MY LIFE
Created | Updated Aug 15, 2003
click click My page,huh? Waaayyyhhhaaayyy! They said keep it light & gay, well I can certainly keep it light. I thought I might start off by introducing some of my family & friends, so that you can get to know me. So here I am with a tape recorder, mic and headphones. click click Take that flipping recorder away. I'm trying to prepare a meal here. Did you get the milk on your way home? Oh yes, make yourself scarce this evening, I've the WI coming. Go down the pub or something. Now just get out of my kitchen. Put that cake back, it's not for you, it's for the girls tonight. click click Oh go on, mate. Just a few words. Say something, anything.What do you mean? What's it worth? New Nikes? Have you done your homework? Well I suggest, young man,you put that X-Box away, march straight up to your room and do it now. No more X-Box until it's done. Not fair? Nothing in this life's fair, you learn that. click click I hope you don't think you're going out dressed like that. Do we know this Darren? Well make sure you're back by 9. Oh yes you will, young lady, or I'll want to know the reason why. What? Your mother said what? Well, OK, if you're not back by 10, you'll be staying in for the next two nights. I have..well..that is...Your mother & I have made rules in this house & we'd all be best to obey them. Yeah, well, that makes two of us that hate this house.click click No! No! Come on now, nice doggie, good doggie. Give me the windshield back.There's a good doggie. Just give me the damn thing! Oh hell! They'll kill me back at the hire shop when they see this. Oh God! What am I going to do? It's just not flipping fair.click click Hang about, mate. If I pot this black, that's us in for the championships. Designated pocket top right. Go to it my son! Oh, you little beauty! Champions! Champions! Losers! Losers! click click Yeah, right then. That's 2 Worthingtons, 2 John Smiths, a Carlsberg and 2 Jack Daniels & Coke. I'm warning you, you'd better not get yourself in the state you were in the other night. Any more of that and I'm barring you. Don't use that tape recorder in here, my customers don't like it. You'd better pay up what you owe on your tab. Your total stands at click click Well what do you want me to say? Anything? Well, I'm a police sargeant in the armed tactical squad & I arrest people.What? Why not? Don't you want people to know you have friends on the force? Embarressed? I'll let them know that, then, the next time you go to the police club for a pint then, shall I? Is that your car outside? Right I'll just have it checked by the motor division then shall click click Type up everything after my voice? Yes. I've got that. I'm not stupid, you know. What is it? An interview with a Worm Sexer in Outer Mongolia? Yes I'm sure they'll find that very riverting. Look, you will pay me this time won't you? Only the last time I typed some click click Hell! I must have fallen asleep & I've erased everything at the end of the tape. Oh they'll never notice, I'll just type up everything at the beginning. Nobodies going to read this rubbish anyway. click click *************At this point it behoves me to point out that the above never happened, the people do not exist and the dialogue was invented. I hope you found it amusing.
