h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dear Sir(s),
I read with interest your account of this amazing new thingymajig and I am sure I agree it has unlimited potential to do something-or-other.
As a long time field researcher for the prestigious h2g2 website, I am offering completely free of charge to write a review of one of your fine doofers. Yes, gratis, no money required whatsoever.
If you agree to this, simply send one of your wotsits to *name and address supplied* and you'll have a full glowing review within h2g2 as soon as it has been submitted, left on a shelf, peer-reviewed, peer-edited, sub-edited, put back on a shelf and finally disregarded in favour of something equally futile.
Think of the free advertising you'll receive for your fantastic whatever-it-is. This kind of word of mouth is the kind you simply could not buy. And don't worry about the international market. The review will abound with references to American places, American TV shows, American artists and all topped off with a delicate layer of grated American spelling. This will ensure true global marketing in the only market any one cares about.

Yours faithfully,
Someone-or-other,
Somewhere.