The Beauty of Starbucks
Created | Updated Jul 19, 2006
That god of coffee chain-cafes, that everlasting (we wish) elixir of caffeine and more calories than will ever be healthy, Starbucks, where you cannot order a cup of coffee.
Excuse me? But you said this was a cafe which sells coffee-in fact, it is internationally known for selling coffee. And yet, you claim that it is impossible to get a cup of coffee?
True.
Example:
Walk into a Starbucks, anywhere; if you are NYC, then walk into a NYC Starbucks. If you are in Lebanon, walk into a Lebanonese Starbucks. If you are in Antartica, wait for ten years and then walk into an Antarctican Starbucks, because, although they don't yet exist in Antartica due to lack and population besides scientists and penguins, there is a good chance they will in the next ten years.
Go up the counter. Smile politely and exchange a few comments about the weather. ("Only -130 today, I was saying to Frank, that's pretty balmy.") Then, casually order a cup of coffee.
They will try and give you either a Tall, a Grande, or a Venti, because speaking English in an English speaking country is like being American in anywhere besides America--it will make you highly unpopular and is unadvisable.
Repeat your order for a cup of coffee.
They will try again to give you a Tall. You should not hold with this and demand a cup of coffee still. When they begin to tell you that the sizes are Tall, Grande, and Venti, pull out the coffee mug that you brought with you, slam it down on the counter, and scream at them to fill it up.
Afterwards, you should leave the Starbucks and never visit it again, as they probably will refuse to serve you and your ludicrous size ideas.
Excuse me? But you said this was a cafe which sells coffee-in fact, it is internationally known for selling coffee. And yet, you claim that it is impossible to get a cup of coffee?
True.
Example:
Walk into a Starbucks, anywhere; if you are NYC, then walk into a NYC Starbucks. If you are in Lebanon, walk into a Lebanonese Starbucks. If you are in Antartica, wait for ten years and then walk into an Antarctican Starbucks, because, although they don't yet exist in Antartica due to lack and population besides scientists and penguins, there is a good chance they will in the next ten years.
Go up the counter. Smile politely and exchange a few comments about the weather. ("Only -130 today, I was saying to Frank, that's pretty balmy.") Then, casually order a cup of coffee.
They will try and give you either a Tall, a Grande, or a Venti, because speaking English in an English speaking country is like being American in anywhere besides America--it will make you highly unpopular and is unadvisable.
Repeat your order for a cup of coffee.
They will try again to give you a Tall. You should not hold with this and demand a cup of coffee still. When they begin to tell you that the sizes are Tall, Grande, and Venti, pull out the coffee mug that you brought with you, slam it down on the counter, and scream at them to fill it up.
Afterwards, you should leave the Starbucks and never visit it again, as they probably will refuse to serve you and your ludicrous size ideas.
