h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ouch.

I keep hearing the word *Warmart*.

Oh, and *Up the Pig War!*

>I feel it necessary, in the interest of historical integrity to point out that, in fact, the army that defeated the Americans in Maryland and then burned the Whitehouse was made up of British veterans fresh from the Peninsular Campaign of the Napoleonic Wars. It was, of course, the Canadian Governor who asked for the attack.<

'kin pedant

I suppose you'll also argue Canada wasn't actually a country at the time, anyway

No, I'll not argue that. Quite the contrary, actually . . .





But not right now.

Whew!


But....


What about 1867, eh?

'What about 1867, eh?'

Confederation was simply an acknowledgment of fact, like the Royal Proclamation of 1763, section 35 of our Constitution or the motion concerning the Quebecois adopted by the first session of the 39th Parliament of Canada.

Oh yeah? Well Canada was _nothing_ until BC joined the Confederation in 1871!

'Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words. That is what this war is all about!'

"In 1812 U.S. President James Madison declared war on Canada.
A couple of years later, in August, 1914, the Canadian army soundly defeated the US army at Blansburg, MD; marched on Washington, D.C., and put nearly every public building to the torch, including the Whitehouse.
I understand that a few charred timbers remain in the Whitehouse attic.

On December 25, 1814, a peace treaty was signed, in which the US agreed never again to attack Canada."

I've heard this story a couple of times and it's a modern myth. The US and Canada did *not* go to war in 1812 because the Canadian nation did not exist. The United States and *Great Britain* went to war in 1812 and, as well as engagements at sea , there was fighting in North America between US troops and British troops in *British North America* (which constituded much of what is now the independent nation of Canada). It was British troops who occupied and burned Washington in 1814.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_1812

As you can see, whilst the US declared war it was provoked by many British actions (including the seizure of American sailors and their press-ganging into the Royal Navy). Apart from these actions, there were still considerable tensions between the fledgling American republic and the United Kingdom who had already fought a war less than forty years previously. This wasn't simply the Americans going crazy and pre-emptively attacking a "Canada" that didn't exist as any sort of nation.

I couldn't find any reference in the Wikipedia entry to the US promising never to attack "Canada" again. Any further hostilities would have been pointless anyway - neither nation gained anything from the war and it simply demonstrated how protracted any US attempts to conquer British North America (or British attempts to re-conquer the lost American states) would be and pretty-much ended any further US-British hostilities.

"I also should point out that my dread expectation is not a U.S. invasion on the pattern of the invasion of Iraq or even Granada: what I expect to be far more likely is some ass of a Canadian Prime Minister succumbing to pressure and 'inviting' U.S. troops to provide 'security' in the face of 'ultranationalist' (i.e. Liberal or NDP Suzukiite) threats."

Eh?! Seriously, this is no more a likely scenario than the Americans invading Canada. Why would Canada possibly need US troops in its borders? Who is the threat that the Canadian army are incapable of dealing with (and the Canadian army would need to demonsrate their ineffectiveness against any such insurgency before US troops would be considered as a last resort)?