Harold Holt (Australian Prime Minister 1966-67)

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Harold Holt was an Australian prime minister, which, while making him more interesting than you probably are, doesn't make him all
that special. What does make him interesting, pupils, is that he went swimming and did not return. His body was never found and
thus he was assumed drowned in 1967.

What was more interesting than that, was that anybody cared. There was quite some controversy over it at the time I believe, which is
a bit strange, as he was the prime minister of Australia. Now, we know that if you're the president of the USA you can blow your nose
for publicity, but Australia's situation on the world political scene is not exactly what you'd call superpower-style. People just don't
care. I mean look at Bob Hawke's (another ex-prime minister) wife. She's had to resort to selling painkillers on television for publicity.
Apparently we're supposed to trust her, but I don't think anybody trusted her husband during his reign as P.M.. So for anyone to care
that he died, even in such a way that his body was missing, just was not normal behaviour for the Australian populace. Looking at our
current state of affairs, do you think it really matters to us that we have no leadership?1
Just as interesting are the conspiracy theories that arose. Some people said that he was so troubled by his political problems, rumors
about the marriges of his three sons2 and the death of his brother Cliff. Other rumors say that he wished to make his
premonition of not living beyond sixty come true. And most fascinatingly, that Russians came and abducted him in a submarine, or
indeed that he was a spy and the submarine abduction was part of a Soviet intelligence program.

The Soviet spy theory has some merit, as I believe this was during the Vietnam War and as such the Australian Prime Minister may
have been in a position to find out about US military plans. Of course, since the US probably didn't really care about Australia's
meagre involvement, he would have to read of them through the papers just like everyone else. These papers may not have been
availiable in Communist Russia, but they certainly would have been avaliable to the Russian embassy. Actually, it's just stupid. I'm
sorry then, it actually has no merit.

These conspiracy theories are also not incredibly well thought out, either, as if you have seen the beach at which the man was
swimming from in the water, you are likely shark food too. It's bloody dangerous. Now, looking at photos of the man, I can tell you that
he wasn't fit enough to clear the waves' break. I'm sorry, it just aint viable3. And the sub certainly wouldn't have made
it through to pick him up. So I think he just drowned, like the boring old Australian that he was, and became a statistic in the Surf
Lifesaving Annual.

Apart from that, he's rather unremarkable.1: Oooh! Look! I can do political satire!!!
2: Not the television program. Reality. For more information on reality, see Teletubbies.
3: Actually, the waves might have let him through, seeing as he was unimportant enough to be P.M. of Australia. They probably pitied him.

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