Puma
Created | Updated Apr 12, 2003
The man insinuated a horse that was comming to a halt by making the sound peter out.
Behind the Chinese Spy, there were two body-guards. The one on the left was tall and male; the one on the right, short and female. Betwixt the two ountry's representatives was a table. The body-guards sat down and took out magazines of an inferioir quality. An ashtray is present along with two smouldering butts.
"I", said the Brit.,"in the name of the Queen, do declare this land to be under the rule of the British Empire."
"It most certainly is not.", said the Chinese. His name was Yee.
"I have recieved the strictist of orders to make it so.", said Britain. His name, in actual fact, was John. He took out his full-sized British flag-on-a-stick (a new invention which can be yours for but the meager sum of £300). He planted it presisly half-way between the two power-houses. Yee was completly taken aback; he never thought it it would come down to flags. This was serious buisness and thus he took out his serious weapon.
He Got up and slapped John in the face with a left black leather glove.
"Take that, you bloody MI6 B*****d."
"Take this, you poor sod!" With that, he slapped Yee with an identical black glove; only a right glove.
At this point, the two body-guards looked up from their magazines of inferior quality and in to each other's faces. There, they proceeded to see nothing. So, they spoke.
"Do you think we should do any thing about all this?", said 4:30 5845 cotes des neiges 535 (better known as Ms. Jean)
"No, I think we can let them alone for now.", said VA2QXY (better known as Mr. Drapeau). With that, they both picked up their notoriously in-acurat agazines and proceede to swamp their minds with the crap in them.
They continued on as such, each time making very much over-reacted shouts of anguish and huge theatrical slaps, until John had enough.
"Enough!", he cried. The body-guards finally were ready to take some action until....
"You'll never catch me alive!"
"Fair enough. I shall wack you into the 'Next World'."
And so, our real adventure starts. Yee took out his bludgeoning tool and gave John a good wack. As John slipped into un-conciouseness, he wondered what the 'Next World' would be like. He had no idea.
When John awoke, he was in the presence of a female. He was still quite bleary eyed and his head was not in a good state ofaffairs; in fact, he had a whopper of a headache.
"Have you any Advil?", said he.
"Actualy, yes. Will you also be taking some carbon based nourishment with that?"
"Yes. Alas, my dotor has ordered me to consume sustenance whenever I take it; he claims that if I don't I will get a hole in my intestine."
"I'll give you some tea and scones."
"I thank you."
As she walked away, he wondered where he was and who the woman was. He also had time to sort out his thoughts. He was indeed quite confused; he had beenin Kowloon and now, it was fairly apperant to him, he was not. Where could he be? He could only guess. What had happened to him? What had been this "Next World"? But, at that time, the lady was of return.
"Here." she said. "Eat some."
He et two of the scones; he'd na et since luch and it was now... later.
"What time is it?"
"16:42 hours."
"I see."
He took the Advil. However, it made him feel no better so he went to sleep. The madam had gone off to do some thing; possibly laundry. Thus he slept.
'I wonder what he is doing here', she thought to herself as she started the ceremony of washing the dishes. She bowed tothe dishes, then bowed to the sink. She then danced over the the first dish, whirled aroundnwith it and placed it, with only two fingers, into the sink at precisely at 100° angle. She then took the washing soap with her left hand, tossed it to her right and poured, while leaning over and lifeting her right leg, a small amount on to the dish. Then, she took the spunge, walked around the kitchen three times withthe spunge held on high, came back to the sink and begane to rub in a counterclockwise motion, then, after 2 passes, the other motion. She did this proceedure for the rest of the pieces of crockery. At about the 5 dish, John came and stood by the door. He had come to get some thign to eat; it was past supper time for him. But, when he found her doing this, he was entranced. He could not figure out why she was doig this. After a few minutes, he asked: "Why are you doing the dishes like that?"
"Oh. You startled me"
"Sorry. I couldn't help but watch."
"Oh. That's alright."
"So, why do you do te dishes like that?"
"Like what?"
"Well, you bow to the sink, you dance with the dishes, you walk around with spunge above your head... It is simply quite strange."
"No it's not. This is the way we have been doing dishes since the dawning of time. Hpw else would we do it?"
"Well", said John, "may I demonstrate?"
"Well, alright, I suppose."
"Good."
He walked over to the sink and gently pushed her aside. She was still a little bit unwillig, though. But, he gently nuged her away with a smile on his face. E took up the sponge and the plate and started to wash it.
"You see, this is the way to wash dishes. As effectivly as possible."
"But, you're not following any of the ritual. Please stop."
"Yes. You act as if you do not know how you got here."
"Well, that would be because I don't."
"What?"
"Look, lady... Speaking of which, I don't even know your name."
"It is irrelevant for now."
"No, it's not bloddy irrelevant! Now look here. I am Commander John M. Worcestershire the Thirty-First, Esquire of the MI6 Bittish Intelligence Agency and I demand to know what the blazes is going on here! Now start talking!"
"How is it that you don't know how you got here?"
"Hey. I'm the inquisitor and it is I who shall be doing the questioning. Is that clear? Good. Now. You seem to know a hell of a lot more than I do. So, why don't you start by telling me how it is that in one momnet I am in Kowloon and how, I another, I am in Montreal."
"Firstly, it did not happen in a mere moment. You were out for nearly two hours. Secondly-"
"That still is not nearly enough time to get me here. And what's with you and the dishes?"
"One thing at a time, sir. Do you remember seeing an old sir when last you were conciouse?"
"Yes. He was banging on some coconuts to mimmick the sound of the horses we were supposed to be on."
"Indeed? What a strange thing to be doing. Anyway, he is the Transporter. He bring the people from your world into our own."
"Eh? What's all this talk of worlds? Yee said it, your saying it. And I think I recall hearing it some where else...."
"Yes. Well, you see, there are, as far as we know, two worlds. They are identical in most aspects."
"Most? Where do they differ?"
"Well," she began, "they haven't said."
"They?"
"Yes. The physicists, sientists &c."
"Oh. Well, that makes sence. Now, what of your dishes?"
"I'm afraid I haven't the slightest idea as to what you mean by my dishes. I was simply washing them and stopped you from making a fool of yourself."
"A fool of myself? I dare say that if any one was making a foll of them selves, it was you."
"Come come now. That is not terribly kind of you, sir. All I've been doing is helping you and here you go insulting me."
"Helping me? I should dare say you've helped me as much a a bump on the head. Blast it, you are causing me more confusion then quantum physics with its blasted this particles is here and every where and that stupid cat in the box whom is neither dead nor alive! Confound it, you've not even told me your name!"
"Damn it, sir we'll get nowhere by shouti-" She stopped and said in a much more calm voice: "we'll get nowhere by shouting. Now. I can imagine that you are very upset; I probably would be too. But still, you must attempt to control yourself. Shouting will get us nowhere. My name is as follows. But, I can only wisper it to you. Come, give me your ear."
"Well, alright."
He bent down to her and put his ear to her mouth. She whispered her name to him.
"But you musn't tell a sole." said she.
"Why not?"
"Because there are many other people who would like to know about this other world. Now, what of this cat in the box?"
"Oh, please, another time."
"Alright."
"My my, look at the time. I think it is time to retire to our seperate rooms. Its well nigh on midnight."
"Yes. Alright. Well, good-night."
"Good-night, John."
With that, she left him. He sat down on the nearest chair at the table in the centre of the room. As he put his hand to his forehead, he thought to himself: 'What the blast is all this? Christ, I'm more confused then I was when I first came here. Perhaps some more sleep would do me good.'
He walked slowly to his room.
During the night, he slept ill. He had strage thoughts trwirling about. At times, he was in Kowloon again, at times, he was in the kitchen. But, one thought kept coming back; a scene where he was in an office and was over-hearing a conversation; what about, he did not know: he could not distinguish the voices.
When I awoke, it was broad daylight. I head some movement outside my door so I wnet to investigate.
"Where are you going?"
"The super-market. Would you like to join me?"
"Um, alright."
"Ok. Put some thing on and we'll get a bight to eat on the way there."
"Alright."
Behind the Chinese Spy, there were two body-guards. The one on the left was tall and male; the one on the right, short and female. Betwixt the two ountry's representatives was a table. The body-guards sat down and took out magazines of an inferioir quality. An ashtray is present along with two smouldering butts.
"I", said the Brit.,"in the name of the Queen, do declare this land to be under the rule of the British Empire."
"It most certainly is not.", said the Chinese. His name was Yee.
"I have recieved the strictist of orders to make it so.", said Britain. His name, in actual fact, was John. He took out his full-sized British flag-on-a-stick (a new invention which can be yours for but the meager sum of £300). He planted it presisly half-way between the two power-houses. Yee was completly taken aback; he never thought it it would come down to flags. This was serious buisness and thus he took out his serious weapon.
He Got up and slapped John in the face with a left black leather glove.
"Take that, you bloody MI6 B*****d."
"Take this, you poor sod!" With that, he slapped Yee with an identical black glove; only a right glove.
At this point, the two body-guards looked up from their magazines of inferior quality and in to each other's faces. There, they proceeded to see nothing. So, they spoke.
"Do you think we should do any thing about all this?", said 4:30 5845 cotes des neiges 535 (better known as Ms. Jean)
"No, I think we can let them alone for now.", said VA2QXY (better known as Mr. Drapeau). With that, they both picked up their notoriously in-acurat agazines and proceede to swamp their minds with the crap in them.
They continued on as such, each time making very much over-reacted shouts of anguish and huge theatrical slaps, until John had enough.
"Enough!", he cried. The body-guards finally were ready to take some action until....
"You'll never catch me alive!"
"Fair enough. I shall wack you into the 'Next World'."
And so, our real adventure starts. Yee took out his bludgeoning tool and gave John a good wack. As John slipped into un-conciouseness, he wondered what the 'Next World' would be like. He had no idea.
When John awoke, he was in the presence of a female. He was still quite bleary eyed and his head was not in a good state ofaffairs; in fact, he had a whopper of a headache.
"Have you any Advil?", said he.
"Actualy, yes. Will you also be taking some carbon based nourishment with that?"
"Yes. Alas, my dotor has ordered me to consume sustenance whenever I take it; he claims that if I don't I will get a hole in my intestine."
"I'll give you some tea and scones."
"I thank you."
As she walked away, he wondered where he was and who the woman was. He also had time to sort out his thoughts. He was indeed quite confused; he had beenin Kowloon and now, it was fairly apperant to him, he was not. Where could he be? He could only guess. What had happened to him? What had been this "Next World"? But, at that time, the lady was of return.
"Here." she said. "Eat some."
He et two of the scones; he'd na et since luch and it was now... later.
"What time is it?"
"16:42 hours."
"I see."
He took the Advil. However, it made him feel no better so he went to sleep. The madam had gone off to do some thing; possibly laundry. Thus he slept.
'I wonder what he is doing here', she thought to herself as she started the ceremony of washing the dishes. She bowed tothe dishes, then bowed to the sink. She then danced over the the first dish, whirled aroundnwith it and placed it, with only two fingers, into the sink at precisely at 100° angle. She then took the washing soap with her left hand, tossed it to her right and poured, while leaning over and lifeting her right leg, a small amount on to the dish. Then, she took the spunge, walked around the kitchen three times withthe spunge held on high, came back to the sink and begane to rub in a counterclockwise motion, then, after 2 passes, the other motion. She did this proceedure for the rest of the pieces of crockery. At about the 5 dish, John came and stood by the door. He had come to get some thign to eat; it was past supper time for him. But, when he found her doing this, he was entranced. He could not figure out why she was doig this. After a few minutes, he asked: "Why are you doing the dishes like that?"
"Oh. You startled me"
"Sorry. I couldn't help but watch."
"Oh. That's alright."
"So, why do you do te dishes like that?"
"Like what?"
"Well, you bow to the sink, you dance with the dishes, you walk around with spunge above your head... It is simply quite strange."
"No it's not. This is the way we have been doing dishes since the dawning of time. Hpw else would we do it?"
"Well", said John, "may I demonstrate?"
"Well, alright, I suppose."
"Good."
He walked over to the sink and gently pushed her aside. She was still a little bit unwillig, though. But, he gently nuged her away with a smile on his face. E took up the sponge and the plate and started to wash it.
"You see, this is the way to wash dishes. As effectivly as possible."
"But, you're not following any of the ritual. Please stop."
"Yes. You act as if you do not know how you got here."
"Well, that would be because I don't."
"What?"
"Look, lady... Speaking of which, I don't even know your name."
"It is irrelevant for now."
"No, it's not bloddy irrelevant! Now look here. I am Commander John M. Worcestershire the Thirty-First, Esquire of the MI6 Bittish Intelligence Agency and I demand to know what the blazes is going on here! Now start talking!"
"How is it that you don't know how you got here?"
"Hey. I'm the inquisitor and it is I who shall be doing the questioning. Is that clear? Good. Now. You seem to know a hell of a lot more than I do. So, why don't you start by telling me how it is that in one momnet I am in Kowloon and how, I another, I am in Montreal."
"Firstly, it did not happen in a mere moment. You were out for nearly two hours. Secondly-"
"That still is not nearly enough time to get me here. And what's with you and the dishes?"
"One thing at a time, sir. Do you remember seeing an old sir when last you were conciouse?"
"Yes. He was banging on some coconuts to mimmick the sound of the horses we were supposed to be on."
"Indeed? What a strange thing to be doing. Anyway, he is the Transporter. He bring the people from your world into our own."
"Eh? What's all this talk of worlds? Yee said it, your saying it. And I think I recall hearing it some where else...."
"Yes. Well, you see, there are, as far as we know, two worlds. They are identical in most aspects."
"Most? Where do they differ?"
"Well," she began, "they haven't said."
"They?"
"Yes. The physicists, sientists &c."
"Oh. Well, that makes sence. Now, what of your dishes?"
"I'm afraid I haven't the slightest idea as to what you mean by my dishes. I was simply washing them and stopped you from making a fool of yourself."
"A fool of myself? I dare say that if any one was making a foll of them selves, it was you."
"Come come now. That is not terribly kind of you, sir. All I've been doing is helping you and here you go insulting me."
"Helping me? I should dare say you've helped me as much a a bump on the head. Blast it, you are causing me more confusion then quantum physics with its blasted this particles is here and every where and that stupid cat in the box whom is neither dead nor alive! Confound it, you've not even told me your name!"
"Damn it, sir we'll get nowhere by shouti-" She stopped and said in a much more calm voice: "we'll get nowhere by shouting. Now. I can imagine that you are very upset; I probably would be too. But still, you must attempt to control yourself. Shouting will get us nowhere. My name is as follows. But, I can only wisper it to you. Come, give me your ear."
"Well, alright."
He bent down to her and put his ear to her mouth. She whispered her name to him.
"But you musn't tell a sole." said she.
"Why not?"
"Because there are many other people who would like to know about this other world. Now, what of this cat in the box?"
"Oh, please, another time."
"Alright."
"My my, look at the time. I think it is time to retire to our seperate rooms. Its well nigh on midnight."
"Yes. Alright. Well, good-night."
"Good-night, John."
With that, she left him. He sat down on the nearest chair at the table in the centre of the room. As he put his hand to his forehead, he thought to himself: 'What the blast is all this? Christ, I'm more confused then I was when I first came here. Perhaps some more sleep would do me good.'
He walked slowly to his room.
During the night, he slept ill. He had strage thoughts trwirling about. At times, he was in Kowloon again, at times, he was in the kitchen. But, one thought kept coming back; a scene where he was in an office and was over-hearing a conversation; what about, he did not know: he could not distinguish the voices.
When I awoke, it was broad daylight. I head some movement outside my door so I wnet to investigate.
"Where are you going?"
"The super-market. Would you like to join me?"
"Um, alright."
"Ok. Put some thing on and we'll get a bight to eat on the way there."
"Alright."
