A Great Story
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
something odd in the sky. At first he could not identify it, but then he realized it was the ship of the dreaded Viagrans.
They were called this because they were constantly on viagra for some strange reason?? Frank watched it for a few
minutes until he realized it was headed straight for him at a incredible rate of speed. The ship approached quicker
and quicker until it was right on top of him.
Frank mumbled "Oh shiiiiit!!!!!!!!!!" And the Viagrans aimed their ultimate ion lasers, known for their absolute
destruction of the target and surrounding relatives within 55 miles. Most people find this quite funny and laugh hard
anytime it happens.
The ship aimed its guns and Frank was blown up with the force of a 50 megaton nuclear bomb and was
launched, while on fire, out of the atmosphere, dying instantly when he hit 67.8 million miles per second. The
government bureau for alien random acts of violence, code named BORED, God only knows why since they are
always way too busy, monitor this whole activity and issue a citation to the Viagran captain.
The Viagran captain, upon receiving this citation, laughs and throws it on the current pile for this month.
The pile has an estimated 3,456,678 citations on it, making the captain owe 456,765,876,987 dollars currently. Most
aliens don't pay these any attention because they are never enforced for some ungodly reason. BORED claims they
are too overworked to handle it, but we know they are just lame. BORED located on Sorcane 54 is run by the
U.S. government and the employees like to go to the Café at the Weird Kinda Intersection of the Universe. This café
is some where in the middle of no where, no one knows where it is??
Anyway, the Viagran captain continues on his daily spree of killing anyone for any reason, or just for the fun
of it. The Viagrans reached another planet named Butt 6 where a mild manured accountant was having lunch. Now
although these people are not people, they are actually living remote controls, they lead normal everyday lives just
like Cortanians. Now you may ask who Cortainians are, they are just like smart colors but act like us. You must also
take into account that the captain seems to be only killing manured accountants on odd planets. You will see that
this is mission that he is on.
Now back to our story. Now the Captain has reached Butt 6, they approach Meme, the manured accountant
that I mentioned slightly earlier. Now this time he did not use his Ion lasers, but he used his BUTT cannon, this
cannon fires a smelly obnoxious fume that smells like mountain fresh lysol, so you see the inhabitants all smell like
manure so it fills him painfully and slowly. Now on the ship the captain and his crew of viagra over users laughs hard
You now see the direction of this story, oh and yes this is true it really happened it never, never land that
you think exists, even thought it only exists in your own mind. Ah but there will be a twist later on, ooooooohhhhhhh.
Now back at BORED they issued another citation, this one makes the captain owe, 657,765,456,900 dollars
currently, sick isn't it. The captain gets it and laughs so hard he almost had a seizure laughing at it. He sends a
message to BORED which reads: I don't believe you keep sending me these you idiots, numbnuts. What do you think
I am going to do, pay it!?! Ha Ha you must be kidding yourselves just a little to much. Ha Ha Ha, oh its just to funny to
say the rest that I was going to. Now of course this was said in Viagran, which only Viagrans can understand, since it is
such a weird garble of what they used to speak until the invention of VIAGRA, the wonder drug.
Frank, who as you know, died at the beginning of this story has decided to come back to life as a deadly
anti viagra virus. You can only guess as to what he is going to do once he catches up to the captain. If you can't you
must not have been paying any attention to me. Now Frank is this virus and he is flying through space at an
unbelievably slow rate, he is passed by a flying space monkey, and trust me if you have not seen one in action, they
The captain who has no stopped at the Café at the Weird Kinda Intersection of the Universe, which I do not
know how he found since only the things at BORED knew were it was, oh well, it is really unimportant. Yes it is, its
damn important, I want to know how he found it.
"I found it by setting the direction to somewhere in the middle of no where, duuuu."
Smart mass. Now the captain leaves and just so happens to pass right into Frank, now Frank passes right
through the hull and starts affecting random Viagrans. He is of course issued a citation by BORED. The captain is
notified that his crew is dropping like Hermainian waterat monkeys, he quickly rushes to his escape ship. This ship is
armed with 45 super ion lasers and the captain is not afraid to use them. He has his first officer transfer the list of
manured accountants while he is in flight and far away from the ship.
The captain got his list and headed on to the next target. Oh yea when all the Viagrans died, Frank also
did. BORED realizing that the ship's crew has now all died sends out a team to investigate. The team returns in 5
minutes to report that they found nothing, pretty amazing since the ship was fifty minutes away by super hypergalactic
travel drive. All BORED ships are equipped with this punch card destination taker, it usually takes 500 cards to input
a destination, a marked improvement over the last model, which took paper carved chips. The chips were about the
size of a norcain record, in our term 37.67 feet across.
The captain is now zooming away at the speed of a freeking paper wholer. He is headed toward the home
planet of the Frank, Frank 2.4356, located near the home of Frank. The captain has learned that 93 manured
accountants live there, and he has planned to kill them all, eventually, you see he is working in alphabetical order.
The captain starts hmming a song that goes something like this: Oh the flying rats of old, the teary peering legs of
gooky fehter, I wish it was the time of ohhhh.
It is a beautiful day on the shore of the flix ocean near frreee city. A accountant lives here, but he changed
from manured to mannered accountant. Now he wished that he knew this but he didn't so the captain flew in and
armed his super ion cannons and blew him away. Now you may think this is dragging on, but I believe the rest if not
funny will be quiet intellectually stimulating.
Now if you understand the physics of atmospheric reentry, you will see that the captains ship can no longer
stand the force of reentry. The next planet that our fair captain reaches will be his last!! BORED wondering what has
happened to the captain sends him a letter. The letter which was so funny I could not repeat it if my life depended
on it. The basic mist of the letter had something to do with latex and a super whorian space winch.
Super whorian space winches are odd creatures used to derive sexual pleasure from its user, but
unfortunately deadly to Viagrans since they are already over sexed, none the less the captain and I got a good laugh
out of it. BORED never sent another letter like that to anyone because of the political scandal it caused the captain.
The scene is Plaxian and Sid is driving his computer mouse to work, his job, what else but a manured
accountant, sees this flaming ship come crashing toward him. He stops, wondering what this is, not knowing it is the
captain on a death mission, watches as it approaches him. The captain in a raging fit slams on the accelerator and
kills this mild manured accountant in his last moments of life.
Now the captain dead, and Frank is dead, and Frank still wants revenge for his untimely death, even though
he likes the after life. Frank sensing somehow that the captain is dead searches him out. Weeks later around the
space of a flying zebra colony, they meet for the first time in the nether life. Weme and Frank meet and fall in
lovvvvve. The irony of this is that she knows were the captain is and Frank goes and exacts his revenge from the
captain in a unimaginable way. Frank hugs him and thanks the captain for killing him, since if it was not for the
captain he would not have met Weme. Oh yea BORED was dissolved three years later thanks to the unpaid citations
of the captain.