Uses for Peanut butter
Created | Updated Mar 27, 2002
Here are 100 uses for Peanut butter. Use them well!Feed large globs of it to your dog for cheap entertainment.
Mix it with egg whites and ammonia to see if it takes out stains.
Lace it with cyanide and feed it to Barney.
Spread it on the dog's back to watch him go crazy.
Squish it between your fingers in the lunchroom muttering "Only two more hours and I have so much left to study..."
Plug holes in your paneling walls.
Make sure you have some stuck in your fingernails whenever you go on a blind date.
Carry it around in your duffel in case of emergencies.
Use it to stick things if you run out of duct tape.
If you see a freshly poured sidewalk drying drop globs of Peanut Butter into the cement to create "holes" later.
Drop it from a plane over Ethiopia to feed all the starving children.
Keep a jar in your car because it rhymes.
Have an art class paint "still life" pictures of it.
Have the astronauts leave some of it in orbit.
Rub it on sore muscles.
Save it up so you will have plenty during your retirement years.
Make "Cream of Peanut Butter" soup.
Plug up the nursery's electric outlets to protect little fingers.
Mix it with a large amount of brown sugar. Form into small spheres. Set on cookie sheet and leave on counter as if cooling.
Take one bite then chew for several minutes to see if anyone notices. If not, keep chewing. After half an hour try to talk.
Put it in the bell of your brass instrument to make interesting new sounds. Try different amounts.
Coat the lower half of your bicycle with it. Ride around town so everyone will think you were riding in the mud.
Fill a swimming pool with it and hang a "basket" on the edge and get all your friends together to play "Killer BBall."
Two words: eye shadow.
Keep some in your wallet "just in case."
Inhale deeply...
Use it in cookie recipes in place of the butter.
Some people like it on scrambled eggs...
Lubricate the garbage disposal with it occasionally.
Throw this list away and just eat it on sandwiches. Loser.
Keep out of reach of children.
If you have pimples spread it on your face overnight as an acne treatment to clear up the complexion.
Mail it to Barney. Hope it has a similar effect as with a dog.
Let it dry out and use it as silly putty.
Let it dry out and use it as fake plastic explosive in a joke.
Spread it on your palm then go through a wedding reception line.
Make Peanut Butter Vegetable and Beef Soup.
See how much will fit in a floppy disk drive slot. (NIMBY)
Write a computer program that simulates Virtual Peanut Butter.
Make Freshmen wear it on their foreheads during initiation week.
It feels great squishing between the toes.
About April, use it to stick (whole) eggs inside the heating ducts.
Drop large globs of it out of an airplane over New York City.
Use it if you run out of plastic wood.
Fill up your naval and pretend you are either Adam or Eve.
Start a new cult and worship it. (Okay, that's evil.)
Eat loads of it in front of starving people. This is a form of torture.
Give your cat a bath in it. This is also a form of torture.
Fire it out of a sawed-off shotgun.
Spread it on celery sticks.
Use it to feed the fish.
New diet: nothing but peanut butter 5 days a week. The other two days you are also allowed water.
Hide it in your sock to keep it from getting stolen.
If you are a doctor, prescribe it to your patients regularly.
If you have tight clothing such as stretch pants use it as a lubricant to help get them on.
Stir in some Napalm and feed it to Barney.
New Olympic Event: PB Swimming.
Suggest it (as a type of shield) to the makers of Scorched Earth.
Give it to druggies to help combat withdrawal.
Put it between the pages of library books you hate.
Take it on Safari instead of water because it doesn't evaporate as fast.
If you forget your kneaded eraser for Intro to drawing class just take that "just in case" Peanut Butter out of your duffel and play with THAT instead of paying attention.
Fill your punching bag with it. Pressurize for added effect. Box with spiked knuckles.
Use it as "heavy" ammo for your Super Soaker 11000.
Mix it with Drano and feed it to Barney.
Nail it to the wall for a decoration.
In Descent IV it would make a great weapon.
Use it in a fire extinguisher instead of carbon dioxide.
Add Ebola to it and feed it to Barney.
Switch it for someone's deodorant.
Subject it to electrolysis just to see what happens.
Spread it on Spam to improve the flavor.
Use it as your secret weapon in a pillow fight.
Wing a glob at the neighbor's dog once a day.
Donate massive amounts of it the American Diabetes Association.
Use it to fertilize your garden. Weeding was never so much fun!
Use it in your explanation of the fabled noodle incident.
Devise an experiment to discover its tensile strength.
Make milkshakes out of it.
Keep some with the old blanket in the trunk of your car just in case.
Plant two rows of it in your garden and complain that it doesn't grow.
Spread it on your left hand. Let it dry. Rub your hands together until you have little clumps and rolls of dried peanut butter. Spread them around on your test paper to make it look like you erased a lot.
Use it to stick up posters signs and photographs in your room.
See how large a glop you can flush down the toilet at once.
See how much of it your vacuum cleaner can handle.
Expose it to radiation. Feed it to hamsters. Be sure to read the horror movie survival guide in preparation for the results.
Knock on it for good luck if there is no wood around.
Spread it on the chalkboard in a classroom when there is going to be a substitute teacher.
Fill a room with it knee-deep and have a massive wrestling match with your friends.
Spread it over your door during Freshman Initiations to let the others know an upperclassman lives there.
Keep some in your first aid kit just in case.
See how much it takes to stop up the laser printer in the lab.
Kick it in the face of 97 lb. weaklings in the lunchroom.
Send 1797 jars of it to the crew of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and see what they say about it on the show.
Give a jar of it to your father for Christmas.
Give someone with dentures a lifetime supply.
Give a few dozen jars to the astronauts to play with in zero gravity.
Drop large globs of it out of an airplane over your college. Try to hit one of the professors.
Keep some in your basement tornado shelter just in case.
One word: Gargle.
Mix it with egg whites and ammonia to see if it takes out stains.
Lace it with cyanide and feed it to Barney.
Spread it on the dog's back to watch him go crazy.
Squish it between your fingers in the lunchroom muttering "Only two more hours and I have so much left to study..."
Plug holes in your paneling walls.
Make sure you have some stuck in your fingernails whenever you go on a blind date.
Carry it around in your duffel in case of emergencies.
Use it to stick things if you run out of duct tape.
If you see a freshly poured sidewalk drying drop globs of Peanut Butter into the cement to create "holes" later.
Drop it from a plane over Ethiopia to feed all the starving children.
Keep a jar in your car because it rhymes.
Have an art class paint "still life" pictures of it.
Have the astronauts leave some of it in orbit.
Rub it on sore muscles.
Save it up so you will have plenty during your retirement years.
Make "Cream of Peanut Butter" soup.
Plug up the nursery's electric outlets to protect little fingers.
Mix it with a large amount of brown sugar. Form into small spheres. Set on cookie sheet and leave on counter as if cooling.
Take one bite then chew for several minutes to see if anyone notices. If not, keep chewing. After half an hour try to talk.
Put it in the bell of your brass instrument to make interesting new sounds. Try different amounts.
Coat the lower half of your bicycle with it. Ride around town so everyone will think you were riding in the mud.
Fill a swimming pool with it and hang a "basket" on the edge and get all your friends together to play "Killer BBall."
Two words: eye shadow.
Keep some in your wallet "just in case."
Inhale deeply...
Use it in cookie recipes in place of the butter.
Some people like it on scrambled eggs...
Lubricate the garbage disposal with it occasionally.
Throw this list away and just eat it on sandwiches. Loser.
Keep out of reach of children.
If you have pimples spread it on your face overnight as an acne treatment to clear up the complexion.
Mail it to Barney. Hope it has a similar effect as with a dog.
Let it dry out and use it as silly putty.
Let it dry out and use it as fake plastic explosive in a joke.
Spread it on your palm then go through a wedding reception line.
Make Peanut Butter Vegetable and Beef Soup.
See how much will fit in a floppy disk drive slot. (NIMBY)
Write a computer program that simulates Virtual Peanut Butter.
Make Freshmen wear it on their foreheads during initiation week.
It feels great squishing between the toes.
About April, use it to stick (whole) eggs inside the heating ducts.
Drop large globs of it out of an airplane over New York City.
Use it if you run out of plastic wood.
Fill up your naval and pretend you are either Adam or Eve.
Start a new cult and worship it. (Okay, that's evil.)
Eat loads of it in front of starving people. This is a form of torture.
Give your cat a bath in it. This is also a form of torture.
Fire it out of a sawed-off shotgun.
Spread it on celery sticks.
Use it to feed the fish.
New diet: nothing but peanut butter 5 days a week. The other two days you are also allowed water.
Hide it in your sock to keep it from getting stolen.
If you are a doctor, prescribe it to your patients regularly.
If you have tight clothing such as stretch pants use it as a lubricant to help get them on.
Stir in some Napalm and feed it to Barney.
New Olympic Event: PB Swimming.
Suggest it (as a type of shield) to the makers of Scorched Earth.
Give it to druggies to help combat withdrawal.
Put it between the pages of library books you hate.
Take it on Safari instead of water because it doesn't evaporate as fast.
If you forget your kneaded eraser for Intro to drawing class just take that "just in case" Peanut Butter out of your duffel and play with THAT instead of paying attention.
Fill your punching bag with it. Pressurize for added effect. Box with spiked knuckles.
Use it as "heavy" ammo for your Super Soaker 11000.
Mix it with Drano and feed it to Barney.
Nail it to the wall for a decoration.
In Descent IV it would make a great weapon.
Use it in a fire extinguisher instead of carbon dioxide.
Add Ebola to it and feed it to Barney.
Switch it for someone's deodorant.
Subject it to electrolysis just to see what happens.
Spread it on Spam to improve the flavor.
Use it as your secret weapon in a pillow fight.
Wing a glob at the neighbor's dog once a day.
Donate massive amounts of it the American Diabetes Association.
Use it to fertilize your garden. Weeding was never so much fun!
Use it in your explanation of the fabled noodle incident.
Devise an experiment to discover its tensile strength.
Make milkshakes out of it.
Keep some with the old blanket in the trunk of your car just in case.
Plant two rows of it in your garden and complain that it doesn't grow.
Spread it on your left hand. Let it dry. Rub your hands together until you have little clumps and rolls of dried peanut butter. Spread them around on your test paper to make it look like you erased a lot.
Use it to stick up posters signs and photographs in your room.
See how large a glop you can flush down the toilet at once.
See how much of it your vacuum cleaner can handle.
Expose it to radiation. Feed it to hamsters. Be sure to read the horror movie survival guide in preparation for the results.
Knock on it for good luck if there is no wood around.
Spread it on the chalkboard in a classroom when there is going to be a substitute teacher.
Fill a room with it knee-deep and have a massive wrestling match with your friends.
Spread it over your door during Freshman Initiations to let the others know an upperclassman lives there.
Keep some in your first aid kit just in case.
See how much it takes to stop up the laser printer in the lab.
Kick it in the face of 97 lb. weaklings in the lunchroom.
Send 1797 jars of it to the crew of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and see what they say about it on the show.
Give a jar of it to your father for Christmas.
Give someone with dentures a lifetime supply.
Give a few dozen jars to the astronauts to play with in zero gravity.
Drop large globs of it out of an airplane over your college. Try to hit one of the professors.
Keep some in your basement tornado shelter just in case.
One word: Gargle.
