Movie Endings
Created | Updated Oct 31, 2003
He finds Nemo.
The boat sinks.
Rosebud was his sled.
He was dead all the time, and it's got nothing to do with Toni Collette.
Water kills them ( but they still came to a planet that's 70% water. Go figure ... )
He dosen't kill the kid, but gets frozen in the maze.
His agent tells him that if he wrote a book about it, it'd go to the top of the bestseller list. And look, there's his number one fan ...
He brings down the Ten Commandments.
It was Earth all along, you damn bastards. God damn you all to hell ..
He realises that people do need him after all, and Clarence gets his wings.
Han turns up, and they destroy the Death Star.
Han gets frozen, and they have to wait three years to find out what happens next.
They have a barbeque with Ewoks. That's with, not of ..
He escapes, and ends up eating his doctor.
He escapes, with one less hand than before.
he doesn't escape, but asks for a name.
He dresses up as his dead mother.
He was actually sane for the entire movie, until his real mother turns up, and gets twatted with a spade.
The nun gets killed by accident, but everyone thinks he's mad ( which he is ).
He realises he shouldn't have come back for a fourth one.
Lester gets shot, but he's O.K about it.
They all get a shag ( including Willow from Buffy )
Nobody understands what's going on. But the closing music is quite cool, and might work well if they ever bring the series back for the next generation.
Khan is dead.
Spock is dead. Except he isn't.
Rathe stays around til after the closing credits, and turns out to be Moriarty.
The same gag gets used again, except that he's called 'M' for most of the movie, and Sean Connery is called 'Q'.
Harry leaves Hogwarts for the school holidays.
Harry leaves Hogwarts for the school holidays ( again ).
Del reveals that his wife died eight years ago, so Neil takes him home for thanksgiving.
The woman who used to be Alicia Witt goes on about how they're all the notes on his "great big piano of love" ( or something )
He gets up and vanishes. Donald Plesance looks concerned.
The hospital ( and he ) catches fire. Donald Pleasnce looks concerned.
She actually does leave, and Gregory Peck has to stay in Rome.
She goes back for the cat, and snogs George Peppard in the rain.
She and Fred Astaire dance a bit.
She can't work out what Cary Grant's real name is, and the clip gets used twenty years later in Pretty Woman.
She finally gets a leading man that isn't three times her age, and shows her bare back.
The T-Rex comes in, and they escape.
The funeral ends, and the child grins to camera in a way that gets used by Charlie Brooks for her cliffhangers in Eastenders.
The Museum is burning down, and the teenager grins to camera in a way that - oh, it's sort of the same.
He doesn't grin this time, because he has a dagger in his back.
Sara Gilbert kills Drew Barrymore, and there hasn't been any of the promised lesbian sex scenes. Perhaps in the sequels ...
He wakes up, and everything has been changed for the better. But then the Doc turns up, and asks him to go back ...
They sort everything out, but then the Doc gets struck by lightning, and he's stuck in 1955, and there's no car ...
They sort everything out, and he gets back, but his girlfriend is played by someone else now.
Its MRS Vorhees! Yes, really!
NOW it's Jason.
This time, too, but with some voodoo mixed in.
Yeah, again, although it's clearly dull now.
They're slightly closer to Mount Doom than they were before.
Now they're even closer.
Haven't seen (or read) it yet, but my money's on a Hobbit dying before the end.
It's Billy Loomis and the other one.
It's the one no-one can remember and Roseanne's sister.
Nobody even cares. ( But it was Sidney's half-brother. )
He watches a montage of all the kisses that were censored by the priest.
They all die ( exept possibly the girl, who's still on the other side of the road ).
She keeps him by the bedside until sunrise, which kills him.
He makes a cross out of a pair of candlesticks, and forces Dracula into the sunlight, which kills him.
They play russian roulette. You can guess the rest.
Audiences can't decide if he's a replicant or not. ( But Ridley Scott can: he is ).
He accepts that he's dead, and lets Holly Hunter shag the new boy.
It turns out to be Phelps, and there's an explosion in the Eurotunnel.
There's less plot, but at least there's Thandie.
They get each other's faces back.
Vega dies, Butch gets away with it, Pumpkin and Honey Bunny get screwed by Marcellus, and the Wolf helps everyone out.
Robert Forseter falls in love, but stays.
It gets cut into two volumes, and we haven't even seen that much of Bill yet.
He pushes Alan Rickman off the skyscraper.
He saves everybody, but his wife is getting pissed off with this sort of thing by now.
He kills Jeremy Irons, but still has a hangover.
Everybody is waiting for him to hiss or something, but he just drinks the milk, and closes the fridge.
You do get to see Beatrice Dalle naked quite a few times more, but she ends up being mad. And dead.
He gets her to go on the plane with Victor. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship ..
Kenny looks like a normal, sweet kid.
Andie McDowell's badly dubbed ( by Glenn Glose ). Nobody actually watched the film.
Andie McDowell's badly dubbed ( by Andie McDowell, oddly enough ). He should have chosen Kristen Scott Thomas.
Kristen Scott Thomas dies in a cave.
Winston accepts that Big Brother is good.
They just think the little old lady is mad, and tell her to keep the cash.
Brian gets nailed to a tree, but is told to look on the bright side.
We didn't get to see quite as much flesh as we were promised, but we do ( sort of ) see Charlie.
There's a little more flesh, plus an 80's brat, but no audience.
We get constantly promised that the film will get made any decade now, and everyone has their own idea as to what Marvin should look like.
We don't get to see as much of Christina Ricci as the trailer suggested, but she does snog Johnny Depp.
Edward stays in the castle, and it begins to snow.
They destroy the Stay-Puft man.
The villain turns out to be John Cage from Ally McBeal. Nobody wants a third.
Kevin Bacon isn't the villain, because it's Denise Richards. Except it isn't, and it was all Neve Campbell's idea. Except that Neve Campbell is dead. Except she isn't, and it was a shame that the lawyer Bill Murray was a scumbag. Except it isn't, because Never Campbell planned it that way.
Bambi's mother is shot.
Christian Slater decides to light her fag by blowing himself up.
Johnny Five is alive!
Johnny Five is still alive! ( now, can somebody shoot the annoying f****r? )
Steve Guttenberg gurns, and grins at naked girls in showers.
He does it again, but there's less showers.
Clearly pissed off with the lack of girls in showers thing, he never comes back.
He finally gets to spend a perfect day with Mommy. True, it's three thousand years later, but what you gonna do?
She dies. But the show must go on ...
They all sing Keroke, hosted by the donkey.
Her arm suddenly shoots up from the grave.
The poster hides his escape tunnel. Now, how did he tack it back behind him?
They have to execute him, even though they know he's innocent.
Demi's hair short = Good film.
Demi's hair long = Bad film + scenes of Demi's breasts.
Demi's hair medium length + Baldwin Clone + God-awful fim, although you do get to see Anne Heche in glasses, and post-coital sweat.
Nobody thinks the ending makes sense ( what, Tim Roth got there before him? How? )
Smile, you son of a bitch!
It chomps down on some electric pylon, plunging Amity into darkness and confusion. Probably.
He makes her a metal finger.
There really is no place like home.
Oh, well: Nobody's perfect ..
The boat sinks.
Rosebud was his sled.
He was dead all the time, and it's got nothing to do with Toni Collette.
Water kills them ( but they still came to a planet that's 70% water. Go figure ... )
He dosen't kill the kid, but gets frozen in the maze.
His agent tells him that if he wrote a book about it, it'd go to the top of the bestseller list. And look, there's his number one fan ...
He brings down the Ten Commandments.
It was Earth all along, you damn bastards. God damn you all to hell ..
He realises that people do need him after all, and Clarence gets his wings.
Han turns up, and they destroy the Death Star.
Han gets frozen, and they have to wait three years to find out what happens next.
They have a barbeque with Ewoks. That's with, not of ..
He escapes, and ends up eating his doctor.
He escapes, with one less hand than before.
he doesn't escape, but asks for a name.
He dresses up as his dead mother.
He was actually sane for the entire movie, until his real mother turns up, and gets twatted with a spade.
The nun gets killed by accident, but everyone thinks he's mad ( which he is ).
He realises he shouldn't have come back for a fourth one.
Lester gets shot, but he's O.K about it.
They all get a shag ( including Willow from Buffy )
Nobody understands what's going on. But the closing music is quite cool, and might work well if they ever bring the series back for the next generation.
Khan is dead.
Spock is dead. Except he isn't.
Rathe stays around til after the closing credits, and turns out to be Moriarty.
The same gag gets used again, except that he's called 'M' for most of the movie, and Sean Connery is called 'Q'.
Harry leaves Hogwarts for the school holidays.
Harry leaves Hogwarts for the school holidays ( again ).
Del reveals that his wife died eight years ago, so Neil takes him home for thanksgiving.
The woman who used to be Alicia Witt goes on about how they're all the notes on his "great big piano of love" ( or something )
He gets up and vanishes. Donald Plesance looks concerned.
The hospital ( and he ) catches fire. Donald Pleasnce looks concerned.
She actually does leave, and Gregory Peck has to stay in Rome.
She goes back for the cat, and snogs George Peppard in the rain.
She and Fred Astaire dance a bit.
She can't work out what Cary Grant's real name is, and the clip gets used twenty years later in Pretty Woman.
She finally gets a leading man that isn't three times her age, and shows her bare back.
The T-Rex comes in, and they escape.
The funeral ends, and the child grins to camera in a way that gets used by Charlie Brooks for her cliffhangers in Eastenders.
The Museum is burning down, and the teenager grins to camera in a way that - oh, it's sort of the same.
He doesn't grin this time, because he has a dagger in his back.
Sara Gilbert kills Drew Barrymore, and there hasn't been any of the promised lesbian sex scenes. Perhaps in the sequels ...
He wakes up, and everything has been changed for the better. But then the Doc turns up, and asks him to go back ...
They sort everything out, but then the Doc gets struck by lightning, and he's stuck in 1955, and there's no car ...
They sort everything out, and he gets back, but his girlfriend is played by someone else now.
Its MRS Vorhees! Yes, really!
NOW it's Jason.
This time, too, but with some voodoo mixed in.
Yeah, again, although it's clearly dull now.
They're slightly closer to Mount Doom than they were before.
Now they're even closer.
Haven't seen (or read) it yet, but my money's on a Hobbit dying before the end.
It's Billy Loomis and the other one.
It's the one no-one can remember and Roseanne's sister.
Nobody even cares. ( But it was Sidney's half-brother. )
He watches a montage of all the kisses that were censored by the priest.
They all die ( exept possibly the girl, who's still on the other side of the road ).
She keeps him by the bedside until sunrise, which kills him.
He makes a cross out of a pair of candlesticks, and forces Dracula into the sunlight, which kills him.
They play russian roulette. You can guess the rest.
Audiences can't decide if he's a replicant or not. ( But Ridley Scott can: he is ).
He accepts that he's dead, and lets Holly Hunter shag the new boy.
It turns out to be Phelps, and there's an explosion in the Eurotunnel.
There's less plot, but at least there's Thandie.
They get each other's faces back.
Vega dies, Butch gets away with it, Pumpkin and Honey Bunny get screwed by Marcellus, and the Wolf helps everyone out.
Robert Forseter falls in love, but stays.
It gets cut into two volumes, and we haven't even seen that much of Bill yet.
He pushes Alan Rickman off the skyscraper.
He saves everybody, but his wife is getting pissed off with this sort of thing by now.
He kills Jeremy Irons, but still has a hangover.
Everybody is waiting for him to hiss or something, but he just drinks the milk, and closes the fridge.
You do get to see Beatrice Dalle naked quite a few times more, but she ends up being mad. And dead.
He gets her to go on the plane with Victor. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship ..
Kenny looks like a normal, sweet kid.
Andie McDowell's badly dubbed ( by Glenn Glose ). Nobody actually watched the film.
Andie McDowell's badly dubbed ( by Andie McDowell, oddly enough ). He should have chosen Kristen Scott Thomas.
Kristen Scott Thomas dies in a cave.
Winston accepts that Big Brother is good.
They just think the little old lady is mad, and tell her to keep the cash.
Brian gets nailed to a tree, but is told to look on the bright side.
We didn't get to see quite as much flesh as we were promised, but we do ( sort of ) see Charlie.
There's a little more flesh, plus an 80's brat, but no audience.
We get constantly promised that the film will get made any decade now, and everyone has their own idea as to what Marvin should look like.
We don't get to see as much of Christina Ricci as the trailer suggested, but she does snog Johnny Depp.
Edward stays in the castle, and it begins to snow.
They destroy the Stay-Puft man.
The villain turns out to be John Cage from Ally McBeal. Nobody wants a third.
Kevin Bacon isn't the villain, because it's Denise Richards. Except it isn't, and it was all Neve Campbell's idea. Except that Neve Campbell is dead. Except she isn't, and it was a shame that the lawyer Bill Murray was a scumbag. Except it isn't, because Never Campbell planned it that way.
Bambi's mother is shot.
Christian Slater decides to light her fag by blowing himself up.
Johnny Five is alive!
Johnny Five is still alive! ( now, can somebody shoot the annoying f****r? )
Steve Guttenberg gurns, and grins at naked girls in showers.
He does it again, but there's less showers.
Clearly pissed off with the lack of girls in showers thing, he never comes back.
He finally gets to spend a perfect day with Mommy. True, it's three thousand years later, but what you gonna do?
She dies. But the show must go on ...
They all sing Keroke, hosted by the donkey.
Her arm suddenly shoots up from the grave.
The poster hides his escape tunnel. Now, how did he tack it back behind him?
They have to execute him, even though they know he's innocent.
Demi's hair short = Good film.
Demi's hair long = Bad film + scenes of Demi's breasts.
Demi's hair medium length + Baldwin Clone + God-awful fim, although you do get to see Anne Heche in glasses, and post-coital sweat.
Nobody thinks the ending makes sense ( what, Tim Roth got there before him? How? )
Smile, you son of a bitch!
It chomps down on some electric pylon, plunging Amity into darkness and confusion. Probably.
He makes her a metal finger.
There really is no place like home.
Oh, well: Nobody's perfect ..
