Driving in New York City
Created | Updated Mar 5, 2002
There is one basic rule for all visitors to New York who experience a strong desire to drive a car on the streets of the city -- don't. Driving in New York turns you into a mean, selfish, violent and generally upset individual even if you are a member of the Mother Teresa Foundation. If you are set on driving in the city, remember these pointers.
1. Taxi drivers are truly messengers of the Devil and will never admit that they are wrong. They will cut you off with the slightest of margins for error but will almost always miraculously fit, upsetting you and only reinforcing your belief in their infernal origin.
2. Everybody who is not in the car with you is your enemy. If you think of pedestrians as harmless, defenseless creatures who should be given the right of way, you're wrong. The best thing you can do for anybody who is walking in your way is try to make it clear that they are engaging in a dangerous activity by honking, lowering your window and screaming incoherently. All this while keeping their welfare in mind, of course.
3. If you see a police car, pretend like you haven't done anything wrong. The fact is, from their point of view, you are guilty you just don't know it yet.
4. If you are French or come from any other country with sporadic parking laws remember that parking in New York is regulated. More accurately, it is yet another means to frustrate the masses because there is an obvious shortage of parking. Plans to tear down Central Park and replace it with a parking garage are certain to be rejected by the city officials who want to preserve the image of the City That Never Sleeps by having dejected drivers look for parking into the wee hours of the morning.
1. Taxi drivers are truly messengers of the Devil and will never admit that they are wrong. They will cut you off with the slightest of margins for error but will almost always miraculously fit, upsetting you and only reinforcing your belief in their infernal origin.
2. Everybody who is not in the car with you is your enemy. If you think of pedestrians as harmless, defenseless creatures who should be given the right of way, you're wrong. The best thing you can do for anybody who is walking in your way is try to make it clear that they are engaging in a dangerous activity by honking, lowering your window and screaming incoherently. All this while keeping their welfare in mind, of course.
3. If you see a police car, pretend like you haven't done anything wrong. The fact is, from their point of view, you are guilty you just don't know it yet.
4. If you are French or come from any other country with sporadic parking laws remember that parking in New York is regulated. More accurately, it is yet another means to frustrate the masses because there is an obvious shortage of parking. Plans to tear down Central Park and replace it with a parking garage are certain to be rejected by the city officials who want to preserve the image of the City That Never Sleeps by having dejected drivers look for parking into the wee hours of the morning.
