h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have had past disputes as to wether or not Irish "roads" actually qualify as such. A more accurate description would be "A simulation of the Himalayian relief as sculpted by Gas, Cable and Tellecoms companies out of many layers of cheap asphalt and tarmcaddam."

Irish road signs are unique in that they are the only signs that enable the reader to get lost in two different languages.

The directional indication is usually in the form of a pointed end to the road sign. However, the signs are usually mounted so as to enable them to "swivel" and the directional component cannot be trusted.

It is quite possilbe, and in fact common, to pass a roadsign in Ireland saying "Killmacud, 2 Miles," and then pass a sign 1 mile down the road indicating that the same location is in fact 3 miles away. Half a mile down the road after this second sign is the most probable location of your destination, so be sure to stop and confirm this with the locals.

Another unusual Irish road sign phenomenon is the naming convention. This involves spelling the location in a wide variety of manners on road signs in parrallel. A goog example is Ahiohill (the correct spelling), a small town in the Western region of Cork County. This can be seen on a number of different road signs spelt as "Agyhwiohuill, Ahohiall, Arioheal e.t.c." A rule of thumb in Ireland is that if the signs all contain roughly the same amount of vowels they will lead you to the same place.

Be sure to be wary also of speed limit signs. There is no warning of a change in the limit, the signs simply advertise the limit that is about to change directly after passing that sign. In the most severe of cases, these signs are placed directly around a bend in the road, and hence immpossible to see. These later types are usually accompanied by a couple of bored police officers with a radar gun.

Above all, please take special note of any signs named "Xing" with pictures of Leprechauns beneath them. These wonderfull creatures are our cultural heritage and we will not have them destroyed by careless driving.

Another thing for us ignorant Saxons is that there seems to be no hard and fast rule for pronouncing Irish words, so it's impossible for us to stop and ask the way to anywhere.

For example is 'An Gleanngarbh' pronounced 'Glengarriff' or not?

For all I know 'Baile atha Cliath' might actually be pronounced 'Dublin'.

Unfortunatly, most Irish place names have become Anglosized in the last few hundred years or so. Of course, there has been an initiative to restore the former place names since the Irish Republic was formed, and this can be seen in the use of two names on most road signs.

In the case of an Gleanngarbh, Glengarriff was most probably intended to be the most approximate Phoenetic spelling of the original name. But seeing as how the Irish accent is widely varied, and the interpretation of it even worse (see Tom Cruise in "Far and Away,") these translations were frequently off the mark.

In the case of Dublin, the orignal name was Dubh-Linn, which, as far as I know, is the Irish for Black-Pool. Apparently it is so called because the original Viking settlers made their first encampment near a Black Lake. Just why it was black is beyond me, but the collective national imagination back then was quite strong. (See stories of our national hero, Fionn McCuil for more exagerated folk lore.) I have no idea where the name "Baile Atha Cliath" came from.

English is very much the predominant language in the country in this day and age, with small pockets of Gealtacht regions scattered around the country, mostly in the west. If you are fortunate enough to find yourself in one of these areas (they are usually charming and very scenic,) then the only rule I can think of for pronouncing place names is to speak them in English, as the residents are all bilingual.

If you want to sound authentic, just smoke a few cigarretes to get a bit of huskiness in there.

Pronouncing the English name is possibly the best bet, and if you can't make yourself understood, try taking your hand away from your mouth.