Keeping Women Happy - Part Numero Uno
Created | Updated Aug 29, 2003
If you would keep your women happy, the first thing to consider is the state of the toilet seat. Specifically women demand, and are very admamant about the point, that the toilet seat should remain at all times in the rest or down position.
While there's no general agreement as to why they are so adamant about this issue, it seems possible that they might in fact have difficulty controlling the downward motion of the seat when attempting to return it to the rested position. When they lose control, the seat plummets to the rim of the bowl causing an audible noise similar breaking crockery. This apparently scares them, sometimes with unfortunate consequences for portions of their underthings.
For this reason alone one should avoid leaving the seat in the up position no matter how it might aggravate one's back condition.
Women simply have no appreciation of the fact that the male spinal column, as it ages, turns into the functional equivalent of a stack of potatoe chips. This, in turn, causes severe discomfort not only when lifting toilet seats but also when the male is compelled to discard trash into a can installed under the kitchen sink. The situation becomes even worse when he's expected to retrieve the trash and take it out to the customary pickup point.
Knowing how unfeeling women are with respect to this and other problems peculiar to the male will go a long way in smoothing over domestic bliss' little bumps and grinds. This is because the knowledge will enable one to avoid excuses that won't be credited under any circumstances.
Here are some perhaps more plausible excuses that can be profitably substituted. Please keep in mind that these excuses are offered only as guidelines and do not constitute authorative advice of any nature whatsoever.
1>> If one is criticized for leaving the toilet seat up, tell her the dog did it with his nose while drinking, and what after all can one do with that old feller? For this excuse to work correctly, it is almost unavoidable to have a large dog around the house. Empirical observation suggests a Chihuahua probably won't work in this particularly application.
2>> If one is criticized for not taking the trash out frequently enough because in fact it's under the sink where it's difficult to extract without dumping the trash all over the kitchen floor, do not, repeat, DO NOT even make reference to such a lame excuse.
Instead assure your woman that if she would just exercise a little recycling responsibility by placing the plastic milk jugs in a separate place, the trash wouldn't fill up so quickly. This would also apply to aluminium beer cans, newspaper, glossy magazines, or any number of other recyclables.
3>> If you have any questions that remain unanswered after these modest suggestions, you may append them to this entry with our compliments. We'll endeavor to answer them at our earliest convenience, right after we find an excuse for not putting our boots in the closet.
While there's no general agreement as to why they are so adamant about this issue, it seems possible that they might in fact have difficulty controlling the downward motion of the seat when attempting to return it to the rested position. When they lose control, the seat plummets to the rim of the bowl causing an audible noise similar breaking crockery. This apparently scares them, sometimes with unfortunate consequences for portions of their underthings.
For this reason alone one should avoid leaving the seat in the up position no matter how it might aggravate one's back condition.
Women simply have no appreciation of the fact that the male spinal column, as it ages, turns into the functional equivalent of a stack of potatoe chips. This, in turn, causes severe discomfort not only when lifting toilet seats but also when the male is compelled to discard trash into a can installed under the kitchen sink. The situation becomes even worse when he's expected to retrieve the trash and take it out to the customary pickup point.
Knowing how unfeeling women are with respect to this and other problems peculiar to the male will go a long way in smoothing over domestic bliss' little bumps and grinds. This is because the knowledge will enable one to avoid excuses that won't be credited under any circumstances.
Here are some perhaps more plausible excuses that can be profitably substituted. Please keep in mind that these excuses are offered only as guidelines and do not constitute authorative advice of any nature whatsoever.
1>> If one is criticized for leaving the toilet seat up, tell her the dog did it with his nose while drinking, and what after all can one do with that old feller? For this excuse to work correctly, it is almost unavoidable to have a large dog around the house. Empirical observation suggests a Chihuahua probably won't work in this particularly application.
2>> If one is criticized for not taking the trash out frequently enough because in fact it's under the sink where it's difficult to extract without dumping the trash all over the kitchen floor, do not, repeat, DO NOT even make reference to such a lame excuse.
Instead assure your woman that if she would just exercise a little recycling responsibility by placing the plastic milk jugs in a separate place, the trash wouldn't fill up so quickly. This would also apply to aluminium beer cans, newspaper, glossy magazines, or any number of other recyclables.
3>> If you have any questions that remain unanswered after these modest suggestions, you may append them to this entry with our compliments. We'll endeavor to answer them at our earliest convenience, right after we find an excuse for not putting our boots in the closet.
