"Britain's 12th worst town."

According to the book Crap Towns

"Stockport is a small town in South Manchester. Much of Engels' research for Marx's Communist Manifesto was based on the apalling working conditions in the town's hat mills. And to be honest it's gone down hill ever since."

A resident

The History

To be completed soon

The residents

Mostly the residents in the town centre consist of "scallies¹"who wear a uniform consisting of rockport boots, checkered socks with a shell suit tucked into them and a visor on their heads. Their favourite past times include hanging around in packs of 10 or so, visiting Merseyway or Grand Cental (see below) and nicking phones.

Nightlife

Nightlife in stockport is mainly focused around Grand Central, a fantastic method of getting the worst of the scallies and placing them all in one place. It includes a swimming pool ², a cinema, a bowling alley, a couple of night clubs and many fast food establishments. Away from Grand Central there isn't a huge amount, a few pubs and the local students union (although there is no university). The stockport students union is as close to a dank pit as you can get without actually being one. The beer is pish and the clientel have an average age of 15.

Shopping

Don't think you can handle going out in the evening? I don't blame you, personally I make the trek into more expensive but much nicer Didsbury. How about some shopping instead? God speed.

If you chose to go shopping in Merseyway the local shopping precint bring a body guard and an umbrella. This is to protect you from numerous "scallies" who only seem to know the words "nah, give us ya phone" and the hail of spit, chips and stones coming from the first floor balcony that runs all the way along.

Things to do

Whilst much of Stockport is a bit of a dump many of the surrounding areas are quite fantastic.

• Town Hall - Probably one of the most fantastic pieces of architecture in Stockport this amazing building was dubbed the wedding cake
• Hat Works - Although I've never been if you're interested in finding out about the industry Stockport is renowned for visit this museum
• Air Raid Shelters - In my opinion this is the best attraction in the town centre. The labyrinth of tunnels could accomodate 7,000 people during the blitz.
• Bramall - This is a superb example of a black and white timber-framed house. The surrounding gardens are very nice as well
• Lyme Park - Just one of the fantastic parks that surround Stockport
• Tatton Park - A very nice hall with excellent surrounding gardens. These include a maze and a japanese garden amongst other attractions.
• Etherow Country Park - Just down the road from Marple (a fantastic place for a canal side walk) is one of Stockports finest parks. Me and my friends used to cycle up there every now and again although the hills were a pain.

Disclaimer

Remember these are the views of a disgruntled resident, I don't speak for everyone in Stockport. Also these are the views on stockport town centre. The surrounding houses are generally quite nice.