My Dark Hole 2
Created | Updated Nov 1, 2004
Finding a way to fill the void
Finding a way to fill the void
to rebuild
to no longer claim
destruction
is present
typing away
finding distractions
filling the void
trying to avoid
saying
the truth
trying to grow
started too slow
want to be stronger
but can i be much wronger?
voids will be filled
when new blood is spilled
fresh from the
self enduced
self pitying hollow
eyes seek the light
heart filled
with mallice
with spite
revenge will be slow
the seeds will grow
sown as they are by your destruction
you treat your friends poor
ill win the war
you will be destroyed
by your own selfishness
blood is no reason
its nowt to do with your season
you claim it too much
but its you not chemicals
you are your own destruction
i can bear it no more
youve driven me away
i cant help you no more
not that you tried listening
or taking it before
you stole and you cheated
lied and defeated
your best chance
you can not save yourself
i will no longer try
i will not weap
for the deception you have
i shall no longer lose sleep
the wounds are getting deeper
your confesser defender and preacher can no longer protect you
kill that vine
die at poisoned wine
the lie you live has lasted to long
revenge is best served cold
but mine is still hot
vengence will be obtained
when you suffer you have brought it upon yourself
self enduced
self promoted
you seek the punishment but cannot take the pain
this is life
this is but a game in which no part is cast
all is to play for
repentence cannot be stolen cannot be paid for
i shall not forgive
to forgive would be to release
to suggest it is finished and all has ceased
the void will be filled and on that day
you will as always complain it didnt go your way
but how can it when all you do
is stew in the hatred the loathing you start and spread
your lazy and foolish
you tire to slow
before day is half done
your ready to go
to the bed you had left just an hour ago
this part of me is dying and will soon be dead
the creaper you wrapped round my vine will be no longer ahead
new growth has begun and you cannot touch
you will have pain
you will have sorrow
all of us die lonely
but mine shall not be tomorrow
my roots are stronger
you can no longer steal from me
ive got my nutrients
ive got seeds
not of hatred or despise
not of impurity thinly disguised
not of faith secretly dead
hidden from view
i do not seek repentence i dont believe i can receive
but you do
seeds spread cast and sown
fill the void to overflow
a cold heart receives new life
a fire is created
a soul is heated
hatred diminishes
new life has begun
no longer two creapers grow
just this one
To find the whole
To find the whole
to fulfill the soul
to climb
to soar
to fly
to love
to die
to taste the sweetness
to distain the biterness
to keep from harm
to burn
to cheat is
to eat of it
to lie
to be blinded and gagged
to be tortured is to be thankful
to be taught and told
to have your dreams stolen and sold
this is a life searching the voids
to find the whole
Hatred
Hatred now fills the void
this disease increases
and will not avoid
its target is clear its
plain to see
she shall die
death is too good
pain must live
it must be slow
i no longer forgive
youve done me wrong
the guilt is yours
the pain is mine and fruitful to
i shall get the best of you
vengence will be served in ice
lonely
your words cut me
your flaming heart burns me
your eyes blind
your touch is ice
your lips are poison
your skin a translucent covering
you hide in clothes
you hide in dance
you hide in song
you hide in my mind
i canot find you
i cannot be with you
you will destroy my frail heart
Roo
poor little girl so confused,
a life with no fun,
and now your done?
time to go?
time to stay?
does anyone care anyway?
at the end your all alone
the circle completed
what ended has now begun
youve had your time in the sun
the burn is close
the skin crawls
the flesh festers
the skin translucent
your body wracked with guilt
the knife you stole
driven in deep to the hilt
wounds self inflicted
heal the least
it was you not me
who was the beast
guilt is payment
sorrow in your strife
but now youve haunted me
it returns,
your life gains momentum in its despairing demise
the body deceased
the lifeless eyes
A day
A day is a dream
a dream is a day
one will pass
the other lives away
life is forgotten
in that which fades
dreams break on sunlight
the feelings to fade
illusions are memories
forgotten by all
a future impossible
The Dark
It holds my tears
creates my fears
in the dark
in the dark
it tears my soul
makes me whole
in the dark
in the dark
i find myself at its will
an all to easily taken bitter pill
life can hide from me no more
its remnants sinking through the floor
in my tomb it shall greet me
in the womb it reached me
in the dark
in the dark
in the dark my face is lost
in the dark my body becomes
in the dark
in the dark
past and present merge
sulphurous fires stench and scorch
pain and suffering without the touch
reach me
teach me
find me
hide me
keep me safe
keep me whole
keep me from that bitter goal
kill me
split me
hit me
kick me
bite me
knife me
stab me
hit me
jab me
let me be
let me see
nothingness
for in the dark
i am one
with everything
ive become
with what i was
what i could be
its all too plain to see
but in the dark i am safe
none need see this face
so in it i hide
in it i fear
in it i am protected from the searing
flesh muscle bone and bile
mucus fresh intestines vile
that future holds should past be undone
and examined for me as everyone
is due and will find in apocalyptic time
when our goddess our god our maker our makers
take out that ticker taper
examine with their eyes
all the deceit and the lies
and so it shall be and come to pass
beware my friends beware your past
learn from it
yearn for parts of it
but never let what is done... become...
anger
anger seeps up inside
out it drives
that which made sense
that which could release the tense-ness
darkness it grows
the light inside goes
the heart once warm
now remains cold
love drives this soul
blackened like coal
forward it marches
forward it stumbles
tripping and falling
head over heels
this heartfelt feeling seals
the tears from his eyes
no longer he cries
for that which was lost
no longer surives
so she dies
he fails to cry
why should he?
shiver
its cold
to shiver
is to display
its hot
to sweat
is to betray
hot
cold
hot
cold
oil is icy
water is coal
sweat is sweet
sour is defeat
love is a temple ransacked by thieves
hatred is a palace surrounded by trees
apathy is beauty in a dead souless world
feeling is betrayal
a death twice cold
Coldness
life is cold
death is warm
a blanket of soil
from whence we were born
ashes to dust
cars to rust
pollution chokes
old men croak
films cover the eyes
plugs the nose
hair is brittle
frozen toes
mugging
rape
murder
they cry
but nothing leaves those film covered eyes
its getting warmer the lantern approaches
old men wheeze
the young bones freeze
coldness moves
warmth grows stronger
the fires burn brighter
as the raven crowns its glories in the skies above
farewell comitment farewell love
the plague is strong the bodies weak
all round the famlies fail to weep
fleeing for life protection from harm
not even priests can renew calm
death is certain
we know not what form
we must cherish life and the love tho it too is warm
slowly we die day by day cradle to grave
we live a dying life
a song to be sung
when church bells knell
and carol begun
christmas is a time forsaken by hope
a burning fire
a rug
a chair
a pipe
but what of the alter?
what of the price that keeping warm tonight,
denies our vices,
denies our shame,
that we shall be merry
for its that time agin?
the cold is crisp bracing some say
but it is a warnig stay clear away
do not give birth
do not provide death with more fodder to consume
in its icy breath
its grip on steel to swing swiftly down
on village on city on town
the warmth approaches
death cannot be far
we run we hide
from that devil ridden car
it will take us under its wheels
no rubber burning no squeels other than delight
from the children who find a soul replaced once more at christmas time
the box is pretty
its worth too high
a soul escapes
my oh my
hello my grave
hello my tombstone
i know you well
i carved and dug you on my own
i know the warmth that the earth provides
i know the sweat
i know the lies
i know death
so here i lie
the earth's treasure
warming on the fires of my sin
A lament / A warning
She is going
I cannot stop her
She is travelling far and wide
Her path she sees is set straightly
But I see bends in the road
Behind the corners she will be taken
Walking by without a care
But wind blows strong
Rain is freezing
And yet she doesnt care
Turn back the road is long
It is wrong for you to go
Through rain wind sleet snow and freezing
I have followed you
So on we march
Our feet cold
Our hearts beating
In rythmic blows
Our ribs to pound
I hear a sound
But for no reason
She ignores
My words
Of warning
Turn back the road is long
It is wrong for you to go
Through rain wind sleet snow and freezing
I have followed you
Day by day grows shorter
Nearing our end we forward march
There is no running to be had
Closer we go to our destination
What foul awaits we yet do not know
Closer to our destination
Over fallen comrades bodies we march
We sent them in with hopes of conquering
The fickle opposite sex's heart
our foe
Turn back the road is long
It is wrong for you to go
Through rain wind sleet snow and freezing
I have followed you
I have folowed you
On we march
Our destination nearing
Our fate more and more overdue
So my friend I sit here grieving
Of that fickle heart by which my companion was slain
I have followed you
But no more can I continue
No more can I warn my valient friend
You are dead now I lie grieving
For now I no longer can know you
Depression
Darkness eats up my inside
a fear i must hide
i present myself a lightened face
showing nothing to my disgrace
it is harder now than it was before
my riches of emotion grow no more
i get tired of this weary world
it will be time soon...
Be...
be my god
be my angel
be my heaven
be my soul
be my life
give me purpose
let me know you
be my god
be my angel
be my heaven
be my soul
be my life
be forgiveness
let me be complete
be my god
be my angel
be my heaven
be my hell
can you find forgiveness?
can you find the hole?
fill me with your desire
fill me with you enlightened heart
fill me with joy everlasting
find my purpose let me know
be my god
be my angel
be my heaven
be my hell
banish all corruption
banish the light within my soul
remove the darkness that inhabits me
let be one once more
extinguish the fire in my eyes
remove this feeling from my heart
remove my brains sensations
let it be...
let it be...
let it be my cleansing
for a renewal
be my god
be my angel
be my heaven
be my soul
be my life
give me purpose
let me know you
The Shower
Standing still the water cascading down my face,
tears sear my soul apart,
slowly one by one they mingle running down my body
soap!
soap!
I need to be clean
soap!
soap!
every wrinkle a stain
puffy faced,
rubbed raw skin,
I need to be thin
I need... I need...
the blood trickles,
hypnotic swirls twirl round the plug hole
tomorrows another day
another day
another day so they always say
tears, sweat, blood,
mixing again in all these years,
I wished these times would never come
Tears
Today I cried
once more I lay down by my side
the broken heart of love lost
the vapours fresh
the pain burning
the memories like bitter drops of lemon on a dry tongue
I've cried all I am able
it is all too new
the shock intense
the sorrow and loss immense
love lingering never to be returned
it is time to crush it underfoot
it is time for my renewal and the beginning of a new day
I shall cry more
I will never know the reasoning
but I will know my strength in that which is to become
the days that shall not repeat the cycle of old
i bite my vein
the blood wells up against my ivory
the iron taste explodes the tongue
my memory shall be in my deeds not my intentions...
This one is for you
waking up
anger pumping
head hurts
eyes washed dry and raw
mouth tasting the bitterness
you'll never know
you'll never see
showering again
drying slowly
mournfully
dressing
painfully
you'll never know
you'll never see
clouded head
cotton wool ears
shaving
should i slip
bleeding slightly
you'll never know
you'll never see
drip drip drip
running the taps
steam rising
as all three mix
plughole attractive
you'll never know
you'll never see
prickling skin
steamrollering brain
stinging cuts
coverings needed
blotchy cheeks
you'll never know
you'll never see
the end of this is nearer than you'd think
the knife cuts well
Sellotape across the vein
elastoplast the same
finding ways to cope
finding a sense of purpose
hope
exploring the fears
finding reasons
looking day to day
finding a direction
searching in places
afresh and new
rebirth and re evaluation
coding
learning
living
breathing
hurting
sealing
loving
dying
spending so much time crying
eating
mourning
drinking
snorting
laughing
fighting
awaking
rejoicing
there is life in these things
smiling for the futility
smiling for the hope that may never be
smiling for the emptiness is in me once more
fire and ice brand my soul
a searing a scoulding
a letting of the juices
a tissue wiping away the tears
what removes the fears?
hope? perhaps
trust, love and hapiness?
to die is luxury
living tortures
painlessness the way to go
finding emptiness
a peaceful space
opinions on what to do next
time approaches
drugs fade
love lost
lust
i find hope in the feelings that betray
i find acceptance in failure
love is my goal
lust a pounding wave on
this terrace
uniform in its simplicity
respect diminished
lustful conquest increasingly hopeful
cutting eyeballs free from the pain
cutting those observastions
like threads on a tapestry
it needs to be removed the missed stitch
tightened
corrected...
Feelings
betrayal of thought
givers of trust
loss of innocence
loss of knowledge
loss of hope
Elemental
Even the stillest of air has its fluctuations,
Vibrations and swirls of chaos.
How my heart flits and flutters
Chasing, evading, raging
With the torrents of the lifeblood of time
Water cools and breathes
Lust finds fulfilment
Aching bones, muscles and scraped skin
Flesh finds homes
Satisfaction abounds
Fire rages deep into the soul
Comfort in the searing heat
Warm mutterings in my timeless place
Faces fading burnt to dust
From whence we came so unto we return
A stoney embrace greets my worldweary form
Never shall the earth replace my former self
In death I find the greetings former left
I'll find a fulfilment not achieved in lifes bosom
Goodnight sweet prince
Goodbye
Godspeed
Whatever happens it cant be worse than this...
Pass the gun
Pass the gun
Lets unload
One for me
Watch the eyes explode
See the putrifying corpse
No remorse
We live in uncertain times
Race and religion suddenly are crimes
Dignity is lost
Anger fuelled
Bitterness
A world revulsed
Picking up papers
Reading reports
What of those poor innocents thoughts?
Violence solves nothing
Fear is control?
Lies led us here
We've only ourself to blame
Who supplied the weapons?
Who suplied the training?
Who started it?
We did
Who shoud we blame?
Anyone else...apparently
Im not sorry at all
I don't believe your cause
Let me live for me not to fill your pockets
A bullet solves nothing
A funeral comforts none
Terror in your own backyard?
Terror in your houses
Parliament and Lords, Representative and Senate awake
remove your adders' heads
Let me live each day as I please
Let us all live
No more deaths in my name
Each picture sickens me
Let me control my best interests
Kill Me
Your voices' speak such tales
my mind yet hopes
prevalance is the key
Die bit** die
kill me
destination: the embrace of death
fake love
fake passion
fake emotions
becomes part of the fashion
how can we love those weve never known?
how can we trust those we thought we knew?
destination
purgatory
residence
the never ending story
lust devours our souls
consumation makes us whole?
we'll find our hearts beded in stone
we'll find our minds wrote the epitaph
the beats register on the monitor's graph
the pulse eratic pumps the slab cold muscles
blood spews forth
the wound open once more
holiness, sinfulness
godliness, devilry
we make that choice each day
each breast rythmically rising in potential
we are all the dead in animation
our festering wretched bodies
propel us to our destination
each turningpoint
experiences
to mutate the form
staggering on we gain faith
hope becomes our sole reason
praying, believing, penance, confession
escape needed
Exit this way...--->
pop off the cap
take a sip
taste the sourness of this existence
one last time
sort the pile
line them up
one by one
soon there will be none
destination: death's embrace
A love unending
my angel i want to hold you till we die amongst the falling amber
leaves
i want to kiss you while the wind ruffles our hair
tears mixing with the rain
Awakening
Oh that I had the voice to tell you
oh that I had the words to say
would you listen? I doubt it
do you care? I don't suppose you could anyway
I want to wake with you each morning
I want to start with you each day
fate has never been on my side
and you never think of me that way
I laugh for fear of crying
I smile when my world comes tumbling down
I let you inside and now I'm forever haunted
your voice forever echoing round
I went to the park this evening
and as the smudgy sun set beyond the clouds
I looked up and thought of you
and in that sky my hopes were drowned
You'll never love me
I doubt you know I care
You always look so beautiful
and your talk of him makes me despair
I know you'll never find me attractive in that way
but you find bad men who hurt you
each one makes that thin thread of your life fray
my love I'd die to be with you
my love you need only ask
but you are just part of my imagination
its all a sad fruitless task
I love a dream for she tells me what I need to hear
I'll never get to be with her but I no longer care
My dreams hurt me when I awake to find it is no more
but I'm getting stronger now one day Ill find that one...
muse on an emotion
She unfurled her wings and gained flight
a soul to heaven
my love she never knew what it was to be
she never knew the warmth of love
never a kiss touched those lips
no sweet smells to her nose
a life in shadow
and yet she would shine
too early has she gone
adieu sweet thing
Lilly
Marching down those grey streets
mind a whirl
the reddening sky
as flames flicker higher
lapping at the gates of eternity
spirits hauled down from grace
a figure glides forward
hands outstretched
the blood seeping through the fingers
he tosses her aside
the body slumps
head tilted
the neck snapped
forwards forwards
ever on ever closer
slower
the hooks now stabbing at his chest
spinning his cane
the chains are knocked aside
i wanted to know her again
she has the answers
she is my answer
Voices louder like a tempest
screaching inside the mind
leaves rustling the trees apart
thunder crackles
the wounds imploding in his arm
I'm coming my angel
You need no longer fear
lopsidedly staggering
swiping at the ghosts of his memories
the cane falls to the ground
a shudder as further thunder cracks
lip bleeding
pools ink blots on the pavement
slumping forward now
hair whipping cruelly at the weathered features
a face like a mountain
all features building
towards his prominent nose
blinded by the wind
hatred fueling his flaming soul
slowing
the gas lantern marking the corner flickers out
cockrels crowing
time is getting short
a bell tolls
the tower lightening
sunrise glistening
picking out the windows like jewels on an uneaven crown
the rusted gate opens
screaching its anouncement to the guarding gargoyles
wings flapping
feathers flying
mingling with earth and leaves
seaspray flying
rocks crashing into the sea
water on fire
Down down
ducking
the footsteps echo
air trembling
silence disturbed
not for so long
where is she?
my lilly
where is my lilly?
what have they done to you?
where are those features I adore?
those eyes I need to see them oncemore
the river rising
the sun climbing
shadows returning to their slavish daylight existence
the rats scatter
a legbone flies through the air
shattering into splinters on the pillar
a skull rolls to the doorway
there it meets a foot
a frenzied rumaging
a ring finds purchase on the back of the head
collapsing over the shrowd and strewn limbs
lilly...my lilly
where are you?
i cant see anymore
all i can smell is the wretched decay
i know you are here my sweet
a finger meets the clasp
thunder echoes
the door closes
blood oozing
rats gathering
the carrion is now theirs
listen you might learn something
a broken heart
a tearstained face
petals floating to the floor
curtains knotting in the wind
flames flickering
a cobweb
the dinner prepared those days ago
ruined by a misplaced word
you should have stayed still
its winter now and times have changed
the ticking of the grandfather clock
echoes the despairing soul
a lifeless cat
a stained pictureframe
mantlepiece in disarray
these days never change
flowers blackened in a sideskewed vase
bed unmade
bottles tinkling as the door scatters them aside
candles burnt
scents now gone
a hole where once they lay
tears tear the soul apart
rain is now the season
why couldn't it be?
a confession
a voice shines out through the chaos of my mind
nothing important nothing too unimportant is our verse
ive loved you from the moment i knew you
nothing is sacred or hidden
our souls rejoice in the constant rebirth
penance and waiting
my only hope of salvation and the key to the freeing and uniting of our souls
perfume
perfume
the smell of you is bliss
a lazy night
a bottle of wine
a rose laid on the pillow
how should i treat you?
fantasy
subconscious
dreams
all these things
make me
losing heat
losing heart
head in the clouds
mind wondering
embracing the lust
love is an ideal
shelter me from my fears
find my nightmares' demons
ill take the cross you take the axe
tonight my avenging angel
lets take them all
eternity will never be enough
well what shall i say?
its been a while
i can see you now
that devious smile
you can't win you know
youll find your comfort in your festering sin
i have to wait till its just crawling skin
death is too good for the likes of you
your evil coal black heart
feels only joyless pain
dance!
dance!
spin!
a rotten wooden box
a bloodied stone
a stained smock
a locked shut soul
you cant escape
sin!
sin!
you'll never win
you are tied to the ground now
no sweet glories for you
none of us are going to heaven
but i never stole others chances
burning!
burning!
our souls are now eternity's flame
a famine in the hearts of others
a pox on their heads
they deserve pity
they shall know his name
they are written in the book
warmth!
warmth!
it is so cold here
thank you sweet bretheran
the fire suits
the ground's embrace
your discrace
we shall fight for eternity
you shall never gain peace
vengence is overflowing
there are some things time can never control
eternity will never be enough
None of us are going to heaven
None of us are going to heaven
ill see you on the other side my dear
burning
turning
eyes rolling
none of us are going to heaven
so why do you try?
Finding a way to fill the void
to rebuild
to no longer claim
destruction
is present
typing away
finding distractions
filling the void
trying to avoid
saying
the truth
trying to grow
started too slow
want to be stronger
but can i be much wronger?
voids will be filled
when new blood is spilled
fresh from the
self enduced
self pitying hollow
eyes seek the light
heart filled
with mallice
with spite
revenge will be slow
the seeds will grow
sown as they are by your destruction
you treat your friends poor
ill win the war
you will be destroyed
by your own selfishness
blood is no reason
its nowt to do with your season
you claim it too much
but its you not chemicals
you are your own destruction
i can bear it no more
youve driven me away
i cant help you no more
not that you tried listening
or taking it before
you stole and you cheated
lied and defeated
your best chance
you can not save yourself
i will no longer try
i will not weap
for the deception you have
i shall no longer lose sleep
the wounds are getting deeper
your confesser defender and preacher can no longer protect you
kill that vine
die at poisoned wine
the lie you live has lasted to long
revenge is best served cold
but mine is still hot
vengence will be obtained
when you suffer you have brought it upon yourself
self enduced
self promoted
you seek the punishment but cannot take the pain
this is life
this is but a game in which no part is cast
all is to play for
repentence cannot be stolen cannot be paid for
i shall not forgive
to forgive would be to release
to suggest it is finished and all has ceased
the void will be filled and on that day
you will as always complain it didnt go your way
but how can it when all you do
is stew in the hatred the loathing you start and spread
your lazy and foolish
you tire to slow
before day is half done
your ready to go
to the bed you had left just an hour ago
this part of me is dying and will soon be dead
the creaper you wrapped round my vine will be no longer ahead
new growth has begun and you cannot touch
you will have pain
you will have sorrow
all of us die lonely
but mine shall not be tomorrow
my roots are stronger
you can no longer steal from me
ive got my nutrients
ive got seeds
not of hatred or despise
not of impurity thinly disguised
not of faith secretly dead
hidden from view
i do not seek repentence i dont believe i can receive
but you do
seeds spread cast and sown
fill the void to overflow
a cold heart receives new life
a fire is created
a soul is heated
hatred diminishes
new life has begun
no longer two creapers grow
just this one
To find the whole
To find the whole
to fulfill the soul
to climb
to soar
to fly
to love
to die
to taste the sweetness
to distain the biterness
to keep from harm
to burn
to cheat is
to eat of it
to lie
to be blinded and gagged
to be tortured is to be thankful
to be taught and told
to have your dreams stolen and sold
this is a life searching the voids
to find the whole
Hatred
Hatred now fills the void
this disease increases
and will not avoid
its target is clear its
plain to see
she shall die
death is too good
pain must live
it must be slow
i no longer forgive
youve done me wrong
the guilt is yours
the pain is mine and fruitful to
i shall get the best of you
vengence will be served in ice
lonely
your words cut me
your flaming heart burns me
your eyes blind
your touch is ice
your lips are poison
your skin a translucent covering
you hide in clothes
you hide in dance
you hide in song
you hide in my mind
i canot find you
i cannot be with you
you will destroy my frail heart
Roo
poor little girl so confused,
a life with no fun,
and now your done?
time to go?
time to stay?
does anyone care anyway?
at the end your all alone
the circle completed
what ended has now begun
youve had your time in the sun
the burn is close
the skin crawls
the flesh festers
the skin translucent
your body wracked with guilt
the knife you stole
driven in deep to the hilt
wounds self inflicted
heal the least
it was you not me
who was the beast
guilt is payment
sorrow in your strife
but now youve haunted me
it returns,
your life gains momentum in its despairing demise
the body deceased
the lifeless eyes
A day
A day is a dream
a dream is a day
one will pass
the other lives away
life is forgotten
in that which fades
dreams break on sunlight
the feelings to fade
illusions are memories
forgotten by all
a future impossible
The Dark
It holds my tears
creates my fears
in the dark
in the dark
it tears my soul
makes me whole
in the dark
in the dark
i find myself at its will
an all to easily taken bitter pill
life can hide from me no more
its remnants sinking through the floor
in my tomb it shall greet me
in the womb it reached me
in the dark
in the dark
in the dark my face is lost
in the dark my body becomes
in the dark
in the dark
past and present merge
sulphurous fires stench and scorch
pain and suffering without the touch
reach me
teach me
find me
hide me
keep me safe
keep me whole
keep me from that bitter goal
kill me
split me
hit me
kick me
bite me
knife me
stab me
hit me
jab me
let me be
let me see
nothingness
for in the dark
i am one
with everything
ive become
with what i was
what i could be
its all too plain to see
but in the dark i am safe
none need see this face
so in it i hide
in it i fear
in it i am protected from the searing
flesh muscle bone and bile
mucus fresh intestines vile
that future holds should past be undone
and examined for me as everyone
is due and will find in apocalyptic time
when our goddess our god our maker our makers
take out that ticker taper
examine with their eyes
all the deceit and the lies
and so it shall be and come to pass
beware my friends beware your past
learn from it
yearn for parts of it
but never let what is done... become...
anger
anger seeps up inside
out it drives
that which made sense
that which could release the tense-ness
darkness it grows
the light inside goes
the heart once warm
now remains cold
love drives this soul
blackened like coal
forward it marches
forward it stumbles
tripping and falling
head over heels
this heartfelt feeling seals
the tears from his eyes
no longer he cries
for that which was lost
no longer surives
so she dies
he fails to cry
why should he?
shiver
its cold
to shiver
is to display
its hot
to sweat
is to betray
hot
cold
hot
cold
oil is icy
water is coal
sweat is sweet
sour is defeat
love is a temple ransacked by thieves
hatred is a palace surrounded by trees
apathy is beauty in a dead souless world
feeling is betrayal
a death twice cold
Coldness
life is cold
death is warm
a blanket of soil
from whence we were born
ashes to dust
cars to rust
pollution chokes
old men croak
films cover the eyes
plugs the nose
hair is brittle
frozen toes
mugging
rape
murder
they cry
but nothing leaves those film covered eyes
its getting warmer the lantern approaches
old men wheeze
the young bones freeze
coldness moves
warmth grows stronger
the fires burn brighter
as the raven crowns its glories in the skies above
farewell comitment farewell love
the plague is strong the bodies weak
all round the famlies fail to weep
fleeing for life protection from harm
not even priests can renew calm
death is certain
we know not what form
we must cherish life and the love tho it too is warm
slowly we die day by day cradle to grave
we live a dying life
a song to be sung
when church bells knell
and carol begun
christmas is a time forsaken by hope
a burning fire
a rug
a chair
a pipe
but what of the alter?
what of the price that keeping warm tonight,
denies our vices,
denies our shame,
that we shall be merry
for its that time agin?
the cold is crisp bracing some say
but it is a warnig stay clear away
do not give birth
do not provide death with more fodder to consume
in its icy breath
its grip on steel to swing swiftly down
on village on city on town
the warmth approaches
death cannot be far
we run we hide
from that devil ridden car
it will take us under its wheels
no rubber burning no squeels other than delight
from the children who find a soul replaced once more at christmas time
the box is pretty
its worth too high
a soul escapes
my oh my
hello my grave
hello my tombstone
i know you well
i carved and dug you on my own
i know the warmth that the earth provides
i know the sweat
i know the lies
i know death
so here i lie
the earth's treasure
warming on the fires of my sin
A lament / A warning
She is going
I cannot stop her
She is travelling far and wide
Her path she sees is set straightly
But I see bends in the road
Behind the corners she will be taken
Walking by without a care
But wind blows strong
Rain is freezing
And yet she doesnt care
Turn back the road is long
It is wrong for you to go
Through rain wind sleet snow and freezing
I have followed you
So on we march
Our feet cold
Our hearts beating
In rythmic blows
Our ribs to pound
I hear a sound
But for no reason
She ignores
My words
Of warning
Turn back the road is long
It is wrong for you to go
Through rain wind sleet snow and freezing
I have followed you
Day by day grows shorter
Nearing our end we forward march
There is no running to be had
Closer we go to our destination
What foul awaits we yet do not know
Closer to our destination
Over fallen comrades bodies we march
We sent them in with hopes of conquering
The fickle opposite sex's heart
our foe
Turn back the road is long
It is wrong for you to go
Through rain wind sleet snow and freezing
I have followed you
I have folowed you
On we march
Our destination nearing
Our fate more and more overdue
So my friend I sit here grieving
Of that fickle heart by which my companion was slain
I have followed you
But no more can I continue
No more can I warn my valient friend
You are dead now I lie grieving
For now I no longer can know you
Depression
Darkness eats up my inside
a fear i must hide
i present myself a lightened face
showing nothing to my disgrace
it is harder now than it was before
my riches of emotion grow no more
i get tired of this weary world
it will be time soon...
Be...
be my god
be my angel
be my heaven
be my soul
be my life
give me purpose
let me know you
be my god
be my angel
be my heaven
be my soul
be my life
be forgiveness
let me be complete
be my god
be my angel
be my heaven
be my hell
can you find forgiveness?
can you find the hole?
fill me with your desire
fill me with you enlightened heart
fill me with joy everlasting
find my purpose let me know
be my god
be my angel
be my heaven
be my hell
banish all corruption
banish the light within my soul
remove the darkness that inhabits me
let be one once more
extinguish the fire in my eyes
remove this feeling from my heart
remove my brains sensations
let it be...
let it be...
let it be my cleansing
for a renewal
be my god
be my angel
be my heaven
be my soul
be my life
give me purpose
let me know you
The Shower
Standing still the water cascading down my face,
tears sear my soul apart,
slowly one by one they mingle running down my body
soap!
soap!
I need to be clean
soap!
soap!
every wrinkle a stain
puffy faced,
rubbed raw skin,
I need to be thin
I need... I need...
the blood trickles,
hypnotic swirls twirl round the plug hole
tomorrows another day
another day
another day so they always say
tears, sweat, blood,
mixing again in all these years,
I wished these times would never come
Tears
Today I cried
once more I lay down by my side
the broken heart of love lost
the vapours fresh
the pain burning
the memories like bitter drops of lemon on a dry tongue
I've cried all I am able
it is all too new
the shock intense
the sorrow and loss immense
love lingering never to be returned
it is time to crush it underfoot
it is time for my renewal and the beginning of a new day
I shall cry more
I will never know the reasoning
but I will know my strength in that which is to become
the days that shall not repeat the cycle of old
i bite my vein
the blood wells up against my ivory
the iron taste explodes the tongue
my memory shall be in my deeds not my intentions...
This one is for you
waking up
anger pumping
head hurts
eyes washed dry and raw
mouth tasting the bitterness
you'll never know
you'll never see
showering again
drying slowly
mournfully
dressing
painfully
you'll never know
you'll never see
clouded head
cotton wool ears
shaving
should i slip
bleeding slightly
you'll never know
you'll never see
drip drip drip
running the taps
steam rising
as all three mix
plughole attractive
you'll never know
you'll never see
prickling skin
steamrollering brain
stinging cuts
coverings needed
blotchy cheeks
you'll never know
you'll never see
the end of this is nearer than you'd think
the knife cuts well
Sellotape across the vein
elastoplast the same
finding ways to cope
finding a sense of purpose
hope
exploring the fears
finding reasons
looking day to day
finding a direction
searching in places
afresh and new
rebirth and re evaluation
coding
learning
living
breathing
hurting
sealing
loving
dying
spending so much time crying
eating
mourning
drinking
snorting
laughing
fighting
awaking
rejoicing
there is life in these things
smiling for the futility
smiling for the hope that may never be
smiling for the emptiness is in me once more
fire and ice brand my soul
a searing a scoulding
a letting of the juices
a tissue wiping away the tears
what removes the fears?
hope? perhaps
trust, love and hapiness?
to die is luxury
living tortures
painlessness the way to go
finding emptiness
a peaceful space
opinions on what to do next
time approaches
drugs fade
love lost
lust
i find hope in the feelings that betray
i find acceptance in failure
love is my goal
lust a pounding wave on
this terrace
uniform in its simplicity
respect diminished
lustful conquest increasingly hopeful
cutting eyeballs free from the pain
cutting those observastions
like threads on a tapestry
it needs to be removed the missed stitch
tightened
corrected...
Feelings
betrayal of thought
givers of trust
loss of innocence
loss of knowledge
loss of hope
Elemental
Even the stillest of air has its fluctuations,
Vibrations and swirls of chaos.
How my heart flits and flutters
Chasing, evading, raging
With the torrents of the lifeblood of time
Water cools and breathes
Lust finds fulfilment
Aching bones, muscles and scraped skin
Flesh finds homes
Satisfaction abounds
Fire rages deep into the soul
Comfort in the searing heat
Warm mutterings in my timeless place
Faces fading burnt to dust
From whence we came so unto we return
A stoney embrace greets my worldweary form
Never shall the earth replace my former self
In death I find the greetings former left
I'll find a fulfilment not achieved in lifes bosom
Goodnight sweet prince
Goodbye
Godspeed
Whatever happens it cant be worse than this...
Pass the gun
Pass the gun
Lets unload
One for me
Watch the eyes explode
See the putrifying corpse
No remorse
We live in uncertain times
Race and religion suddenly are crimes
Dignity is lost
Anger fuelled
Bitterness
A world revulsed
Picking up papers
Reading reports
What of those poor innocents thoughts?
Violence solves nothing
Fear is control?
Lies led us here
We've only ourself to blame
Who supplied the weapons?
Who suplied the training?
Who started it?
We did
Who shoud we blame?
Anyone else...apparently
Im not sorry at all
I don't believe your cause
Let me live for me not to fill your pockets
A bullet solves nothing
A funeral comforts none
Terror in your own backyard?
Terror in your houses
Parliament and Lords, Representative and Senate awake
remove your adders' heads
Let me live each day as I please
Let us all live
No more deaths in my name
Each picture sickens me
Let me control my best interests
Kill Me
Your voices' speak such tales
my mind yet hopes
prevalance is the key
Die bit** die
kill me
destination: the embrace of death
fake love
fake passion
fake emotions
becomes part of the fashion
how can we love those weve never known?
how can we trust those we thought we knew?
destination
purgatory
residence
the never ending story
lust devours our souls
consumation makes us whole?
we'll find our hearts beded in stone
we'll find our minds wrote the epitaph
the beats register on the monitor's graph
the pulse eratic pumps the slab cold muscles
blood spews forth
the wound open once more
holiness, sinfulness
godliness, devilry
we make that choice each day
each breast rythmically rising in potential
we are all the dead in animation
our festering wretched bodies
propel us to our destination
each turningpoint
experiences
to mutate the form
staggering on we gain faith
hope becomes our sole reason
praying, believing, penance, confession
escape needed
Exit this way...--->
pop off the cap
take a sip
taste the sourness of this existence
one last time
sort the pile
line them up
one by one
soon there will be none
destination: death's embrace
A love unending
my angel i want to hold you till we die amongst the falling amber
leaves
i want to kiss you while the wind ruffles our hair
tears mixing with the rain
Awakening
Oh that I had the voice to tell you
oh that I had the words to say
would you listen? I doubt it
do you care? I don't suppose you could anyway
I want to wake with you each morning
I want to start with you each day
fate has never been on my side
and you never think of me that way
I laugh for fear of crying
I smile when my world comes tumbling down
I let you inside and now I'm forever haunted
your voice forever echoing round
I went to the park this evening
and as the smudgy sun set beyond the clouds
I looked up and thought of you
and in that sky my hopes were drowned
You'll never love me
I doubt you know I care
You always look so beautiful
and your talk of him makes me despair
I know you'll never find me attractive in that way
but you find bad men who hurt you
each one makes that thin thread of your life fray
my love I'd die to be with you
my love you need only ask
but you are just part of my imagination
its all a sad fruitless task
I love a dream for she tells me what I need to hear
I'll never get to be with her but I no longer care
My dreams hurt me when I awake to find it is no more
but I'm getting stronger now one day Ill find that one...
muse on an emotion
She unfurled her wings and gained flight
a soul to heaven
my love she never knew what it was to be
she never knew the warmth of love
never a kiss touched those lips
no sweet smells to her nose
a life in shadow
and yet she would shine
too early has she gone
adieu sweet thing
Lilly
Marching down those grey streets
mind a whirl
the reddening sky
as flames flicker higher
lapping at the gates of eternity
spirits hauled down from grace
a figure glides forward
hands outstretched
the blood seeping through the fingers
he tosses her aside
the body slumps
head tilted
the neck snapped
forwards forwards
ever on ever closer
slower
the hooks now stabbing at his chest
spinning his cane
the chains are knocked aside
i wanted to know her again
she has the answers
she is my answer
Voices louder like a tempest
screaching inside the mind
leaves rustling the trees apart
thunder crackles
the wounds imploding in his arm
I'm coming my angel
You need no longer fear
lopsidedly staggering
swiping at the ghosts of his memories
the cane falls to the ground
a shudder as further thunder cracks
lip bleeding
pools ink blots on the pavement
slumping forward now
hair whipping cruelly at the weathered features
a face like a mountain
all features building
towards his prominent nose
blinded by the wind
hatred fueling his flaming soul
slowing
the gas lantern marking the corner flickers out
cockrels crowing
time is getting short
a bell tolls
the tower lightening
sunrise glistening
picking out the windows like jewels on an uneaven crown
the rusted gate opens
screaching its anouncement to the guarding gargoyles
wings flapping
feathers flying
mingling with earth and leaves
seaspray flying
rocks crashing into the sea
water on fire
Down down
ducking
the footsteps echo
air trembling
silence disturbed
not for so long
where is she?
my lilly
where is my lilly?
what have they done to you?
where are those features I adore?
those eyes I need to see them oncemore
the river rising
the sun climbing
shadows returning to their slavish daylight existence
the rats scatter
a legbone flies through the air
shattering into splinters on the pillar
a skull rolls to the doorway
there it meets a foot
a frenzied rumaging
a ring finds purchase on the back of the head
collapsing over the shrowd and strewn limbs
lilly...my lilly
where are you?
i cant see anymore
all i can smell is the wretched decay
i know you are here my sweet
a finger meets the clasp
thunder echoes
the door closes
blood oozing
rats gathering
the carrion is now theirs
listen you might learn something
a broken heart
a tearstained face
petals floating to the floor
curtains knotting in the wind
flames flickering
a cobweb
the dinner prepared those days ago
ruined by a misplaced word
you should have stayed still
its winter now and times have changed
the ticking of the grandfather clock
echoes the despairing soul
a lifeless cat
a stained pictureframe
mantlepiece in disarray
these days never change
flowers blackened in a sideskewed vase
bed unmade
bottles tinkling as the door scatters them aside
candles burnt
scents now gone
a hole where once they lay
tears tear the soul apart
rain is now the season
why couldn't it be?
a confession
a voice shines out through the chaos of my mind
nothing important nothing too unimportant is our verse
ive loved you from the moment i knew you
nothing is sacred or hidden
our souls rejoice in the constant rebirth
penance and waiting
my only hope of salvation and the key to the freeing and uniting of our souls
perfume
perfume
the smell of you is bliss
a lazy night
a bottle of wine
a rose laid on the pillow
how should i treat you?
fantasy
subconscious
dreams
all these things
make me
losing heat
losing heart
head in the clouds
mind wondering
embracing the lust
love is an ideal
shelter me from my fears
find my nightmares' demons
ill take the cross you take the axe
tonight my avenging angel
lets take them all
eternity will never be enough
well what shall i say?
its been a while
i can see you now
that devious smile
you can't win you know
youll find your comfort in your festering sin
i have to wait till its just crawling skin
death is too good for the likes of you
your evil coal black heart
feels only joyless pain
dance!
dance!
spin!
a rotten wooden box
a bloodied stone
a stained smock
a locked shut soul
you cant escape
sin!
sin!
you'll never win
you are tied to the ground now
no sweet glories for you
none of us are going to heaven
but i never stole others chances
burning!
burning!
our souls are now eternity's flame
a famine in the hearts of others
a pox on their heads
they deserve pity
they shall know his name
they are written in the book
warmth!
warmth!
it is so cold here
thank you sweet bretheran
the fire suits
the ground's embrace
your discrace
we shall fight for eternity
you shall never gain peace
vengence is overflowing
there are some things time can never control
eternity will never be enough
None of us are going to heaven
None of us are going to heaven
ill see you on the other side my dear
burning
turning
eyes rolling
none of us are going to heaven
so why do you try?
