Cigarettes
Created | Updated Mar 10, 2002
Cigarettes are smallish white cylinders, filled with the dried leaves of the tobacco plant. When smoked, they have the addictive value of heroin, and the narcotic value of about half an asprin. They are also phenomenally carginogenic, as well as carrying all the health risks normally associated with gluing one's mouth to the exhaust pipe of a locomotive.
In a uniquely human act of stupidity, countless teenagers begin to smoke cigarettes each year, with the anticipated effect of 'hipness'.
Typically the 'hip' effect lasts a few years, and is directly followed by the 'can't ascend a simple flight of stairs' effect. This is in turn followed by the 'coughing up blood in the chemotherapy unit of the local hospital' effect.
Some users of cigarettes, especially in the United States, have found that the producers of cigarettes, who tend to be quite wealthy, can be held financially responsible for the costs associated with smoking. This is due to rise of a school of legal thought which posits that whenever anyone does anything stupid, someone else should have to pay.
Something perhaps of special interest to some of our more lurid hitchhikers is a recent phenomenon of 'cigarette pornography'. This is a type of erotic film in which beautiful women are shown smoking cigarettes. (See also: Oral Fixation). Apparently smoking has now joned sex as one of those things which we pretend is taboo in order to arouse ourselves, in spite of the fact that we see it or do it every day.
For the North American hitchhiker, there is great deviation to be found in the degree to which people will tolerate the act of smoking. If the hiker is a smoker, a general rule of thumb to note is that she is a greater social pariah the further West she goes. For instance, in Montreal there is a much-cited myth that there exists such thing as a non-smoking environment. Due to certain legislatory quirks, many merchants are forced to place 'No Smoking' signs in their Montreal establishments. The visitor to Montreal can ignore these signs at will. By contrast, the mere possesion of a cigarette in Vancouver is an offense punishable by absolute ostracism. The people of some West-coast communities are actually able to, with a straight face, prohibit smoking in bars. On most other continents, people have found an equitable compromise somewhere between the two attitudes. North Americans, as we know, are not overly adept at compromise.
Why Smoke?
In a uniquely human act of stupidity, countless teenagers begin to smoke cigarettes each year, with the anticipated effect of 'hipness'.
Typically the 'hip' effect lasts a few years, and is directly followed by the 'can't ascend a simple flight of stairs' effect. This is in turn followed by the 'coughing up blood in the chemotherapy unit of the local hospital' effect.
Legal implications
Some users of cigarettes, especially in the United States, have found that the producers of cigarettes, who tend to be quite wealthy, can be held financially responsible for the costs associated with smoking. This is due to rise of a school of legal thought which posits that whenever anyone does anything stupid, someone else should have to pay.
Adults Only
Something perhaps of special interest to some of our more lurid hitchhikers is a recent phenomenon of 'cigarette pornography'. This is a type of erotic film in which beautiful women are shown smoking cigarettes. (See also: Oral Fixation). Apparently smoking has now joned sex as one of those things which we pretend is taboo in order to arouse ourselves, in spite of the fact that we see it or do it every day.
Social Implications
For the North American hitchhiker, there is great deviation to be found in the degree to which people will tolerate the act of smoking. If the hiker is a smoker, a general rule of thumb to note is that she is a greater social pariah the further West she goes. For instance, in Montreal there is a much-cited myth that there exists such thing as a non-smoking environment. Due to certain legislatory quirks, many merchants are forced to place 'No Smoking' signs in their Montreal establishments. The visitor to Montreal can ignore these signs at will. By contrast, the mere possesion of a cigarette in Vancouver is an offense punishable by absolute ostracism. The people of some West-coast communities are actually able to, with a straight face, prohibit smoking in bars. On most other continents, people have found an equitable compromise somewhere between the two attitudes. North Americans, as we know, are not overly adept at compromise.
