TSA
Created | Updated Jan 4, 2007
Some person once wrote something like “it is not the destination that matter’s but the journey itself” (I don’t know sounds like some Buddha thing). I was traveling recently and had the distinct pleasure of having a quick discussion with the Transportation Security Agencies best and brightest. I was in quite the long line to enter the “secure” area. This was rather fortunate because I had plenty of time to ponder the deeper meanings in life like should I unlace my shoes before I get to the head of the line or does it matter because everyone who is traveling right now are cattle and nothing will expedite the process. As I sat there waiting my turn to be inspected for safe travel I had an opportunity to look around at some of my fellow passengers. After quickly assessing all of the various gorgeous women in the area and I noticed a guy who was dressed semi odd for this winter season. He was wearing a tie dye tank top shirt, pair of kaki shorts, and a pair of sandals. It was the sandals that really caught my attention as they were made of some sort of coiled rope. I could not help but start to laugh at this until I thought of the obvious benefits. If this man was ever trapped in an elevator all he would need to do is unravel his footwear. Further, if he needed to tow a broken down vehicle or dry his clothes he would just unravel the left foot and quickly he has a great rope. What I really found funny was that TSA made him take them off to go through the screening process. It was like they thought he had some sort of rope bomb in there. This poor fellow was practically naked with his shirt, shorts, and sandals; going somewhere that I hope was warm and they wanted to disrobe him further. Of course the presumption that he was going somewhere warm while I was traveling to a colder made it ok in my book to make him walk barefoot through the checkpoint. I hope his toes got chilly that impertinent bastard.
After taking off my shoes, belt, and removing my laptop from my bag and placing the items down on the conveyer belt I stepped through the check point where I was asked if they could look in my bag. I had the distinct impression that although they were asking to look in my bag that they were going to look regardless of what my answer was. I sit down and watch them look through my bag which does not contain too much as it is a smallish carry on. It is not long before my piece of contraband is discovered. I have a tube of toothpaste. The TSA official now calls for a supervisor. The supervisor looks at the toothpaste then at me. He asks if I am aware that liquids in are supposed to be declared. I reply that I do. He then asks why I have liquid in my bag. I tell him that I did not know toothpaste was counted as a liquid. Why? He asks. I said I thought it was a paste. Why? He asks. I tell him that it is the tricky part of the word that labels it as paste. What? He says. I explain that there are two distinct parts of the word and that it was the second part that denotes it as paste. He tells me that my toothpaste is in fact liquid despite the part of the word that describes it as paste. He tells me that it is liquid because TSA says it is liquid. He asks if I want to get on the plane that day and I say that is why I am at the airport. He asks me if I think I am smart. I reply that I am obviously not smart enough to work for the TSA. I am sent away with dirty looks and some mumbling about liberals.
After taking off my shoes, belt, and removing my laptop from my bag and placing the items down on the conveyer belt I stepped through the check point where I was asked if they could look in my bag. I had the distinct impression that although they were asking to look in my bag that they were going to look regardless of what my answer was. I sit down and watch them look through my bag which does not contain too much as it is a smallish carry on. It is not long before my piece of contraband is discovered. I have a tube of toothpaste. The TSA official now calls for a supervisor. The supervisor looks at the toothpaste then at me. He asks if I am aware that liquids in are supposed to be declared. I reply that I do. He then asks why I have liquid in my bag. I tell him that I did not know toothpaste was counted as a liquid. Why? He asks. I said I thought it was a paste. Why? He asks. I tell him that it is the tricky part of the word that labels it as paste. What? He says. I explain that there are two distinct parts of the word and that it was the second part that denotes it as paste. He tells me that my toothpaste is in fact liquid despite the part of the word that describes it as paste. He tells me that it is liquid because TSA says it is liquid. He asks if I want to get on the plane that day and I say that is why I am at the airport. He asks me if I think I am smart. I reply that I am obviously not smart enough to work for the TSA. I am sent away with dirty looks and some mumbling about liberals.
