Microsoft Support

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When calling Microsoft support, remember these handy names:

Bill Gates
Jim Allchin
Steve Ballmer
Brad Chase

By claiming you are related to them, that they told you your problem was a bug, and that they'll have the techie's job for this if you stuff them around, you are guaranteed to receive better service.

Other top tips:
- Claim the CMOS battery has run out as a direct result of using Windows.
- Ignore techs telling you to clean off the viruses before expecting anything to work; it's a Windows bug.
- Cling to one burning principle: They're Microsoft. They're wrong.
If something the tech says makes perfect sense, argue the point. Do not follow his instructions. Doing so is the first step down the dark path.
- Deny that "Primary HDD controller failure", "RAM is faulty at xxxx" or failure to power-on are hardware problems, find some way of blaming Windows. The technician will like you and respect you for this.

All from my personal experience.

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