Where not to find love and romance (...unless you're a jammy bunt)
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
You're a romantic at heart. You just know that special someone for just you is waiting out there all ready to love you unconditionally forever... only problem is, where the hell are they?
Maybe you're just looking in the wrong place? Here's a friendly list of places where not to meet Mr/s Right.
#1 The Internet
Maybe you struck up a conversation with someone you met over the internet. Then you were having your Sunday bath and you found yourself thinking of them. Uh-oh! Mistake!
As everyone knows, sex is the most searched subject on the internet by a long way. If you're thinking, 'Hey, sex is love isn't it?' then you're on the wrong page and ought to move to 'Where to find sex' (in progress). The whole 'lust' and 'love' terms have been well misunderstood since the dawn of time, but is important to draw the distinction here. And it is this misunderstanding that sends us on our merry jaunts on that fabulous rollercoaster called love.
Firstly, the internet is a very ambiguous form of communication. There's no touch, no voice tone, no body language, a whole world of misconveyance and miscommunication waiting to happen. Text is an imperfect medium for expressing such deep emotions. Take note of the two examples below.
"As I gazed up into her bright blue eyes, I felt a warmth welling up from my tummy and spreading to every tip of my body. When she smiled at me, my heart sung and I held her close wishing no more of the world"
"As I waited in apprehension for each chat message to appear on-screen, I could feel the pounding of each key you pressed echoing my heart beat. When it finally came through (you type slowly and typo a lot) I read it and felt.... nothing."
Secondly, logistics. They're in Iceland, you're in Antartica. You do the math.
Thirdly, what you don't know about them can surprise you. They have no references, who you think is the love of your life could be a group of three bored twelve year old's bored on a Saturday night. That dishy guy that sent you his photo looks suspiciously like Tom Cruise. That sweet tenderhearted girl who sent you a picture of herself naked is actually a guy. Sincerity is easily avoidable in a text world where the face-to-face barriers are removed.
#2 Bars and Clubs
People looking for romance in bar's or clubs are often sadly disappointed. A well known hangout for sleazy peoples on whom the concept of love and romance was broken a long time ago. If you're looking for sex, then this is probably a great place to start, but thats another subject matter (in progress)...
That person trying to attract your attention isn't wondering what your stance on vegetarianism is. They're thinking of only one thing, and how fast they think they're able to get to know you in a carnal way. They're not going to care what you say or do, though shall not let this on, nodding and smiling enthusiastically from any crap you may be spouting. You say 'All people who like carrots ought to be shot' and it invokes an agreeable response. If you could read minds, you could tell that they were only wondering what colour your underwear is. They are likened to a condemned person being measured excitedly by an undertaker for an extremely profitable coffin that will buy them that new boat they were looking at last week. They're probably already thinking of ways to have sex in the toilets, or wondering where they're going to put your notch on their bedhead.
Drinking helps and hinders the situation... complicates it. Inhibitions are forgotten around about the 5th pint, though this number is variable on person to person. The more you drink, darn-it-all the better people start to look. A few too many pints and you could be waking up in the morning, your romantic ambitions perhaps a little more crushed than yesterday when you recall your events from the previous night (if you can) or worse, inevitability hearing them from someone else (who normally takes delight in it, and you're certain they'll tell everyone else too) or even worse, waking up next to that sleazy horndog you were certain you'd been telling to bugger off all night.
Clubs are a little different. You may enjoy dancing and the 'E' culture in common, but because of the extreme artificialness of the situation (even if you are having the best time of your life) when you're coming down, the person you thought you fell in love with after whispering sweet nothings in each others arms all night, is transformed into a 'coming down' monster. That phone number of the clubber who gave you their number while grinning just a little too much that you met in the park completely failed to live up to their expectations of the previous night. They looked as disappointed as you did. Under the influence will warp their behaviour and your perception, though it won't give you a hangover on the next morning, which we're all thoroughly thankful of.
#3 Sporting Events
Men: You're not there to find romance. You're there to see your team destroy the other team. If theres some blood, all the better.
Women: You're here because you've made some quality time to spend with your loved one. If only you could find him in the monster that hes turned into while the game is in session. Any female that can distract a man while hes watching his team at a game is obviously quality and should not be overlooked.
There you go wistful loveseekers and incurable romantics. Three places to strike off your list in your pursuit of happiness.
Maybe you're just looking in the wrong place? Here's a friendly list of places where not to meet Mr/s Right.
#1 The Internet
Maybe you struck up a conversation with someone you met over the internet. Then you were having your Sunday bath and you found yourself thinking of them. Uh-oh! Mistake!
As everyone knows, sex is the most searched subject on the internet by a long way. If you're thinking, 'Hey, sex is love isn't it?' then you're on the wrong page and ought to move to 'Where to find sex' (in progress). The whole 'lust' and 'love' terms have been well misunderstood since the dawn of time, but is important to draw the distinction here. And it is this misunderstanding that sends us on our merry jaunts on that fabulous rollercoaster called love.
Firstly, the internet is a very ambiguous form of communication. There's no touch, no voice tone, no body language, a whole world of misconveyance and miscommunication waiting to happen. Text is an imperfect medium for expressing such deep emotions. Take note of the two examples below.
"As I gazed up into her bright blue eyes, I felt a warmth welling up from my tummy and spreading to every tip of my body. When she smiled at me, my heart sung and I held her close wishing no more of the world"
"As I waited in apprehension for each chat message to appear on-screen, I could feel the pounding of each key you pressed echoing my heart beat. When it finally came through (you type slowly and typo a lot) I read it and felt.... nothing."
Secondly, logistics. They're in Iceland, you're in Antartica. You do the math.
Thirdly, what you don't know about them can surprise you. They have no references, who you think is the love of your life could be a group of three bored twelve year old's bored on a Saturday night. That dishy guy that sent you his photo looks suspiciously like Tom Cruise. That sweet tenderhearted girl who sent you a picture of herself naked is actually a guy. Sincerity is easily avoidable in a text world where the face-to-face barriers are removed.
#2 Bars and Clubs
People looking for romance in bar's or clubs are often sadly disappointed. A well known hangout for sleazy peoples on whom the concept of love and romance was broken a long time ago. If you're looking for sex, then this is probably a great place to start, but thats another subject matter (in progress)...
That person trying to attract your attention isn't wondering what your stance on vegetarianism is. They're thinking of only one thing, and how fast they think they're able to get to know you in a carnal way. They're not going to care what you say or do, though shall not let this on, nodding and smiling enthusiastically from any crap you may be spouting. You say 'All people who like carrots ought to be shot' and it invokes an agreeable response. If you could read minds, you could tell that they were only wondering what colour your underwear is. They are likened to a condemned person being measured excitedly by an undertaker for an extremely profitable coffin that will buy them that new boat they were looking at last week. They're probably already thinking of ways to have sex in the toilets, or wondering where they're going to put your notch on their bedhead.
Drinking helps and hinders the situation... complicates it. Inhibitions are forgotten around about the 5th pint, though this number is variable on person to person. The more you drink, darn-it-all the better people start to look. A few too many pints and you could be waking up in the morning, your romantic ambitions perhaps a little more crushed than yesterday when you recall your events from the previous night (if you can) or worse, inevitability hearing them from someone else (who normally takes delight in it, and you're certain they'll tell everyone else too) or even worse, waking up next to that sleazy horndog you were certain you'd been telling to bugger off all night.
Clubs are a little different. You may enjoy dancing and the 'E' culture in common, but because of the extreme artificialness of the situation (even if you are having the best time of your life) when you're coming down, the person you thought you fell in love with after whispering sweet nothings in each others arms all night, is transformed into a 'coming down' monster. That phone number of the clubber who gave you their number while grinning just a little too much that you met in the park completely failed to live up to their expectations of the previous night. They looked as disappointed as you did. Under the influence will warp their behaviour and your perception, though it won't give you a hangover on the next morning, which we're all thoroughly thankful of.
#3 Sporting Events
Men: You're not there to find romance. You're there to see your team destroy the other team. If theres some blood, all the better.
Women: You're here because you've made some quality time to spend with your loved one. If only you could find him in the monster that hes turned into while the game is in session. Any female that can distract a man while hes watching his team at a game is obviously quality and should not be overlooked.
There you go wistful loveseekers and incurable romantics. Three places to strike off your list in your pursuit of happiness.
