what was later diagnosed as a slight concussion. As I had not technically been ON the log I could not have fallen off it.
Obviously to gain accurate results in this experiment, different sized and shaped logs should be used and in different conditions. As I was unable to take these variables into account an extension of my resarch is probably necessary in order to exhaust all avenues. But as far as my methods were able to take me, the conclusion of this research must be that falling off a log is difficult, even impossible.
The first point to establish is that a person falling off a log is usually what the phrase refers to as oppose to, for example, a badger. Whether badgers use this phrase as well is unknown. However, in the name of research I found it necessary to try all variables. After a fairly extensive search of some nearby woods, I could not find a single badger. Repeated calls to my local RSPCA explaining my plight and the nature of my research resulted firstly in refusal to relinquish any captive badgers and, eventually, threats.
It was necessary therefore, to replace the badger with a more accesible animal. My friend's dog seemed as good as any and we set off for the woods. Problems were swift to appear as, upon finding a log, the dog not only refused to co-operate by standing on the log, but decided to relieve himself on it instead and then proceeded to run after a small woodland mammel when my friend let go of the leash. It took half an hour to catch the dog again and I sprained my ankle in the chase. As it was now dark and we could not find the log again (I wanted to use the same one for maximum accuracy) we headed for home.
I came to the conclusion that it is very difficult for a dog to fall off a log.
The next day I returned to the log determined to try two other animal species. My first experiment was with the family cat; 'Bubbles'. Unfortunately as soon as I opened the cat basket, Bubbles jumped out and ran off, never touching the log. If anyone has seen Bubbles, a small black and white cat with a yellow collar, disappeared around Newlands Corner in Surrey last week, please could they contact either me or a member of my family. A small reward will be given upon his safe return.
The penultimate experiment involved a gerbil that I had appropriated from a friend of my younger brother several weeks back. I planned to return the creature after the experiment but, unfortunately this test too was to end in failure as, upon opening the box, I discovered that it was dead as I had neglected to feed it for ten days. I made a note to buy one exactly like it and replace the offending rodent so no-one would notice the death.
After a brief burial exercise I began the final and most important test of falling off a log - the human variable i.e me. But, alas the full flaw of my judgement became apparant. The log was not only small - approximately two feet long and ten inches wide, but it was also covered in moss. As I placed one foot on top of it, the log rolled from under me, tumbling down a small incline and into a nearby stream (thereby ruining the continuity and accuracy of the experiment), as I fell backwards against a tree, suffering what was later diagnosed as a slight concussion. As I had not technically been ON the log I could not have fallen off it.
Obviously to gain accurate results in this experiment, different sized and shaped logs should be used and in different conditions. As I was unable to take these variables into account an extension of my resarch is probably necessary in order to exhaust all avenues. But as far as my methods were able to take me, the conclusion of this research must be that falling off a log is difficult, even impossible.
