Preamble

Every so often, I have an idea for a movie. And when this happens, I write it down here as quickly as possible, and promptly forget about it. Please see my homesite for similar bad ideas.

Plot

The film opens in the ending hours of the battle in Iraq. Saddam's regime has collapsed, and there is rejoicing in the streets - rejoicing everywhere, that is, except at the headquarters of the Saddam Look-a-like Guild. Here, twenty Saddam look-a-likes hold their heads in their hands, as they realise all of the political work has dried up now that Saddam is defeated.

There is a knock at the door. Enter Rad Smearman, a disreputable American agent. He proffers a contract, which the Saddam Look-A-Likes all sign, without stopping to read the details...

There is then some character development, which I cannot be bothered to go into right now. I expect that we learn that each Saddam has his own quirks and predelictions. There is the funny Saddam, and the sporty Saddam, and the Saddam with a heart of gold. During this section, they are all bundled into a plane and flown to Atlantic City

The Saddams board a bus, and tour the US with their big budget, synchronised song and dance routine. Starting in Atlantic City they cross the desert, stopping off at small towns on the way, their ultimate destination Vegas.

They are a hit - covers from popular American magazines litter the screen: "A Tour De Force" - Variety, "Moving. Tragic. Beautiful" - The Weekly World News. We follow the bus in its tour across America, peppered with fully choreographed Saddam musical numbers.

We follow the Saddams' relationships - their rivalries, their passions. Gradually they learn to love one another, and they realise that "Family is the only thing that matters".

At the end, it transpires that the real Saddam has been among them all the time - disguised with a false nose to escape persecution. The false nose is possibly knocked off when he tries to save the Saddam with a heart of gold from certain death. Details to be worked out in pre-production.

The army are dispatched to take care of him, but when they train their weapons upon his body, he sings a tragic, soulful version of "Send in the clowns", whilst removing his makeup and peeling off his suspenders. The army go wild - they love him - and hoist him onto their shoulders and carry him the distance to Hollywood. Through love, and teamwork, Saddam has learned the value of life, and the meaning of cabaret.

End with the opening scene from Saddam's first blockbuster movie - as fifty Saddam look-a-likes dance, high-kicking, down a large white staircase. As the camera pans up the stairs we see all of our favourites Saddams from the movie. Smiling. Tears in their eyes.