My old page
Created | Updated Feb 10, 2002
I am the Elkherd, and welcome to my Realm. I have been cast out by society because of my hideous centaur-like form, and have created this Realm to escape to tortures of the city. I am a beast with the rear body and antlers of an Elk, but the front body of a human being. Please do not be alarmed by my form (don't panic!).<P/>
Feel free to look around. Observe the fields of happy Elks chewing on the sumptuous new shoots of the eternal spring here in my secret valley. Gaze upwards and spy out the eagles nesting among the rocky pinnacles that surround us and keep my sanctum hidden from the outside world. Let your soul be uplifted by the sound of the trickling streams, running clean and youthfully over moss-encrusted rocks, and remember that you are one of the lucky ones: you have entered the lair of the Elkmaster and I have let you live.<P/>
I am misanthropic (I hate *most* human beings :-) (Oh I know, I've just insulted you and I'm trying to make up with a smiley. Pitiful, isn't it?)), angry, apologetic and have a hatred for HTML. If I were a character in a movie I would be Garth from Wayne's World, and if I were a character in The X-Files I'd be Langly.<P/>
I used to be in the (now dead) bands <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/a130933/">Orifice</A> and <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/P141120/">The Spindly Killa Fish</A>.
Fenny's fish has gone cos it was slowing the page down.</p>
Beware the shade.
<H3>Developments in The Realm of The Elkmaster</H3>
I have decided to allow people into my realm. I may grant them permission to construct some sort of structure - a monument to themselves if you like. Their monuments, when justified, will be built and described, *at no cost to themselves* on this very page. Here are the developments: (If you'd like to build something, just ask at the forum below (doesn't it suck that you can't write a downwards arrow?).)<P/>
<H2>0. More important than any of this other rubbish you're reading, a spire stands surrounded by many Elks right in the centre of my realm. From a window looks the beautiful Emma Weston, looking out for me wherever I may be, in the knowledge that I will be thinking of her.</H2>
1. After investigating the old mansion built one hundred years ago by the crazy-old-genetic-engineer-on-the-hill (why did you leave me in this hideous form, father, why...?) on bracken covered tummock, two enchantresses, <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U53674">Tasha</A> and Fe, have asked me to construct a castle for them. I said, "alright," so I did. It has four towers, a gateway shut with both drawbridge and portcullis and a flock of Ravens of its very own. Several imps stand on the battlements gazing out over the land, looking for intruders, and serving the occupants' every whim.<P/>
2. Next to one of the many fish-laden streams sits a shimering blue crystal. Every now and again it dances slightly to the faint sound of the Dave Matthews band and so gives away its animate nature. It belongs to <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U50578">Saffire</A>.<P/>
3. On a rock near the very centre of my Realm sits a great Iron pot. Decorated with the mighty sigils '2' and '4', it belongs to <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U40408">Monsy</A>. Inside it bubbles something nice for all the H2G2ers.<P/>
4. From beyond the eeyries of the pinnacle birds stretches a seven-hued rainbow, uniting all the peoples of the outside world. One of the other ends lies in the lost lands of Canada, and on top whirls the ever youthful <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U37153">Maid Marion</A>, searching for Robin.<P/>
5. Nestling down by the river is an enormous cat-litter box with special servant mice who scurry around tidying up the, ahem, residues and providing tasty snacks. Sitting curled up in a ball beside it is <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U44452">Loonytunes & The Pink Panther</A>.<P/>
6. At night, a great big green stage rises from beneath the ground, thunderbirds-style, and the remote-controlled insturments of Disaster Area begin to play, accompanied by a laser show. Thankfully, I have constructed a audio-negative field around it (a big wall) to prevent my Elks being deafened. From backstage, with special ear protection, <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U27618">Madmunk</A> looks on. When the stage retreats underground all that can be seen is a small plaque featuring, in tiny letters, the words "Superiority is a State of Mind"<P/>
7. Somewhere or other, I'm not sure where, is something that may or may not belong to Psycho Mantis (aka Spike).
Feel free to look around. Observe the fields of happy Elks chewing on the sumptuous new shoots of the eternal spring here in my secret valley. Gaze upwards and spy out the eagles nesting among the rocky pinnacles that surround us and keep my sanctum hidden from the outside world. Let your soul be uplifted by the sound of the trickling streams, running clean and youthfully over moss-encrusted rocks, and remember that you are one of the lucky ones: you have entered the lair of the Elkmaster and I have let you live.<P/>
I am misanthropic (I hate *most* human beings :-) (Oh I know, I've just insulted you and I'm trying to make up with a smiley. Pitiful, isn't it?)), angry, apologetic and have a hatred for HTML. If I were a character in a movie I would be Garth from Wayne's World, and if I were a character in The X-Files I'd be Langly.<P/>
I used to be in the (now dead) bands <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/a130933/">Orifice</A> and <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/P141120/">The Spindly Killa Fish</A>.
Fenny's fish has gone cos it was slowing the page down.</p>
Beware the shade.
<H3>Developments in The Realm of The Elkmaster</H3>
I have decided to allow people into my realm. I may grant them permission to construct some sort of structure - a monument to themselves if you like. Their monuments, when justified, will be built and described, *at no cost to themselves* on this very page. Here are the developments: (If you'd like to build something, just ask at the forum below (doesn't it suck that you can't write a downwards arrow?).)<P/>
<H2>0. More important than any of this other rubbish you're reading, a spire stands surrounded by many Elks right in the centre of my realm. From a window looks the beautiful Emma Weston, looking out for me wherever I may be, in the knowledge that I will be thinking of her.</H2>
1. After investigating the old mansion built one hundred years ago by the crazy-old-genetic-engineer-on-the-hill (why did you leave me in this hideous form, father, why...?) on bracken covered tummock, two enchantresses, <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U53674">Tasha</A> and Fe, have asked me to construct a castle for them. I said, "alright," so I did. It has four towers, a gateway shut with both drawbridge and portcullis and a flock of Ravens of its very own. Several imps stand on the battlements gazing out over the land, looking for intruders, and serving the occupants' every whim.<P/>
2. Next to one of the many fish-laden streams sits a shimering blue crystal. Every now and again it dances slightly to the faint sound of the Dave Matthews band and so gives away its animate nature. It belongs to <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U50578">Saffire</A>.<P/>
3. On a rock near the very centre of my Realm sits a great Iron pot. Decorated with the mighty sigils '2' and '4', it belongs to <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U40408">Monsy</A>. Inside it bubbles something nice for all the H2G2ers.<P/>
4. From beyond the eeyries of the pinnacle birds stretches a seven-hued rainbow, uniting all the peoples of the outside world. One of the other ends lies in the lost lands of Canada, and on top whirls the ever youthful <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U37153">Maid Marion</A>, searching for Robin.<P/>
5. Nestling down by the river is an enormous cat-litter box with special servant mice who scurry around tidying up the, ahem, residues and providing tasty snacks. Sitting curled up in a ball beside it is <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U44452">Loonytunes & The Pink Panther</A>.<P/>
6. At night, a great big green stage rises from beneath the ground, thunderbirds-style, and the remote-controlled insturments of Disaster Area begin to play, accompanied by a laser show. Thankfully, I have constructed a audio-negative field around it (a big wall) to prevent my Elks being deafened. From backstage, with special ear protection, <A href="http://www.h2g2.com/U27618">Madmunk</A> looks on. When the stage retreats underground all that can be seen is a small plaque featuring, in tiny letters, the words "Superiority is a State of Mind"<P/>
7. Somewhere or other, I'm not sure where, is something that may or may not belong to Psycho Mantis (aka Spike).
