Living with violence

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Living With Violence

This entry has taken a lot of courage for me to do but if it helps anyone who is in a similar situation,then it has been worth my while.

I met john when i was a very naive 19 year old,he was my 1st and only love.
After 6 weeks into our relationship,i was pregnant,my mother didn't approve,so i got a flat and john moved in with me,i was so happy,after my 1st child was born,things started to go pear shaped,john would often come home late,i started to question him,thats when i got my 1st 'slap'i moved back home for about 3 months,my mom was brilliant with my daughter,she was like an additonal sister to my siblings,anyway john wanted to see her and was full of remorse for slapping me and could we start again,i still loved him and so i went back to live with him,then my son was born,perfect family boy and girl,i didn't want anymore children,so i was sterilzed,john didn't aggree with it,but because we wasn't married,he had no say in the matter.This caused more arguments,or looking back now,they was probably excuses.
He started stopping out late again.
My mother told me if i went back with him,she would have nothing to do with me,in hindsight she knew he was no good.
So i continued to stay,the slaps turned to punches and kicks,i was put in hospital on one occasion,with a broken jaw.
and still i put up with it!!
WHY?? Because he kept saying he was sorry it won't happen again and i believed him,until i joined an evening class,i studied counselling and i soon realised he had destroyed my self esteem,confidence and respect.
So i told him to go,he begged,pleaded,cried and said the same old story i'd been listening to for 12 years.
I was now the stronger one and kept a promise to myself,that i am worth more than this,i deserve better.
The children took it all quite badly,my son was the worse affected,he got into trouble when he was 13,but soon regretted it and learnt from it.They have not seen or had any contact with there dad for about 7 years and to be honest they don't want to.
I'm happy to say,they have both turned out to be loving parents themselves.
It took me a long time to get my confidence back and my self respect.Because after years of abuse,you lose all that and now i couldn't wish for a happier life.

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