The Chip Pan-Urban Terror Weapon Or What?
Created | Updated Mar 14, 2002
Yesterday, it was revealed that the Government has unveiled new Public Safety measures in the light of recent Terrorist activities. In a new Campaign, spearheaded by a Major Celebrity, the private owner ship of Chip Pans will be outlawed. Yes, Guys, no longer will you be able to stagger home from the pub, fall into the kitchen and cook up three pounds of chips. It seems that some people have been putting the old chips on full heat, then COMPLETELY FORGETTING that they'd done it.
And get this, kids! After discovering the blazing inferno they'd created, you know what they do next? THEY STICK IT UNDER THE TAP! Seriously!
Well obviously People have to be protected from Themselves. I assume that there will now be a Police amnesty for us all to hand in our chip pans without prosecution, shopkeepers will report customers who whisper, "Do you have any, you know, Mazola under the counter?" to them, and Potato farmers will be bankrupted.
An Official Spokesperson commented; "They can have oven chips." There may be many things in oven chips, but if flavour is anything to go by, potato aint one of them.
Many observers feel that this action will only lead to an underground Black Market in pans. Others are worried that the only people who will be in possession of pans will be the criminal elements. This correspondent thinks that a form of Licensing would be a better route, with regular Police inspections to ensure that the pans are kept in secure steel cabinets, with cooking oil, potatoes, and other chippy paraphenalia locked up in seperate areas, and the young, silly and seriously deranged only allowed to use them under direct supervision at an accredited Pan Club.
And get this, kids! After discovering the blazing inferno they'd created, you know what they do next? THEY STICK IT UNDER THE TAP! Seriously!
Well obviously People have to be protected from Themselves. I assume that there will now be a Police amnesty for us all to hand in our chip pans without prosecution, shopkeepers will report customers who whisper, "Do you have any, you know, Mazola under the counter?" to them, and Potato farmers will be bankrupted.
An Official Spokesperson commented; "They can have oven chips." There may be many things in oven chips, but if flavour is anything to go by, potato aint one of them.
Many observers feel that this action will only lead to an underground Black Market in pans. Others are worried that the only people who will be in possession of pans will be the criminal elements. This correspondent thinks that a form of Licensing would be a better route, with regular Police inspections to ensure that the pans are kept in secure steel cabinets, with cooking oil, potatoes, and other chippy paraphenalia locked up in seperate areas, and the young, silly and seriously deranged only allowed to use them under direct supervision at an accredited Pan Club.
