Death: What happens when you kick the metaphorical bucket
Created | Updated Oct 20, 2010
One common question that all Earthlings seem to want the answer to is:
“What happens when we die?”
I, Zyrania Jinara of the planet Zapphire, have the answer, and will clear up this little problem. The answer is:
ANYTHING!
Well, not anything. I mean, it’d be a bit stupid if your body turned into a giant purple and green elephant and tap-danced out of the church during the funeral, wouldn’t it?
So a certain number of things happen.
“What are they?”
I hear you ask. Well, it all depends on the positioning of the nearby universes, galaxies and wormholes that are passing by. And it’s got some stuff to do with spirits. Well, a lot to do with spirits actually – your body just stays where it is and decomposes. It’s pretty disgusting. And by spirit I mean essence of being. Who you are. It’s like the ‘aura’ that psychics and people like that are always going on about. Anyway, back to the plot.
Depending on all these things, the essence of being (which I will now call EOB) does one of three things. N.B. This doesn’t happen on all planets, Earth just seems to be in a bit of a holy (like with holes in) place.
“What are these three things?”
The Three Things
Okay, here goes.
Number One
Your EOB slips through the thin matter of in-between-space or a wormhole and falls into another universe, where it will – sorry – you will float around happily (or unhappily depending on where you land.) Also, in some places, your EOB will materialise or possess a body or organism and then you’ll be able to touch things again. It’s this sort of thing that began evolution. Who knows, you might end up being the founder of a whole new race!Number Two
Your EOB remains on Earth and you’re destined to walk the Earth for all eternity (or until it blows up or gets demolished). This is the phenomenon humans commonly refer to as ghosts.Number Three
Your EOB gets whipped through a wormhole, and is plopped back on Earth, but in the future (or past, but mostly future) and possesses a new-born baby. Unfortunately, all the wormholing you have to go through erases memories of your past life to your conscious self, and can only really be recalled by hypnosis. Hence when people discover they have a ‘past life’.So, there you have it. The answer. Share and enjoy.
