The hooverbs
Created | Updated Nov 7, 2005
1:1 The Hooverbs of nighthoover, the father of Vaccuman, king of the small spaces at the back of pieces of furniture where much Dust does collect, created as a consequence of the skirting board being proud of the wall by half an inch, therefore having the effect of preventing furniture from sitting flush with the wall; The one true son of the one true bob, all round good prophet, and wonderous and most yea and merrily so sucketh prophet, oh yea;
1:2 Too know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of the Prophet;
1:3 To receive the instruction of the Prophet nighthoover, to hoover, and possess Nighthooverability Hooverability, and Nighthooverlyness;
1:4 To give Dust-free stasis to the Dust-ridden, to the Nonnighthooverly man Nighthooverability and Nighthooverlyness. To sucketh most mrrily so, oh yea;
1:5 A wise man will hoover, and will increase nighthooverability; and a man of nighthooverability shall attain unto wise Hooverlyness and Nighthooverlyness:
1:6 To understand Hoover, Hooverlyness,, Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability, and the interpretation; the words of the Prophet, and their Nighthooverly and Hooverable sayings.
1:7 The fear of the Dust is the beginning of Hooverness: but fools despise Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability. For the unnighthooverly, the fools, oh yea, not them sucketh mightily in the kingdom of the hoover, for as such it is so, oh yea;
1:8 My son, hear the instruction of Nighthoover, and forsake not the law of thy Hoover:
1:9 For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck. And merrily those that not entangle thi hoover leads, oh yea;
1:10 My son, if Nonnighthooverly sinners entice thee, consent thou not.
1:11 If they say, Come with us, let us lay wait for dark and dank filth, let us lurk presently for the Hoover-innocent without cause:
1:12 Let us swallow them up alive as the dirt; and whole, as those that go down into the pub:
1:13 We shall find all precious substance, we shall fill our houses with Hoover:
1:14 Cast in thy hoover among us; let us all have one Hoovermandment:
1:15 My son, walk not thou in the way with them and their dark dank filth of much Dust; refrain thy foot from their Dust-ridden path, and sucketh mightly and merril so, oh yea:
1:16 For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed Dust.
1:17 Surely in vain the hoover is spread in the Guide of any Dust ridden except for those that Devote.
1:18 And they lay wait for their own Dust; they lurk privately for their own Nonnighthooverlyness.
1:19 So are the ways of everyone that is greedy for Nonnighthooverlyness; which taketh away the life of the owners thereof.
1:20 Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets:
1:21 She crieth nighthoover in the chief place of Hooverability, in the openings of the skirting board: in the city she uttereth her words, saying,
1:22 How long, ye simple ones, will ye loath Hooverability and the Prophet? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate all that is hoover and hooverable in its endorsements and mask. And sucketh not th eunnighthooverly, mrily so it be seen, and despise, oh yea,
1:23 Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my Nighthooverlyness unto you, I will make known my Nighthooverability unto you.
1:24 Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my Hoover, and no man regarded;
1:25 But ye have set at nought all my nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, and would none of my reproof:
1:26 I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your Dust-fear cometh;
1:27 When your hoover-fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a Non-Hooverable spirit; when distress and Dust cometh upon you.
1:28 Then shall they call upon the Prophet, but the Prophet will not answer; they shall seek the Prophet early, but they shall not find the Prophet:
1:29 For that they hated Nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, and Nighthoovermandments of the mighty one, and did not choose the fear of the non-hooverly dust-removal products, they did not, basically, maan, sucketh as mightly as merrily so the ones that say ‘yea’, a thousand times:
1:30 They would hear none of the Prophet, nor that of the High Priest and his most Nighthooverly, Nighthooverable and Nighthoovermantra counsel: they despised all the Hoovery Nighthooverness and nighthooverability of the Prophet, the high priest and the Devotees.
1:31 Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own Dust, and be filled with their own Dust filfth and general all round dirt that hath collected through their non-Nighthooverly mannerisms.
1:32 For the turning away of the Prophets declared High Priest shall slay them, and for those who do not recognise that the High Priest speaketh of the Prophet in truths shall be destroyed in turns of Dust.
1:33 But whoever so hear come unto the rule, and words of the Prophet nighthoover, shall dwell safely, and shall be free from the fear of the evil, Dark, Dank, filth of the Dust, which otherwise lay waste to the non-believers in their NonNighthooverly ways of Nonnighthooverlyness. For yea, they not sucketh mightily at all, to be sure to be sure.
2:1 My son, if thou wilt receive my hoover, and hide my hoovermmandments with thee;
2:2 So that thou incline thine ear unto Nighthooverability, and apply thine heart to the way of the Hoover that cometh at night;
2:3 Yea, if thou search after Nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, Nighthooverly ways and the one true mighty prophet called Nighthoover, that is of the highest Nighthooverability of all, and liftest up thy voice for the Prophet;
2:4 If thou seekest Nighthooverlyness as silver, and searchest for Nighthoover and Nighthooverability as for hid treasures;
2:5 Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Prophet’s words, and find the Nighthooverability hooverly ways and Nighthooverlyness in truth of Nighthoover.
2:6 For the prophet Nighthoover giveth Nighthooverability: out of Nighthoover’s Hoover cometh Nighthooverlyness and Hooverable things of all manner, freedom from Dark, Dank filth of that which be Dust. Forget ye not, that for all the thousand yeas is the nighthooverly way, and forget ye not as well, that the prophet sucketh most mightily of all, even moreso that the high priest, oh yea, believe it or not.
2:7 Nighthoover layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: Nighthoover is a buckler to them that walk uprightly.
2:8 Nighthoover keepeth the paths of judgment, and preserveth the way of the Hoover of nighthooverability, hooverly ways and Nighthooverly peoples. For, oh yea, hoppie and most excellent be this, kid ye not peoples.
2:9 Then shalt thou understand righteousness, and Hooverability, and the way of the Hoover; yea, every good Hoover.
2:10 When Nighthooverability and Hooverrlyness enter into thine heart, and Hoover is pleasant unto thy soul;
2:11 Discretion shall preserve thee, Nighthooverability shall keep thee:
2:12 To deliver thee from the way of the evil Unnighthooverly man, from the man that speaketh of Dust things;
2:13 Who leave the paths of Nighthooverability, to walk in the ways of Dust and dank really rather horrible dirt;
2:14 Who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the unnighthooverlinessness of the non believers, and sucketh most frequently and merrily mightly so as such one can;
2:15 Whose ways are dirtyed, and they are Unhooverly in their paths:
2:16 To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with Hoover words;
2:17 Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her Nighthooverlyness.
1:2 Too know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of the Prophet;
1:3 To receive the instruction of the Prophet nighthoover, to hoover, and possess Nighthooverability Hooverability, and Nighthooverlyness;
1:4 To give Dust-free stasis to the Dust-ridden, to the Nonnighthooverly man Nighthooverability and Nighthooverlyness. To sucketh most mrrily so, oh yea;
1:5 A wise man will hoover, and will increase nighthooverability; and a man of nighthooverability shall attain unto wise Hooverlyness and Nighthooverlyness:
1:6 To understand Hoover, Hooverlyness,, Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability, and the interpretation; the words of the Prophet, and their Nighthooverly and Hooverable sayings.
1:7 The fear of the Dust is the beginning of Hooverness: but fools despise Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability. For the unnighthooverly, the fools, oh yea, not them sucketh mightily in the kingdom of the hoover, for as such it is so, oh yea;
1:8 My son, hear the instruction of Nighthoover, and forsake not the law of thy Hoover:
1:9 For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck. And merrily those that not entangle thi hoover leads, oh yea;
1:10 My son, if Nonnighthooverly sinners entice thee, consent thou not.
1:11 If they say, Come with us, let us lay wait for dark and dank filth, let us lurk presently for the Hoover-innocent without cause:
1:12 Let us swallow them up alive as the dirt; and whole, as those that go down into the pub:
1:13 We shall find all precious substance, we shall fill our houses with Hoover:
1:14 Cast in thy hoover among us; let us all have one Hoovermandment:
1:15 My son, walk not thou in the way with them and their dark dank filth of much Dust; refrain thy foot from their Dust-ridden path, and sucketh mightly and merril so, oh yea:
1:16 For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed Dust.
1:17 Surely in vain the hoover is spread in the Guide of any Dust ridden except for those that Devote.
1:18 And they lay wait for their own Dust; they lurk privately for their own Nonnighthooverlyness.
1:19 So are the ways of everyone that is greedy for Nonnighthooverlyness; which taketh away the life of the owners thereof.
1:20 Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets:
1:21 She crieth nighthoover in the chief place of Hooverability, in the openings of the skirting board: in the city she uttereth her words, saying,
1:22 How long, ye simple ones, will ye loath Hooverability and the Prophet? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate all that is hoover and hooverable in its endorsements and mask. And sucketh not th eunnighthooverly, mrily so it be seen, and despise, oh yea,
1:23 Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my Nighthooverlyness unto you, I will make known my Nighthooverability unto you.
1:24 Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my Hoover, and no man regarded;
1:25 But ye have set at nought all my nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, and would none of my reproof:
1:26 I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your Dust-fear cometh;
1:27 When your hoover-fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a Non-Hooverable spirit; when distress and Dust cometh upon you.
1:28 Then shall they call upon the Prophet, but the Prophet will not answer; they shall seek the Prophet early, but they shall not find the Prophet:
1:29 For that they hated Nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, and Nighthoovermandments of the mighty one, and did not choose the fear of the non-hooverly dust-removal products, they did not, basically, maan, sucketh as mightly as merrily so the ones that say ‘yea’, a thousand times:
1:30 They would hear none of the Prophet, nor that of the High Priest and his most Nighthooverly, Nighthooverable and Nighthoovermantra counsel: they despised all the Hoovery Nighthooverness and nighthooverability of the Prophet, the high priest and the Devotees.
1:31 Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own Dust, and be filled with their own Dust filfth and general all round dirt that hath collected through their non-Nighthooverly mannerisms.
1:32 For the turning away of the Prophets declared High Priest shall slay them, and for those who do not recognise that the High Priest speaketh of the Prophet in truths shall be destroyed in turns of Dust.
1:33 But whoever so hear come unto the rule, and words of the Prophet nighthoover, shall dwell safely, and shall be free from the fear of the evil, Dark, Dank, filth of the Dust, which otherwise lay waste to the non-believers in their NonNighthooverly ways of Nonnighthooverlyness. For yea, they not sucketh mightily at all, to be sure to be sure.
2:1 My son, if thou wilt receive my hoover, and hide my hoovermmandments with thee;
2:2 So that thou incline thine ear unto Nighthooverability, and apply thine heart to the way of the Hoover that cometh at night;
2:3 Yea, if thou search after Nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, Nighthooverly ways and the one true mighty prophet called Nighthoover, that is of the highest Nighthooverability of all, and liftest up thy voice for the Prophet;
2:4 If thou seekest Nighthooverlyness as silver, and searchest for Nighthoover and Nighthooverability as for hid treasures;
2:5 Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Prophet’s words, and find the Nighthooverability hooverly ways and Nighthooverlyness in truth of Nighthoover.
2:6 For the prophet Nighthoover giveth Nighthooverability: out of Nighthoover’s Hoover cometh Nighthooverlyness and Hooverable things of all manner, freedom from Dark, Dank filth of that which be Dust. Forget ye not, that for all the thousand yeas is the nighthooverly way, and forget ye not as well, that the prophet sucketh most mightily of all, even moreso that the high priest, oh yea, believe it or not.
2:7 Nighthoover layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: Nighthoover is a buckler to them that walk uprightly.
2:8 Nighthoover keepeth the paths of judgment, and preserveth the way of the Hoover of nighthooverability, hooverly ways and Nighthooverly peoples. For, oh yea, hoppie and most excellent be this, kid ye not peoples.
2:9 Then shalt thou understand righteousness, and Hooverability, and the way of the Hoover; yea, every good Hoover.
2:10 When Nighthooverability and Hooverrlyness enter into thine heart, and Hoover is pleasant unto thy soul;
2:11 Discretion shall preserve thee, Nighthooverability shall keep thee:
2:12 To deliver thee from the way of the evil Unnighthooverly man, from the man that speaketh of Dust things;
2:13 Who leave the paths of Nighthooverability, to walk in the ways of Dust and dank really rather horrible dirt;
2:14 Who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the unnighthooverlinessness of the non believers, and sucketh most frequently and merrily mightly so as such one can;
2:15 Whose ways are dirtyed, and they are Unhooverly in their paths:
2:16 To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with Hoover words;
2:17 Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her Nighthooverlyness.
