"The 'Gel' Pen" or "The Pen of Evil"
Created | Updated May 5, 2003
Get a piece of paper and a pen. Use the pen to write a short sentence on the paper. You'll probably notice that the ink is black or blue. If it isn't one of the colours that I just mentioned then you've fallen into the trap of coloured pens.
Coloured pens are evil for several reasons, the main one being that they hurt your eyes, much like the colour scheme of my website (which I probably shouldn't include the URL for). Only females use coloured pens because men are more sensible than that and stick to dull colours like black or blue. This is slightly helpful in a way because if you see a hand written passage and it is bright pink then you know that a female wrote it. The problem is you can't read it. This doesn't matter if it is something unimportant, like a shopping list or suicide note, but if the it's the instructions on how to operate the television your borrowing from her then you're in big trouble. Well being a man you WILL be able to work it out anyway. But what if the passage is the instructions on how to cook your dinner? In that case you're doomed to a less than satisfactory meal. Not a prosperous thought, I know. This is just one example, despite being a bad one, of how coloured pens can ruin lives, but there are many other scenarios that can occur. Some much worst. If this alone isn't reason enough to destroy all of the coloured, or 'gel', pens in existence then read on.
This is the transcript of an actual interview with a gel pen user. It is quite shocking.
M = Me.
O = The other person (who won't be named ).
M) You use coloured pens, right?
O) What?
M) Pink or purple pens.
O) Gel pens, yeah I do.
M) Do you ever experience problems with coloured pens?
O) Why are you asking me this?
M) Well I thought you'd be an expert on the subject.
O) O.K., I had to take some back once because they leaked.
M) Do you find them harder to read than blue or black pens?
O) Lime green and yellow ones are.
M) Do they fade easily?
O) Why do you care?
M) I'm writing an article for my website about how crap gel pens are.
O) Gel pens aren't crap, why do you want to write that anyway?
M) Because gel pens ARE crap and I think everybody should know about it, and I'm bored.
O) Gel pens aren't crap
M) Yes they are, you can onl...
O) LA LA LA, I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG.
This proves several things:
A) Coloured pens, or gel pens if you will, leak easily. Not good if you're in the middle of something important.
B) Gel pens ARE hard to read. She said it herself
C) Gel pen users are less intelligent than the average person.
Also I have discovered that gel pens smudge easily. This is really bad. If you're writing the instructions for microwave meal cooking and it's smudged, it'll be even harder for the unfortunate soul who has to make sense of them to get a decent meal.
Now take the paper you wrote your random sentence on. If the pen used was coloured then destroy it, and the pen. If not turn the paper over and write, in big bold letters, I'M AGAINST COLOURED/GEL PENS. JOIN ME IN MY QUEST TO CRUSH AND DESTROY THEM.
You know it's the right thing to do.
Coloured pens are evil for several reasons, the main one being that they hurt your eyes, much like the colour scheme of my website (which I probably shouldn't include the URL for). Only females use coloured pens because men are more sensible than that and stick to dull colours like black or blue. This is slightly helpful in a way because if you see a hand written passage and it is bright pink then you know that a female wrote it. The problem is you can't read it. This doesn't matter if it is something unimportant, like a shopping list or suicide note, but if the it's the instructions on how to operate the television your borrowing from her then you're in big trouble. Well being a man you WILL be able to work it out anyway. But what if the passage is the instructions on how to cook your dinner? In that case you're doomed to a less than satisfactory meal. Not a prosperous thought, I know. This is just one example, despite being a bad one, of how coloured pens can ruin lives, but there are many other scenarios that can occur. Some much worst. If this alone isn't reason enough to destroy all of the coloured, or 'gel', pens in existence then read on.
This is the transcript of an actual interview with a gel pen user. It is quite shocking.
M = Me.
O = The other person (who won't be named ).
M) You use coloured pens, right?
O) What?
M) Pink or purple pens.
O) Gel pens, yeah I do.
M) Do you ever experience problems with coloured pens?
O) Why are you asking me this?
M) Well I thought you'd be an expert on the subject.
O) O.K., I had to take some back once because they leaked.
M) Do you find them harder to read than blue or black pens?
O) Lime green and yellow ones are.
M) Do they fade easily?
O) Why do you care?
M) I'm writing an article for my website about how crap gel pens are.
O) Gel pens aren't crap, why do you want to write that anyway?
M) Because gel pens ARE crap and I think everybody should know about it, and I'm bored.
O) Gel pens aren't crap
M) Yes they are, you can onl...
O) LA LA LA, I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG.
This proves several things:
A) Coloured pens, or gel pens if you will, leak easily. Not good if you're in the middle of something important.
B) Gel pens ARE hard to read. She said it herself
C) Gel pen users are less intelligent than the average person.
Also I have discovered that gel pens smudge easily. This is really bad. If you're writing the instructions for microwave meal cooking and it's smudged, it'll be even harder for the unfortunate soul who has to make sense of them to get a decent meal.
Now take the paper you wrote your random sentence on. If the pen used was coloured then destroy it, and the pen. If not turn the paper over and write, in big bold letters, I'M AGAINST COLOURED/GEL PENS. JOIN ME IN MY QUEST TO CRUSH AND DESTROY THEM.
You know it's the right thing to do.
