We left on 2 Sep 2006, managed to get rolling by 10 AM. Then we had to roll back because I never printed a map or directions to EWTN Catholic TV network "pilgrimage" site. So we turned back after a mile, booted up, wrote all that shit down off the computer, and we finally got rolling by 10:30 AM.

I missed the turn for I-69 south, had to drive an extra five miles to the next exit. I heard they give $500 fines for turning around in an "Authorized vehicles only" driveway.

I-69 southbound in Fremont, IN. Maybe 3 to 4 miles outside of Michigan, couldn't have been more than 100 or 150 miles from home, the car starts slowing without my changing pressure on the gas pedal. I hit the gas harder and harder til it's floored, with no effect. I pull off to the shoulder before it coasts to a stop. Turning off the radio & fan, I notice the engine is silent. I turn the key. It's not dead. It's trying to start but won't catch. [Ask somebody what it means for the engine to "turn over." Does that mean when it catches and starts, or when it makes that Rur rur rur rur noise before it catches?]

Just for kicks, I open the hood and look for any giant glaring problems that a non-mechanical pre-layman might notice, like a charred tube or a smoking hole or a belt dangling uselessly. Nothing obvious.

I turn on the hazards and start walking North with Melinda, because it looks like we're closer to that exit. But part of the highway is a bridge with narrow shoulders over a marshy creek. Mayber 3 feet between the lane and the guardrail. We're not going to walk a quarter mile down that with cars doing 70 less than an arm length away. Crossing to the other side of the highway would do no good because the shoulders are equally narrow.

We start walking south. To the west is a ditch, a high hill, and a fence with lots of trees and tangled brush. After a few hundred yards, I notice the hill winding down. In place of the brush and trees, there's a tobacco shop on the other side of the fence. I walk up and find a spot where the top strand of barbed wire is down and coax Melinda up to it. We'll hop the fence, ask for the nearest pay phone, maybe walk down the feeder road to some business.

Melinda says no, they'll shoot us. We can't hop the fence. But she doesn't want to walk down the highway alone after I make it clear I'm going over the fence. Is this the first farm fencing she's ever climbed over? City slicker!

At the tobacco shop [correction: discount cigarette store. The kind of place where Michiganders evade high cig taxes by crossing over into Indiana, buying a bunch of cartons at lower tax rate, and bringing them back north.], they tell us the nearest payphone is down at the corner. We head that way, north up the feeder road. Melinda says, "Why didn't we just ask to use their phone?" I don't know.

So we walk down, call a tow truck. Notice that it's late 2006 and our protagonist is not an early adopter of cell phone technology. On the way back, we find a path through to the corner of that bridge and get to the car pretty quickly.

A cop pulls over to ask what's up. I explain. He says he'll call it in and make sure the tow truck can find us. Gold Star Wrecker and Repair Service.

A flatbed tow truck gets the car. I didn't notice our rear passenger tire flat when we pulled over, but it was when it got on the tow truck. It looked pretty bald so I didn't complain or question it. The driver guesses we might have a broken timing belt.

Back at Gold Star Wrecking, Recovery & Repair, they check it out for a while. Inside the office is a huge mural of the owner "Big John" seated in the Mother Ship, their largest red semi-towing truck. Even though Big John in real life looks like the grumpy father from Escanaba in Da Moonlight and Fargo, I'm hoping that anyone playful enough to commission this mural and display dozens of model trucks on shelves around the office is not going to be a hard-ass, and he won't charge $1000 for a broken cotter pin. [Do they even use cotter pins in cars? Did they ever? This is another demonstration of how little I know about cars, in case you needed more proof.] On the front counter, they display a framed photo of Big John smiling in front of the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile in tow.

We got there around 11:30 or noon. By 4 pm, Melinda & I were debating whether to cancel our reservations in Nashville (still 8-9 hours away). They told us it should be done that day, shouldn't take two days. It looked like the fuel pump had crapped out, a slow oil leak was getting worse, and the catalytic converter needed to be replaced. An exhaust leak at the oxygen sensor and catalytic converter was not safe since oil could leak down to that point and ignite. At first they planned to get gaskets and fix the leak, leaving the catalytic converter to be fixed some other time. But the parts shop supposedly sent the wrong gaskets. To make it roadsafe, they welded the exhaust leak and advised me to check and add oil frequently until I could get it fixed.

None of that came clear until the end. We were pretty much in suspense until 5 pm when Big John said it was all done. He had told me what they thought the problems were, but gave no specific ETA on when it would be done or how much it might cost. He probably wouldn't have told us much at all except Melinda asked questions.

At one point, Melinda asked if Big John would give us an estimate of how much it might be. He mumbled and didn't clearly answer. Melinda said she was sorry and walked outside to smoke. (I think right after we arrived in the office, the tow truck driver handed me a form to sign, which said "I approve of the above repairs being made" and a big empty section above where the estimate and repairs should have been listed. I signed it without asking them to fill in that stuff, so they presumably took it to mean that no detailed estimate was needed or expected until the whole thing was finished. Technically my fault, but if this shop was in my home town, I wouldn't give them repeat business.) I'm guessing that at the time Melinda asked about it, he felt "estimate" was the phrase you bring up when you want to back out and get a second opinion at some other shop. Also people hear Melinda's voice and think it's acceptable to ignore her like they would ignore a child.

How often do women get ignored when stepping up to counters for service? That's gotta be frustrating.

It turned out to be $569.00 plus $20 for the tire. They forgot to add the tire to the bill and had to run my credit card a second time. Maybe they were forgetful with the car too. More about that later...

Big John said about halfway through the day that they had run into some kind of "electrical problem" and never explained how that was resolved. From 1:30 to 3 pm, John left and only one mechanic seemed to be there. He came into the office, looked around for John and walked back into the shop. I heard the mechanic trying to start our car. It would try & try but wouldn't catch. When he gave up, he said, "Shit!" Later I noticed him getting in a pickup truck. Were they going to leave us all alone in the office? Should I pass up the opportunity to loot the place if this is how they're going to work on our car?

But he didn't leave. He looked under the hood of the truck, looked like he jump started it, then pulled it up to the front of the garage, so I'm guessing he was trying to jump our car. When I told him the story, Frank speculated that the mechanic had gotten as far as he could on our car without the parts he needed, and he started working on the next vehicle in line.

We cancelled reservations and drove until 9:30 or 10 before I started feeling drowsy. Couldn't even make it out of Indiana. We asked at a Holiday Inn Express and Hampton Inn south of Indianapolis, but they were sold out. Labor day weekend. Finally we stopped at Motel 6 in Seymour, IN.

3 Sep 2006. We were on the road by 10 AM, after driving our flat rear tire to a gas station to pump it up, then finding a Walmart tire shop that would repair it. They charged $19 and replaced the valve stem. If I had still been in Fremont, IN, I would have taken it back to Gold Star and asked them why it went flat the day after they replaced it.

I worried that we'd arrive late that night, but we pulled in to Collinsville by around 7 pm. Four armadillo roadkills. Why do I see more roadkill dogs in the South? Melinda said we could skip the "pilgrimage" to the Catholic TV network place in Birmingham, Alabama. Good, I won't have to sit in the parking lot until she's done looking around.

Melinda tried to play "Who's On First" with the clerk at Motel 6, who looked and sounded a lot like Buster Poindexter.

Clerk: You want a No Smoking room, right?

Melinda: No. Smoking.

Clerk: Right, okay...

I could see it coming so I said: Wait, Melinda, you do want a smoking room?

Melinda: Yeah.

Clerk: Oh! Okay.

7 SEP 2006. Spent $34 on books & comics at Books-A-Million. $30 at Crescent City Grill for lunch. Melinda had fried shrimp with fries & salad. I had Crawfish Etoufee. Mr Smith stayed home sick, but sounding better than he had the first few days we saw him. Also $12.XX on books and clothes at Mustard Seed Thrift store on 7th St in Meridian.

... Grandmother Smith fell and broke her hip a few days before we left Mich. We've been visiting her every night in the hospital. Might be a few more weeks before she can come home, or they might want her in the nursing home for a month or two. (It turned out that Grandmother went home a few days after we left, about the 13th of Sept.)

... Important note: Melinda's dad has a Hover-Round with a 42 inch mower deck.

... Seen in the suburbs north of Meridian, Mississippi: "Druid Hills United Methodist Church."